Next step - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-02-2016, 11:58 AM Thread Starter
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Next step

I just purchased a new (old) house. I cannot wait to move out of this apartment I have been living in for the past (almost) 2 years.
The new place is a 60 year old California Ranch on a slab with vaulted ceiling and exposed beams. It is 1144 sf, has 3 bedrooms and 1 bath. A small kitchen and dining room, but a large living room. There is a car port, a front deck and a rear deck and a fenced rear yard with storage shed. The yard is only .20 acres. The rear deck has a retractable awning.

I have been looking for some time now. I can't stand living in this apartment. I have no outdoor space at all. Giving up the garage will be difficult, but I lived without a garage for 25 years before. The bedrooms are smaller, but having 3 will be great. Currently I use my second (of 2) as a home office with a small day bed in it for guests. I will be using the third bedroom as my dedicated home office. The second bedroom is where my current bedroom set (from my marriage) is going to go.

I have been saving my change since my divorce and now have a cookie jar half filled. I am going to cash it in and buy myself a new king size bed for my new bedroom.

I have to get a washer and dryer. I want to get a gas grill and possibly a smoker later on. I also want to get some patio furniture so I can enjoy the outdoors once again.

Future plans include partially enclosing the car port for additional storage, possibly expanding my bedroom and enclosing the rear deck. Next spring - a vegetable garden in the fenced yard, and landscaping. I used to mow and maintain a 3 acre property. I allowed it to consume all of my time (probably to avoid dealing with my failing marriage). I think having a yard 1/15 the size should be a snap.

Just the next step as I continue to move forward.


At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!

Last edited by Ynot; 07-02-2016 at 12:02 PM.
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-03-2016, 10:17 AM
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Re: Next step

It's wonderful to hear how you have moved on...with hard work and sacrifice.

Starting a new chapter is exciting. I don't know much of your story but if you are are here....it involved a relationship and pain.

Congrats!!!
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 10:51 AM
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Re: Next step

Awesome! Congrats to you!

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 11:09 AM
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Re: Next step

After only two years of being divorced and you are now a proud home owner again. This is great, especially after you moved to a new city and a new job. You pretty much started all over again.

You should be very satisfied with yourself. Great job! Buying a new bed is a wonderful gift to give yourself.

How about a California King!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Next step

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After only two years of being divorced and you are now a proud home owner again. This is great, especially after you moved to a new city and a new job. You pretty much started all over again.

You should be very satisfied with yourself. Great job! Buying a new bed is a wonderful gift to give yourself.

How about a California King!
Too big! Have to stick to regular king. Always wanted to do a room with Idea stuff. Thinking I might go that route.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 02:15 PM
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Re: Next step

Congratulations @Ynot. So happy for you. I bet you can't wait to start planting some stuff in the yard. I guess you are going to have to get a lawnmower, eh?
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-05-2016, 02:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Next step

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Congratulations @Ynot. So happy for you. I bet you can't wait to start planting some stuff in the yard. I guess you are going to have to get a lawnmower, eh?
Actually, I still have one. When my marriage blew up, I went off the deep end and basically liquidated everything. Some things I didn't get sold before I left. I took them to my brother's. I honestly didn't remember what I still have. Turns out I still have a push mower, weed trimmer, leaf blower and roto-tiller. My brother has been using them, so they all still work.
I continue to be amazed at all of the good co-incidences that happened to me when my marriage ended.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-20-2016, 06:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Next step

Picked up my mower, leaf blower and weed eater, along with some other misc handtools I had left at a friends house and got to work. I haven't mowed grass for almost two years. Man, I missed that! So far I have mowed twice. Both times were perfect opportunities to be alone and clear my thinking.
In the mean time, I have been moving in little by little. I take stuff over almost everyday. I went out and bought a washer/dryer, microwave, a grill, a patio bistro set and a wrought iron table and chairs for my decks. Thinking about upgrading the refrigerator, now.
Tomorrow I switch over my internet service, so I will need to move my office over the week end. Then, my brother and a friend are coming over and we are going to move the only major stuff I still have to move. Basically my couch, and bed room set.
Sunday I am heading to Ikea to look at beds. I am not completely sold on anything they hace so we will see. But if everything goes as planned I will be living in my new place starting Friday!
I still have two months to go on my lease, so I am going to consolidate everything into the garage. My daughter is finally going to take all of the stuff she has here. Anything else I will either pitch or donate to Goodwill.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-20-2016, 06:33 AM
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Re: Next step

Sounds like a good plan. I hope you have repainted with some nice uplifting colors.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-20-2016, 06:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Next step

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Sounds like a good plan. I hope you have repainted with some nice uplifting colors.
I started to think about painting. Even bought a can to get started. But then I realized the paint wouldn't match the new carpet throughout the house. So I made a command decision not to paint just yet. I figure I can always decide after I get in which colors might work best where.
Another new found freedom - I don't have to bust my ass just to satisfy some one else's wants and desires.


At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-20-2016, 06:58 AM
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Re: Next step

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I started to think about painting. Even bought a can to get started. But then I realized the paint wouldn't match the new carpet throughout the house. So I made a command decision not to paint just yet. I figure I can always decide after I get in which colors might work best where.
Another new found freedom - I don't have to bust my ass just to satisfy some one else's wants and desires.
Yea, you can now paint the house any color you want to, when you want to. Just make sure you are not color blinded and pick colors that your guess will look at and go WTF.

I understand the freedom to choose your own colors. I would have painted the house according to the Feng Shui color palette but my H would object. He does not like too much bright colors and he does not like painting too often because it will damage the walls.

One day, I went to the hardware store and got some bright sunny yellow paint and repainted the kitchen by myself. The guy was worried about selling me the paint when he heard I was doing the repainting. But I showed him who was the boss, until my H came home. He took one look at it and asked me if I didn't like the blue. It was too yellow, yellow kitchens are not nice. I just want a bright color. I was tired of a blue kitchen during the winter. My H kept complaining for days that I paint too much and I am going to destroy the walls. Who cares?
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-20-2016, 09:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Next step

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Yea, you can now paint the house any color you want to, when you want to. Just make sure you are not color blinded and pick colors that your guess will look at and go WTF.

I understand the freedom to choose your own colors. I would have painted the house according to the Feng Shui color palette but my H would object. He does not like too much bright colors and he does not like painting too often because it will damage the walls.

One day, I went to the hardware store and got some bright sunny yellow paint and repainted the kitchen by myself. The guy was worried about selling me the paint when he heard I was doing the repainting. But I showed him who was the boss, until my H came home. He took one look at it and asked me if I didn't like the blue. It was too yellow, yellow kitchens are not nice. I just want a bright color. I was tired of a blue kitchen during the winter. My H kept complaining for days that I paint too much and I am going to destroy the walls. Who cares?
Amen to all of the above! Except it was my ex who always had the great ideas, but then amazingly, never around to see them thru. She would get this great idea that it would look great if WE painted some room some color. Of course the WE always consisted of just ME, so I would end up moving furniture, masking, cutting, painting, cleaning up and putting everything back together. She would always have something else to do when it came time to follow thru. I guess I just wasn't a good enough lackey to keep her happy?
Or if it was my idea, she would have no comment until AFTER I was done and then never stop commenting until it went back to her way.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-21-2016, 10:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Next step

Well tomorrow is moving day! I really am getting excited about having my own place and not an apartment any more. Spent the evening hooking up the washer and dryer. Then moved onto to fixing the refrigerator. My freezer got cold but the refrigerator didn't. Pulled the panel in the back of the freezer and found out the wires to the fan motor had rusted off. Sanded the terminal shiny, and soldered the wire back in place. When I left this evening it seemed to be working. I will find out tomorrow morning. I miss doing stuff like that. Looking forward to wiring my surround sound and connecting to ROKU.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-21-2016, 10:15 PM
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Re: Next step

Happy for you......
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-25-2016, 07:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Next step

I went to Ikea yesterday and bought myself a brand new king size bed! New mattress, new sheets, new pillows, new bed spread. Haven't gotten it all put together yet but maybe tonight I can sleep on something that doesn't have any memories attached to it. The bed is pretty nice it has underbed storage, but it looks like I might still be able to fit a couple of night stands on either side of it. Thinking about mounting a shelf above the bed on the wall for books, a light and whatever.

Spent the morning tearing my office down at my old place and rebuilding it back at the new place. Finally got it operational. Now I have to make some money to start paying for all this stuff.

My refrigerator fix worked like a dream. All is good now.
Still haven't gotten around to connecting my surround system and TV up yet. One day at a time.

My life is very different than the last time I moved. I was working a 9-5 job then and had no social life or anything else going on. I was living on reaction with no forethought. This time I am moving on my terms and I am having trouble finding the time to do stuff, because I have re-established a life for myself. Things are getting better day by day.

If you are one of the unfortunate people out there going thru a divorce - know this: I feel for you, but your life will improve. Keep on keeping on, keep on moving forward, don't give up, life does get better.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!

Last edited by Ynot; 07-27-2016 at 11:24 AM.
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