I am choosing to try to forgive my wife. It is very difficult as she, on seven separate occasions, was caught meeting him and I offered forgiveness. This was when I thought she was having an emotional affair.
Now that I know it was a full physical affair, the blameshifting and gaslighting that was done is, perhaps, beyond my ability to forgive. She used my good and forgiving nature to take the affair deeper underground and to indulge her adulterous ways for just a little longer. She spent my gift of reconciliation for another round of sex over and over again.
Perhaps I can forgive over time. Perhaps there are varying level of forgiveness, like I "mostly forgive you".
But to have one's evil actions "blotted out" like God can do as said in the bible? No, I cannot ever blot it out. To do so requires a divine nature. I, being a mere mortal, and a fairly mediocre one at that, cannot.
No, the best I can do is to work it out of my system as best I can, treat her with respect as best I can, love her as I do myself as best I can, and to pray that God grant me the ability to extend grace and forgiveness.
That's the best I can do for now.
I feel much like you do…same level of disrespect and very similar circumstances except…
I divorced XWW's cheating, lying ass 3 ˝ years ago. I am still not anywhere near the point where I can forgive her. Currently, I choose to not think about her or everything that she did. Do I wish her well? No. I don't wish her anything. However, I would really enjoy watching the Karma bus running her ass down. I have had a few friends and relatives preach to me about forgiveness and how it’s supposed to benefit me but, if her betrayal doesn’t occupy my mind anymore, why bother.
I’m also a firm believer in giving forgiveness only for the repentant or remorseful. I won’t hand out forgiveness like its cheap Halloween candy. That would make forgiveness basically worthless.
I’m not a bible thumper but here it is…
The Bible says that we are to forgive as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). God forgives us when we repent (Mark 1:15, Luke 13:3,5, Acts 3:19). He does not grant forgiveness to those of us who refuse to repent.
Luke 17:3 Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
Apparently, we must recognize our sin and repent to receive and enjoy God’s merciful forgiveness. If God requires repentance…I will too. I am not greater than God.
My XWW has shown No remorse for what she did to our marriage, family, children, or me. Under these circumstances, forgiveness from me just "aint gonna happen" anytime soon. Maybe someday, when I’ve regained all that she took from me (emotionally/financially), or enough time has passed and my memory has dulled or not functioning, or she somehow finds remorse within her, I could forgive. But I’m not going to waste any time or energy on it now.