Trust?
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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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Old 11-11-2011, 12:26 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Trust?

Ok so not about trusting the SO, but trust in general. How did you learn to get that back after? I am not in the D category but starting to think about the after. My W had an EA (and there were many issues prior that returned after) 2 years ago. Tried to get through it and after a year I really didnt have any trust issues with what she was doing. I thought that it was good and I wasnt going to have a problem with trust but now as I can see the facts I am starting to look toward the next relationship (whenever that is). I realized that I do have trust issues, well more insecurities. I think it wasnt that I trusted the W, it was just more that I didnt care if something else came up behind my back (nothing did). Now I realize I will likely trust someone in what they say but not that love won't fade.
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Old 11-13-2011, 10:47 AM   #2 (permalink)
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It was lack of trust that saved me. I'm not divorced but separated almost a year. What lack of trust did was made me put money away so that when he walked out I had the money and resources to get my own place and support me and my kids. It's what kept me ahead of him and still does.

"Trust no one completely" is my motto. It's sad but unfortunately it's true. I would never, ever put my trust in anyone but myself again. He used to bring up how I once said "I don't trust you" to him. When he did I thought "Damn straight and for good reason."

Except my kids. I trust them, but that's different.
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Old 11-13-2011, 11:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Therapy. I'm still working on it. I didn't trust anyone...it's getting better
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Old 11-13-2011, 12:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I don't trust my wife 100% and likely never will.
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Old 11-13-2011, 05:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Trust?

I do tend to trust someone until they give me a reason to not trust them but I do not trust blindly, nor will I ever. I'm now officially dating someone (the first official dating-dating) since my divorce. Even though we are dating, it's not a serious relationship, we are not committed to each other yet. I do like the guy, and I think the relationship could have great potential but I'm very reluctant to become attached to him. I guess I'm still very guarded. I'm pretty sure the guy likes me too, but I don't know his true feelings for me, or even if he has developed feelings for me. I don't know really how guys work, I only knew how my ex worked. My ex never had real feelings for me because of his narcissism. I'm still not convinced I'm actually worthy of someone to have real feelings for. Deep down inside of me, I'd like to believe that men do indeed develop feelings for women just the same as women do for men, but since I've never had a man have true, genuine feelings for me before, I don't know.
I also have many insecurities, I many triggers that still effect me (I made a post under CWI on a trigger I had a few days ago) I'm happy to have this new guy in my life, I'm quite good with the casualness of the new relationship because I only see him once a week, there's no pressure on either of us, it's simply one day at a time thing and going with the flow and just letting things happen as they happen. I don't think I will ever let my guard down in any future relationships. This guy has no history of ever cheating before (so he says anyways) but I will still never fully trust any man ever again.
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Old 11-13-2011, 09:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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It actually makes me sick to be forced trust the one person I distrust the most - my ex-wife.

I have to trust her that whatever decisions she makes are in the best interest and safety of our daughter. Just thinking about this right now... it's soooooo difficult.
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Old 11-13-2011, 11:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thanks, I just wonder in my next relationship how I will trust. When I think about it I wonder how to deal with wondering if she is comparing me against her past and will she change her mind. I think I can trust the person and the right then but not sure I can trust in a lasting relationship. I dont need to trust someone 100% but I do need to trust that they will be there down the road.
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Old 11-14-2011, 03:18 PM   #8 (permalink)
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2years...cross that bridge when you get there. Give a new partner the benefit of the doubt. Until they do something to fck it up.

I think it's generally a good idea to not trust anyone blindly. And if you have been cheated on (which we all have that posted here), that part of you is gone and dead forever anyway. It seems we never get that part of ourselves back. And I don't think that is a bad thing. Makes us smarter, wiser, etc.

Go with the flow though. Don't let the past dictate your future.
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Old 11-14-2011, 05:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I think that when you are ready, it will surprise you. I felt like I could never trust another man after the way my ex manipulated me. But I found myself in a situation where it was just "right". I don't trust blindly, but this man also gives me NO reason to doubt him, and that's even with 300 miles between us. Be open, honest, and expect the same that you give. Good luck.
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Old 11-14-2011, 07:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks, I know I need to wait and see. Just hard when I realized that I didnt regain trust in my wife that it was just I didnt care if it happend again. I mistook that as trusting for some time. I hope it surprises me, I know it will take a special person to accept me for me no matter what my hangups are. I need to just take one step at a time.
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Old 11-16-2011, 07:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
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For me, it's pretty hard to do. Like you can always say that you can't trust someone anymore but you keep on doing it and you don't know why.
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