New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 02:08 AM Thread Starter
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New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

Hey I wrote a few months ago asking how to deal with 1st relationship breakup after divorce. Well now I have a new issue. I have been ignoring occasional emaisl from this new ex (already blocked calls and texts) but now that I have gone back to online dating, he is purposely seeking me out there. He even went so far as to create a fake profile to talk me because I blocked him there too. He is showing up at all the OLD sites "liking" me and etc and of course I have to block him on the others. Now every guy that messages I have to make sure its not the ex playing somekind of game. Has anyone dealt with this, any other ideas?... this is insane


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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 05:24 AM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

I had a woman I had dated a short time start doing that on a dating site once, I actually thought it was funny and kind of pitiful. As a guy I thought it was no big deal, as a woman you need to be more concerned.

Her approach was to contact me using a fake profile, then lead the discussion toward things related to our short relationship, then blast me for my views. I always knew it was her right away because she had a very distinct writing style that was easily recognized. At first I played along with her, I thought she needed closure and I was trying to spare her feelings, then it just got annoying and I started blocking her.

Is this "a thing" you ask. Sadly I think it is, the anonymity of social media can give people all kinds of access to others without the fear of being caught. The guy could be angry, he could be curious, he could just be playing immature games, or he could become obsessed with harassing you.

As long as the guys stalking isn't escalating to attempts at personal contact or trying to flame you on social media all you can do is keep blocking him. You can also contact the dating site moderators and report the guy, they may be able to ban his access. If he ever "appears" some place you are and "randomly" runs into you I would file a police report, noting illegal at that point but if it turns into actual stalking you want as much evidence as possible so you can get a restraining order against him if necessary. You should also save any messages he sends you, again just in case.

Or you can have your brother go pound his ass and tell him to leave you alone.

Last edited by Cooper; 07-14-2016 at 08:29 AM.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 01:39 PM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

You should be able to report him to the website for harassment. Look for a "contact us" or help link on the site.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2016, 01:42 PM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

Its a thing. Best to play it very safe. My wife had a stalker...it can get really strange and disturbing.

We found the best bet was to NEVER respond to it
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-15-2016, 05:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

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Originally Posted by Cooper View Post
I had a woman I had dated a short time start doing that on a dating site once, I actually thought it was funny and kind of pitiful. As a guy I thought it was no big deal, as a woman you need to be more concerned.

Her approach was to contact me using a fake profile, then lead the discussion toward things related to our short relationship, then blast me for my views. I always knew it was her right away because she had a very distinct writing style that was easily recognized. At first I played along with her, I thought she needed closure and I was trying to spare her feelings, then it just got annoying and I started blocking her.

Is this "a thing" you ask. Sadly I think it is, the anonymity of social media can give people all kinds of access to others without the fear of being caught. The guy could be angry, he could be curious, he could just be playing immature games, or he could become obsessed with harassing you.

As long as the guys stalking isn't escalating to attempts at personal contact or trying to flame you on social media all you can do is keep blocking him. You can also contact the dating site moderators and report the guy, they may be able to ban his access. If he ever "appears" some place you are and "randomly" runs into you I would file a police report, noting illegal at that point but if it turns into actual stalking you want as much evidence as possible so you can get a restraining order against him if necessary. You should also save any messages he sends you, again just in case.

Or you can have your brother go pound his ass and tell him to leave you alone.
****
Thanks for sharing Cooper that is crazy... Honestly this guy is older and military so never saw anything like this coming. When I was going through the sites messages his fake one looked legit, i feel for whoever pics he is using. I deleted everything before I thought to report it Lucky for me he doesn't live near by and I live in a secured building. too bad my two big younger brothers live on the mainland or I would sic them on him lol. I hope it ends there but I am now even more aware surroundings and safety

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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-15-2016, 05:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

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Its a thing. Best to play it very safe. My wife had a stalker...it can get really strange and disturbing.

We found the best bet was to NEVER respond to it
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yes I have not been responding to anything and even more so now. I dont know what to think, I hope it doesnt get to real life stalking

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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-15-2016, 05:28 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

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You should be able to report him to the website for harassment. Look for a "contact us" or help link on the site.
Dang I deleted the messages and have no way to prove the fake profile isnt real

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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-22-2016, 09:33 PM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

Unfortunately, there is no surefire way to get these fakers to stop contacting you.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-22-2016, 10:04 PM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

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Dang I deleted the messages and have no way to prove the fake profile isnt real
You could write to them about what is happening, even if you don't have proof.


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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-22-2016, 10:40 PM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

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You could write to them about what is happening, even if you don't have proof.
Sometimes admins can pull up stuff even if you deleted it, provided you have dates and usernames.


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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-22-2016, 10:53 PM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

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Sometimes admins can pull up stuff even if you deleted it, provided you have dates and usernames.
That's true. Even if we delete something here, it is likely that the mods can see the deleted post.


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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2016, 12:11 AM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

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Originally Posted by arandomlady View Post
****
Thanks for sharing Cooper that is crazy... Honestly this guy is older and military so never saw anything like this coming. When I was going through the sites messages his fake one looked legit, i feel for whoever pics he is using. I deleted everything before I thought to report it Lucky for me he doesn't live near by and I live in a secured building. too bad my two big younger brothers live on the mainland or I would sic them on him lol. I hope it ends there but I am now even more aware surroundings and safety
If he does this again with fake pics, download a copy of the pictures and use Google Images to search the web for them. You'll usually find the original source. Take screen shots and keep copies of any contact attempts.

Then let the dating site moderators know.

I am in a neighborhood forum and we had someone(s) using fake pictures pretending to be our neighbors basically trolling and flaming in our neighborhood forum. It was creepy since our real names and neighborhoods are exposed.

I google searched the images they used as their profile pictures and sent links to that information to the forum moderators and they were blocked for violating TOS because the rules are you cannot impersonate anyone on their. I assume dating websites have similar rules.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-23-2016, 06:16 AM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

Stalking is a crime in many jurisdictions.

Send him a letter / email that very clearly states that you do not want him contacting you and that you will take legal action if it continues.

If it continues, talk to the police. They may not be able to do anything right away, but there will be a report on file if it escalates.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-25-2016, 10:53 PM
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Re: New ex stalking me at online dating site...is this a thing?

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Now every guy that messages I have to make sure its not the ex playing somekind of game. Has anyone dealt with this, any other ideas?... this is insane
Aha! Found you!

Just kidding.


Yeah it happens try to ignore him and hope he doesn't get dangerous
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