Last night over dinner, she asked me point blank if sonething was bothering me and if i was having any concerns about moving in. Dont know how she saw thru me, but there it was. So i told her the feelings i was having... Doubts, fears, etc.
Her first response was that she didnt want me doing something that was making me feel uncomfortable. As i explained my reservations and how i was trying to determine if it was justified or I was acting from an illogical place, she grew more dissapointed and upset. She stated that she feels that the two of us can make it work and that we are already doing much of it since my kids and I have been spending a lot of time at her place. But i could tell she was hurt that i wasnt feeling the same way about moving in as she was. I think ots possible she put a hell of alot more thought into it than I did. I think i was going more with the motions and now that i am thinking more about it, i am feeling a bit panicked because i waited so long to sit down and really think about it.
Is she trying to force me to move in? I dont think so. She did bring up discussions every once in awhile over the last 4 months about it, but never pushed it because she wanted me to make those decisions, bring it up myself and not feel she was forcing me to sell my home and move in. Ive been so busy with other things, along with fixing up my house to sell that i never really sat down to think all of it through. I just viewed what it would look like on the surface. I definitely had it backwards.
She's definitely hurt that i am suddenly hesitating to move in.
I spoke more about logistics of living together and my concerns about possible conflicts that may arise. We did manage to come up with plans on how to handle those situations which made me feel better about my concerns. She also shared that she would want us to have time or space to ourselves as well as our kids having the opportunity to have their space when they need it. Yes, i am still concerned about how my son will react. My gf did point out that he does fine when he is over, which is true. I told her i felt that moving in will be different as a guest, and that i was worrying about the what ifs. My daughter? At the moment, she is the only one who knows of the possibility and is excited if it were to happen. She gets along very well with my gf.
Its apparent here on the boards that most of you are telling me to be patient and not do this right now. You may be right. But i am wondering if all my sudden concerns stems from my lack of truly sitting down and discussing all the specific details with my gf.
She noticed I wasn't discussing it with her and thought that i had it all figured out and was good with it. I dont know if my concerns is directly related to not talking about it and since there is many unknowns, i am now having to deal with these thoughts? I also feel like i am dwelling too much on the negative possibilities.
Like i mentioned, the more we spoke about logitics last night, it did seem to reassure things will be fine and I felt better. But i also feel i have damaged much of what my gf had thought was fine and now sees that her bf was lacking confidence in moving in.
Someone here asked do i love her? Yes. I do love her, but damn if i must admit it, i dont feel as if i am IN love. Is the "in love" the same as the honeymoon period? Its those emotions/feelings you have when you are in the early stages of a relationship, right? I just dont feel those anymore. But i do love her very much. I think this is normal, but if not i definitely need to step back and this would be discussed on an entirely different thread! I hope my ramblings make sense.