OK.. I need some serious advice! - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 62Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:04 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 29
OK.. I need some serious advice!

So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.

Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.

We have become close friends, but her being married is really becoming an issue. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.

I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.

What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.

db52993 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:18 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,967
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Do not get involved with her while she is married.

If she leaves her husband and files for divorce, then that's a different issue.

Doe she have children with her husband?

You know the destruction that an affair leads to. Do not get involved with a married woman.

Tell me, now that you have fallen into this relationship, does it change the view of your wife having an affair?
EleGirl is online now  
post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:22 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 29
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

The woman has no children. I do view this woman like my wife in that she is doing exactly what my wife was doing. I was upset with my wife, but somehow I condone what this woman is doing.

I do know the destruction that it causes. Its just its so difficult because its soothing my pain from my divorce and what I went though. I know its crazy.
db52993 is offline  
 
post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:24 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,020
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Well, you should explain to her what you just said here. Tell her that you just can't be that guy....in the middle of someone else's marriage. Tell her that if she is ever free to look you up. Period.

Then block her. From everything.

You were admittedly vulnerable. Now make things right. You are not going to respect someone who cheats on their husband in the long run. So ya, this was probably a rebound thing.

Walk away.
SunnyT is online now  
post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:26 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 29
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Easier said than done.
db52993 is offline  
post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:28 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,995
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Quote:
Originally Posted by db52993 View Post
So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.

Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.

We have become close friends, but her being married is really becoming an issue. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.

I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.

What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.
Seriously dude? Don't be an ass. After all you been through if you do the same thing to someone else that you had done to you, you are lower then dirt.
sokillme is online now  
post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:30 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 29
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

I have not done anything yet, that is why I posted here. I agree with your advice. I just need clarity because sometimes your judgment is clouded by emotions.
db52993 is offline  
post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:42 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,995
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Quote:
Originally Posted by db52993 View Post
I have not done anything yet, that is why I posted here. I agree with your advice. I just need clarity because sometimes your judgment is clouded by emotions.
You're having the beginnings of an emotional affair, probably mostly from rebounding. I am sure the guy who was banging your wife was thinking very much like you right before he started sticking it to her.

You have absolutely no excuse. None! You know exactly how much that emasculates and devastates a person. You know how long it takes to get over and how it permeates every part of your life. Now you want to do that to someone else.

What the hell is wrong with you, are you a sociopath? I am going to assume this is because you feel really down right now so let me give you a little secret.

The only thing you have total control over in this world is your honor. Take your self-esteem from that. Learn to cherish it. If you do that then you will never cheat because your motive to not cheat will be selfishness.

Seriously dude, all you know is what this woman has told you. I am sure her husband would beg to differ with the assessment of his marriage. Frankly you should ask. I bet she would be singing a different tune tomorrow.

I am also sure your wife sad the very same things about your marriage before she started letting that guy bang her.

Do the right thing, tell this woman you can't have any kind (ANY KIND) of a relationship with her because she is married. Then let her go, the more time you waste with her the less time you will have to find the right one.

Also you need to get your picker checked because you are about to throw down with a married woman, how successful do you think that relationship would be? What are the chances that this woman who is creeping on her husband will make a good life partner? You think she really has character?

You are not learning young buck.

Last edited by sokillme; 07-09-2016 at 11:33 PM.
sokillme is online now  
post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:45 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5,506
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

This is an excellent example of thinking with the wrong head.

Get her out of your life immediately.

If she actually gets divorced, she will be able to find you to tell you, but I'm pretty sure you will have moved on by then (if that ever happens).

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
tech-novelist is offline  
post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:46 PM
Member
 
IMFarAboveRubies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 1,528
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Quote:
Originally Posted by db52993 View Post
So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.

Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.

We have become close friends, but her being married is really becoming an issue. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.

I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.

What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.
I bet it is....for her husband.

Tell her husband about your and her relationship, and get out of her life. She is a cheater, and would also cheat on you.

IMFarAboveRubies is offline  
post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 08:52 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Emerging Buddhist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: World-wide
Posts: 1,366
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

If she is not separated and still living with him, and you get in the middle, how long will it take to work up the strength to have confidence that she won't do to you what she did to him?

Integrity is a cornerstone in any relationship, please don't try to build this one without it.
Emerging Buddhist is offline  
post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 09:35 PM
Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southeast
Posts: 3,265
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Really? Seriously?

You're no better than your X. You realize that, right?
Marc878 is online now  
post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 10:54 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,020
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

"It's not that easy."

Ya well, it's not always easy. Too bad. The right thing isn't always the easiest thing.

You are a grown man....you KNOW this. Man up and do the right thing.
SunnyT is online now  
post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 11:00 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: TX, USA
Posts: 12,165
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Quote:
Originally Posted by db52993 View Post
So to make a long story short... wife and I having marital issues. Find out wife is cheating on me. Wife leaves me. Wife divorces me. Timeframe is about 3 years for everything. Divorce just granted a few days ago. (I have a bunch of posts for specific details). Was and am really depressed over everything and how it went down.

Anyway, I was meeting new people and made some new friends. In the course of building new friendships I met a woman. We talked and we just hit it off. She is a person I can see myself with. She is crazy about me. Problem: She is married.

We have become close friends, but her being married is really becoming an issue. I am not the type to get involved with married woman. It was innocent and just happened. We do not have a physical relationship, but right now its an emotional one. This just happened. She hates the marriage she is in.

I dont know what to do. My heart is really tugging at me to continue relationship. Is this a rebound for me? I think it is taboo to get involved with another man's wife, because among other things, a man took my wife and I know how that feels.

What should I do? Am I ready to get involved again in a relationship after just finalizing my divorce? I really wanted to wait, but this just happened.
GusPolinski is offline  
post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-09-2016, 11:10 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: North Coast Nationalist-burg, U.S.A.
Posts: 2,603
Re: OK.. I need some serious advice!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyT View Post
Well, you should explain to her what you just said here. Tell her that you just can't be that guy....in the middle of someone else's marriage. Tell her that if she is ever free to look you up. Period.

Then block her. From everything.

You were admittedly vulnerable. Now make things right. You are not going to respect someone who cheats on their husband in the long run. So ya, this was probably a rebound thing.

Walk away.
Yes THIS.

She may cheat on YOU sometime down the road.

You want a decent women? Let her earn that descriptive Title.

She gets divorced, she gets a lift .....home.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
SunCMars is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
advice, divorce, marriage, rebound

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Marriage help- advice please D+L The Ladies' Lounge 18 03-26-2017 07:07 AM
Need some serious advice, in a completely insane marriage Needsomeguidance Considering Divorce or Separation 3 07-03-2016 09:12 AM
What to do? Need advice. Please help. anewstine Going Through Divorce or Separation 17 04-07-2016 10:22 PM
How important is sex when choosing a mate? Need serious advice lawdawg Sex in Marriage 64 01-26-2016 04:52 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome