Scared for my kids!?! - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #61 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 02:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Considering his criminal history, have you checked the child sex offender registry in your state to make sure he isn't on it?
I did and he's not. Thank goodness. Don't need that, too!?

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post #62 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 03:36 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Originally Posted by Kivlor View Post
What entitled, effortless, fragile lives you must have lived to jump to such conclusions.
Sorry, but, I think it's the life of abuses, assaults, and other criminal convictions that caused us to jump to such conclusions.


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post #63 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 06:23 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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I had a different upbringing. I'm of the school of thought that we all get bruises, we all get hurt and that one of the most important lessons to pass on to the next generation is that pain is temporary and often necessary.
We all did, but it isn't usually the adult inflicting them. Falling off your bike and finding that it hurts is not the same thing as the child's guardian pushing them off the bike and saying "see how much that hurt? Don't fall off".

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Like I said, I've raised several kids. 6 total. Day and night. Diapers and bottles. Schoolwork and play. Judge me if you like. I sincerely doubt you have the experience with as many children living in your home, under your care.

I generally don't think spanking is that effective, but I recognize that it's common practice for most parents. And if it didn't leave a bruise, it wasn't much of a spanking, was it?
Wow. Just wow. I can't even respond to that as I'd get banned.

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Originally Posted by Kivlor View Post
But there are different degrees of "bruising" as well. Which is what I keep going back to. If it appeared abusive, I don't think the OP would have used the term "detectable". It would have been "terrible" or "big" or "dark" or "nasty" or any other of a thousand words that would describe something as being abusive. Maybe I'm wrong, I've certainly left it open for me to be so. The OP knows this situation better than I do, I'm just reading his story as he writes it on the interwebs.

I will say I find it pitiable that so many would classify a "detectable bruise" as abuse. It makes light of something very grave. I've been abused, and I'll tell you from experience this is a complete overstatement of the term. What entitled, effortless, fragile lives you must have lived to jump to such conclusions.
The fact that one person gets punched and the other beaten by a baseball bat doesn't make the punch irrelevant, they are both assault.

This is a 4yo girl we're talking about, she doesn't need to be told at this age to tough it out, she needs to be protected from an adult with a proven history of violence and lack of control.
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post #64 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 08:09 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Originally Posted by Kivlor View Post
I had a different upbringing. I'm of the school of thought that we all get bruises, we all get hurt and that one of the most important lessons to pass on to the next generation is that pain is temporary and often necessary.

Like I said, I've raised several kids. 6 total. Day and night. Diapers and bottles. Schoolwork and play. Judge me if you like. I sincerely doubt you have the experience with as many children living in your home, under your care.

I generally don't think spanking is that effective, but I recognize that it's common practice for most parents. And if it didn't leave a bruise, it wasn't much of a spanking, was it?

But there are different degrees of "bruising" as well. Which is what I keep going back to. If it appeared abusive, I don't think the OP would have used the term "detectable". It would have been "terrible" or "big" or "dark" or "nasty" or any other of a thousand words that would describe something as being abusive. Maybe I'm wrong, I've certainly left it open for me to be so. The OP knows this situation better than I do, I'm just reading his story as he writes it on the interwebs.

I will say I find it pitiable that so many would classify a "detectable bruise" as abuse. It makes light of something very grave. I've been abused, and I'll tell you from experience this is a complete overstatement of the term. What entitled, effortless, fragile lives you must have lived to jump to such conclusions.
Kiv, you're missing a very important fact: A boy friend has no legal standing to provide "Discipline". It's not a philosophical or theoretical question about bruises or the value of pain (!), but rather the laws that protect others from assault.

And that assessment doesn't result from a life that's entitled, effortless, and certainly not fragile....just knowledgeable.

Last edited by Unicus; 07-01-2016 at 09:39 AM.
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post #65 of 72 (permalink) Old 07-01-2016, 02:22 AM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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I did and he's not. Thank goodness. Don't need that, too!?
Be sure to check the registries of surrounding states as well.

Hell, make that all fifty states.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #66 of 72 (permalink) Old 07-02-2016, 08:30 AM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Be sure to check the registries of surrounding states as well.

Hell, make that all fifty states.
Agreed!
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post #67 of 72 (permalink) Old 07-03-2016, 06:50 AM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Be sure to check the registries of surrounding states as well.

Hell, make that all fifty states.
https://www.nsopw.gov/?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1

Searches all 50 states.

We used to have to use it for all recruits coming into the Army.

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post #68 of 72 (permalink) Old 07-06-2016, 11:12 AM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

You should establish with your XW that your kids are not to be around any felons (regardless of whether there is any suspicion of abuse going on). She is free to date whomever she wants, but the kids need to not be exposed to that risk or type of influence. That is a legitimate reason for the court to award you emergency full custody and have her do visits without her BF until the situation changes.

My XWW knows if she pulled that sort of crap the kids would be gone before she could blink. That fear has kept her from making some stupid decisions and helped maintain a workable parenting relationship between us. I figure that whatever she does is her business and I stay completely out of it, until it involves my kids, then it is my business and if she doesn't make good choices then I will.
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post #69 of 72 (permalink) Old 07-06-2016, 12:47 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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You should establish with your XW that your kids are not to be around any felons (regardless of whether there is any suspicion of abuse going on). She is free to date whomever she wants, but the kids need to not be exposed to that risk or type of influence. That is a legitimate reason for the court to award you emergency full custody and have her do visits without her BF until the situation changes.

My XWW knows if she pulled that sort of crap the kids would be gone before she could blink. That fear has kept her from making some stupid decisions and helped maintain a workable parenting relationship between us. I figure that whatever she does is her business and I stay completely out of it, until it involves my kids, then it is my business and if she doesn't make good choices then I will.
Unfortunately that sort of agreement has to be done before the divorce so that the rules are in the parenting plan and enforceable.

The only way to change this, unless of course she voluntarily agrees, is to get a court order.

You don't get to enforce your own rules just because they make sense to you. In this case I would have thought that an emergency court order could be issued to override the parenting plan until the parenting plan can be updated formally.
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post #70 of 72 (permalink) Old 07-06-2016, 02:13 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

I specifically said "this is a legitimate reason for the COURT TO AWARD YOU EMERGENCY FULL CUSTODY..." which means go to court to get an emergency court order. I never said to act unilaterally in violation of the parenting plan without court authorization. If kids are being housed with a felon it is easy to get that court order since the courts will act in the kid's best interest. Although if I was truly and legitimately worried about my kid's safety I'd act first and hire a good lawyer to deal with the consequences later.

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post #71 of 72 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 09:26 AM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Any updates?

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post #72 of 72 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 09:46 AM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Yes, please let us know.
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