What I know...two years later.
Two years ago, I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I was dealing with the fact that the man I believed to have been my soul mate was done with the marriage. The next year would be one of the worst years of my life. The grief was intense and the depression never seemed to let up.
So two years later...I still grieve. And when I grieve it can be just as intense as it was. But I don't have the need to grieve very often. And when I grieve it doesn't last very long.
I've stopped being angry at him for ending the marriage. I've stopped being angry with him for cheating. I am happy/content with my new normal.
I am still angry with the fact that he moved next door to my brother. He put my brother and his partner into an awkward position and and it effected my relationship with them. And also he's lazy, so he will never ever move unless he's forced to.
There are still triggers, although they are fewer and farther between. I had a hard time when my best friend was in town. A lot of things changed in our divorce and my relationship with her was one of them. I don't think she ever understood my grief, and I don't think I ever really understood her forgiveness and tolerance of him.
But after she left things calmed down for me emotionally.
On Monday, I start my first class as an official Ph.D. student. I am in control of my finances, and have managed to reduce my budget enough that I could afford to drop down to working 4 days a week.
I think about dating sometimes, but the truth of the matter is that I don't want to be anyone's girl friend. I don't want to get married in the near future (if ever), I don't want to share my space. I like knowing that if there is a cup on the counter, it's because I put it there. And when I clean my house, I can keep it clean. (well to the point that one can keep it clean with three animals in the house.) And the toilet seat is never ever up. The tiny little conflicts and frustrations are just gone.
I don't know if I will change how I feel, I don't rule it out.
So at two years out...I am the happiest I think I have been since I was 23. It's not to say that it was all bad. I was in love. I loved that man. And that's a wonderful thing to have experienced. But he made choices that made it foolish to continue to love him.
I don't know what his life is like. I don't know if he's happy or depressed, if he's grown or stagnated. I do know where he lives, unfortunately. But outside of that he is a stranger. He is a distant memory most of the time. And me? I like who I am and I like my life. And at least for today, I regret nothing.
Last edited by BlueWoman; 08-20-2016 at 09:23 PM.