OK.. I need some serious advice! - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-10-2016, 01:20 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

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Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.

We have become close friends, but her being married is really becoming an issue. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.

I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.

What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.


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post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-10-2016, 02:27 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

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Easier said than done.
For heavens sake man, all this, this is really difficult to do nonsense.

She's married, unless you've spoken to her husband then you really don't know the true state of their marriage.. and as a betrayed you should know better.

smh.

Easier said than done. Honestly, these betas.
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post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-10-2016, 02:30 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you

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post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-10-2016, 04:27 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

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Originally Posted by db52993 View Post
So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.

Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.

We have become close friends, but her being married is really becoming an issue. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.

I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.

What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.
if this is real it is very unsettling.

Peace and long life
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post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-10-2016, 05:22 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

How long did it take her before she admitted that she was married?

Did you ignore some obvious indicators?
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post #21 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-10-2016, 08:21 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

In my first marriage we both had multiple affairs.

ExH had many affairs because that's just what he does. The man is broken. He cheated on me. According to the grapevine, he cheated on all of the women he dated after the divorce. He remarried about a decade ago and, according to his mom and my daughters, he cheats on her, too.

I cheated because I made the foolish mistake of marrying someone solely because we were having casual sex and I got pregnant. I was miserable with the man, thought the best thing was to stay for the kid(s), and had lovers to meet my physical, intellectual, and emotional needs. I met and fell in love with my last OM, left the sham marriage, married him, and have been faithful for 16 years.

Clearly, not everyone who has cheated in a relationship is going to cheat in other relationships. And, equally clear, some people are just cheaters.

That said, if this woman was truly unhappy in her marriage, she'd leave. She has no excuse to stay. They don't have kids and she has a job, so she can support herself. If she's staying, it`s because she wants to.

So, tell her she has to either end her marriage or you have to end the "friendship". If she is legitimately unhappy, she'll leave. If not, she's full of sh!t and staying married because she wants to be with her husband.

It took me less than a month to end my first marriage after getting involved with my then AP and now husband. That was with me having 2 young children and no job. This woman has no kids and a job, so she could literally go home today and tell her husband it's over and then be in a lawyers office by tomorrow. So, don't accept excuses. Give her maybe a week or two to end her marriage or you cease any and all contact with her.
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post #22 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-10-2016, 09:37 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

prime example of someone asking for advice when they know the right answer but don't like it. Do the right thing. Period.
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post #23 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-10-2016, 09:54 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

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if this is real it is very unsettling.
Skipping the extraneous vowels....real unsettling.

If I get punched in the Nose [by wife]. I do not take that same Nose and stick it where it does not belong.....in EA-AP's husbands face.

By doing so, the Nose will be knocked so-out-of-whack, the wind will catch it's bent and keep your head pointed to the starboard side-of-reality, ad-naseum.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #24 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-10-2016, 09:54 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

To bad you and your X couldn't stay together. Seems you both have the same mindset.

This is going to end horribly for you, you need to get out and seek counseling
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post #25 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-13-2016, 05:47 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

I would steer clear of this woman. You already know she has the propensity to cheat.

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post #26 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 11:16 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Nope


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post #27 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 11:34 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

You're going to have to make it plain to her that if she wants to continue to see you, she's going to have to get a divorce.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #28 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 11:37 AM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

It is hard for me to believe this post is even real.

End ALL and I mean ALL communication with her.

Let's say she does divorce her husband, and then comes to you...you will still know she is willing to start affairs (EA or more) during her marriage. You really want a repeat of marriage number one by marrying another cheater?

There are a lot of great women out there. Avoid becoming a douche by persuing this course. By doing that you may end up being worthy of one of them some day.

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #29 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 12:24 PM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

You are doing the pick me dance with another persons spouse. If you go down this road then shame on you. You get to choose who you are. Are you or are you not a POSM?
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post #30 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 12:34 PM
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Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Your ex-wife was probably telling her affair partner all the same things this woman is telling you.

How can you know for sure she is telling you the truth about her husband? Have you met him? Have you seen him treat her badly?

Like the prior poster said: quit being an ass.
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