Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-28-2016, 10:01 PM Thread Starter
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Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

Have been away for a while. Got over my divorce... is incredible how time can heal and now when I look back, I canīt believe how 23 years went by without realizing marriage was broken way before.

Life goes on, and I like mine... but since last February when I got a call from my ex to tell me he was in a relationship, it has been a headache. Kids are 26 and 24 so the alimony I peacefully and legally got was just for me... he says he is almost broken and doesnt feel it is ok to work to feed me

Has any of you been through something like this?

I donīt like getting the money with that attitude, so plan to finish my school year in November and look for a job to get prepared and study on Saturdays, donīt want to leave my career, but in the meantime, I need to act. Is sad, never saw it coming after an amicable divorce...


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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-28-2016, 11:40 PM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

You might do well to talk to an attorney before you do anything.

My thought is that it's best for you to not start any court action if he is still paying you the alimony that the court ordered. Let him be the one who goes to court. If you file before he does, you are bringing it to court where it could be changed. Don't go to court unless your ex files.

But as an attorney what your best options are.

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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-29-2016, 12:07 AM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

What does the existing divorce decree say? In my state alimony comes with time limits is that true in your state? If he knows it's the end of the time limit why would he need to go to court it should just end? Or are you saying he is under order to pay but wants to amend it due to loss of income?
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-29-2016, 07:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

Plan is to start working and tell him then to lower it or perhaps it can happen that he can take it away... wish I can say that one day to him and detach once and for all...

Last edited by Bluebirdie; 08-06-2016 at 04:00 PM.
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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-29-2016, 07:22 AM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

I am not an attorney, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt or two - I am sure some legal eagle somewhere would disagree. In fact I think most of them would.
But just let it go. While you may feel you deserve the alimony. All it does is keep you dependent on him for your livelihood (at least some of it).
Why prolong the struggle? Why waste money and time on attorneys and court battles? Get on with your life. In the end he will be the one who has to live with his actions.

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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-29-2016, 07:57 AM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

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Already talked to 2 attorneys since Feb. The divorce decree says it ends until I get married or die... which I dont expect happens soon.

In my country, the law is that if he presents a petition to lower it to lower or end it, judge analyzes the statements and can order a temporary lower alimony in the meantime I respond. If I present a request for an increase, same happens. So prefer to present mine and wait for this to happen so that I can tell ex that it is not my intention to increase but to end this once for all or we can continue the process and it can get worse for him.

Plan is to start working and tell him then to lower it or perhaps it can happen that he can take it away... wish I can say that one day to him and detach once and for all...
Holy crap lifetime alimony? Glad I live where I live then
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-29-2016, 09:46 AM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

Of course! Shouldn't he make sure she never has to work for the rest of her life?geez, isn't that fair?
Lifetime alimony???
A man would have to be an idiot to marry a woman these days.
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-29-2016, 11:40 AM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

So you're saying that because your ex husband doesn't want to continue to support you for the rest of your life, you can't have a good relationship with him?? Wow.

Did you divorce him, or did he divorce you?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-29-2016, 07:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

LOL, sorry, I think I didnt explain myself well... this was the agreement when we divorced.

Last edited by Bluebirdie; 08-06-2016 at 04:00 PM.
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2016, 05:52 AM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

Support for life after a long term marriage is that uncommon, I think in my state every three years of marriage equals one year of support. There are scenarios where life time support may be appropriate but absolutely not if the ex spouse has the ability to work and support themselves. Heck you can educate yourself with an associates degree in two years and land a decent paying job!

OP if you had proven vested interest in the "companies" you should have cashed out and taken the money, and I can't believe a lawyer didn't advise you that. Basing a life time income off of a business is crazy, on your part and on your ex's part, way to many 'what if possibilities", I'm not going to bother listing the scenarios that come to mind.

I'm guessing you are being a little deceptive with us, I don't believe your life time alimony has anything to do with the "companies". I believe because you were married a long time and and feel you played your role as wife/mother/partner you think you deserve a life time income, more like you retired than divorced.

My advise would be to plan for the worst case scenario, if the companies fail and he goes into bankruptcy it doesn't matter what your divorce decree states about support, you can't squeeze money out of nothing. Right now you know this is going to become an issue, he has already told you something needs to change, you mention one of the companies is already in trouble.

Personally I think you should renegotiate for a lump sum payment, or some other tangible asset such as more property. I would rather have the money in hand than fight and worry for the rest of my life.

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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-30-2016, 07:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

Thank Cooper for your advice. I was thinking last 2 days about talking to him about your last paragraph.
Thanks!!!

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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 11:15 AM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

Don't do anything until he either doesn't pay or makes a move to take you to court.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 12:10 PM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

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Holy crap lifetime alimony? Glad I live where I live then
Unless the spouse is permanently disabled, then being forced to pay an able bodied person to sit on their butt is a disgrace.

He should pay until she is educated and able to enter the workforce (at most 4 years for a bachelors degree).

He should even have to pay half for the schooling but after that? Then its just legal robbery.

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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 12:31 PM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

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Originally Posted by Bluebirdie View Post
I donīt like getting the money with that attitude, so plan to finish my school year in November and look for a job to get prepared and study on Saturdays, donīt want to leave my career, but in the meantime, I need to act. Is sad, never saw it coming after an amicable divorce...
Can you clarify your current school/work situation? I'm not sure I understand. You say you want to finish the school year, but then also mention leaving your career. Why would you have to give up your career? It seems like you need to keep working.
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 05:57 PM
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Re: Over divorce... now facing the fact he wants to take alimony away

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
Unless the spouse is permanently disabled, then being forced to pay an able bodied person to sit on their butt is a disgrace.

He should pay until she is educated and able to enter the workforce (at most 4 years for a bachelors degree).

He should even have to pay half for the schooling but after that? Then its just legal robbery.
I think it should be capped at 1 year max. Thankfully nothing I ever had or ever will deal with
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