Re: Getting cold feet movein w/ GF
I agree with aspects of both sides - I think she knew what she wanted and that was to be worth it to the right man, enough that he'd be enthusiastic about moving in on her timetable. The reality was that the OP didn't function in that way and wasn't at the point (yet) when he felt that way, and was following his own gut. I've been through such disappointment on her side before, and it stings, confuses the heck out of you, and makes you reconsider if you had the right impression about the guy you were with. You just want what you want, and you think, "what the hell, we're great together, what's his problem with me?" and that starts to kill the love. I'm not saying this is what happened with her, but it did happen to me once.
From the male side, I've learned enough since my experience and from reading TAM that there are points in life when a man knows exactly what he wants, too, and confidently takes the necessary steps. I clearly was not in alignment with the past boyfriend I spoke of, but my current husband and I were on the same page. I spoke my truth, which was to be engaged by X, and living together by Y, with the intention of saying our vows by Z, and if at any time he wasn't comfortable with where things were going, all he had to do was communicate to me and I'd set him free with no argument. He kept to every wish I'd made, and then some. That's because my goals were also important to him and he was a ready man.
So, OP, I'm not going to say you did the right or wrong thing. I think, perhaps you did the right thing for you. It's OK to be honest with yourself and your feelings, and your guilt and catch-22 worries show that you have compassion and empathy. But don't take things too much to heart. If you'd felt ready you wouldn't have hesitated. You were not ready. Own it with honesty. When you are ready, and when you're with a woman that completely aligns with your goals, you won't be hesitating.
"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."
~ Abraham Maslow