He has no legal authority over who gets to discipline the kids while they are at XW's house. He does have legal authority over who does so in his home.
If they have "joint legal custody," then he has an equal right to make any/all decisions at any/all times.
Also, 767.451 Revision of legal custody and physical placement orders.
Except for matters under s. 767.461
, the following provisions are applicable to modifications of legal custody and physical placement orders:
(1) Substantial modifications.
(a) Within 2 years after final judgment. Except as provided under sub. (2), a court may not modify any of the following orders before 2 years after the final judgment determining legal custody or physical placement is entered under s. 767.41, unless a party seeking the modification, upon petition, motion, or order to show cause, shows by substantial evidence that the modification is necessary because the current custodial conditions are physically or emotionally harmful to the best interest of the child:
(1) An order of legal custody.
(2) An order of physical placement if the modification would substantially alter the time a parent may spend with his or her child.
I assume you currently have "Joint Legal Custody" of your two children. If that is the case, the court assumes that you and your ex-wife, together, will make all "Major Decisions" decisions regarding your children.
Since you do not intend to alter the time either one of you spend with your children, no physical placement orders would need to be revised.
As I suggested before, imho the quickest and most efficient way to handle your current situation would be to file a temporary protective restraining order against your ex-wife's boyfriend. He will not be allowed to be in the unsupervised presence of your children at any time.
That will most likely put the kibosh on his hiatus with your ex-wife. Unless he is a complete nut job and decides to fvck up his life any more than he already has, this guy will take off running. I don't think he wants trouble, he finds enough of that when he goes batshˇt crazy.
You do not need to prove abuse to obtain a TPO, you only need an allegation of phyaical or emotional abuse. The physiological stressors causing encopresis in your daughter are enough to suspect emotional abuse, the hand print is enough to suspect physical abuse. If CPS has been in fact notified, you already have allegations of abuse. No further charges need to be filed, and nobody gets in trouble as long as the protective order is obeyed.
If your ex-wife's boyfriend or your ex wife violates the protective order, then you should seek sole custody of your children (without modifying placement) this gives you absolute power to decide who your children are around at any time, and only you are allowed to make all major decisions concerning your children. Your ex-wife would become a guardian parent but not have legal custody. She would need a warrant to take physical custody from you and you would not need one to take the kids back from her. Still, you can honor the current physical placement schedule.