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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-21-2016, 12:37 PM Thread Starter
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New chapter

Divorce was final over the winter. Started a new position last week at the school I've been working at for the past few months and I'm really excited about it! Really like my new colleagues. Working towards grad school applications and studying for grad school standardized tests is pretty daunting but I'm really excited about getting my master's degree. I've secretly always wanted to get my master's but kept putting it off as I felt I wasn't academic enough. Now, I feel like, if I can weather what I weathered over the past couple of years, I can handle this next chapter. Some of the self-doubt I felt over the past few years has dissipated. It feels pretty amazing not to be married, actually.

My son's doing really well, considering. He's happy and energetic. He has friends. We've been going out to the park on hikes and running more, which is a lot for a kid his age, but he LOVES it so much and keeps asking to go. We went for a hike today on a local island and he kept looking for pirates because apparently that's what he knows about islands - they have pirates on them hehe.

I'm still dating the same guy and while I don't see it lasting long-term, he's fun to spend time with. It's nice to have someone whose company you enjoy, even if the relationship isn't my priority right now. The chemistry is pretty amazing, but I'm busy with my son, with work, with the prospect of going back to school and doing some work-related learning too, so it actually feels really good to not have a relationship take up a lot of headspace. We don't see each other that often but when we do, it's a lot of fun

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-21-2016, 02:04 PM
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Re: New chapter

It is good to see you are doing better as well! Keep the positive flow coming. One the things I have come to dislike about this forum is the seemingly scarce posts about post divorce successes and recoveries. I wish more people would post about them. I asked the moderators to start a new subforum for that very purpose. It seems all to often most of the posts on this subforum are about the devastation one is going thru immediately after the divorce, and there are very few about the good things that come of it.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-10-2016, 06:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New chapter

Well, the relationship fizzled. But I hadn't anticipated it being a longterm thing, I guess. I miss him, but I'm happy enough in my life that beyond a few pangs of loss, I feel like I have the tools to deal with this now. One of the blessings, if you can call it that, of divorce is that we learn we are capable of dealing with more pain than we knew was possible and coming out the other side.

The weather is slowly cooling and we're approaching my favorite season. Just a few more weeks until beautiful trees and hot coffee weather!!!
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: New chapter

There are still rough days, but I feel very hopeful right now. My job is great. I have found something I LOVE doing. My son is doing much better these days and is a true gift to have around and to spend time with. I am blessed to have him so much in my life. We have 2 cats who chase reflections and sleep on my pillows, and do cat things. They don't f*^& strippers or friends. They are just crazy, zany, cuddly little fluffballs. I'm going on a few first dates here and there.

Side note - is it a little icky to anyone else to be hit on online by folks over 15 years older than them? Maybe I am naive but I would NEVER have thought someone that much older than me could see someone like me as a romantic interest. Honestly, it grosses me out a little. When I think about guys 15 years younger than me, I can't really imagine that they would ever be a partner, or an intellectual equal. I certainly don't find them attractive. To me, they're kids.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 01:29 PM
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Re: New chapter

Some people like that. In the first 18 months after I was freshly divorced from my ex wife at 25, I actually saw four different women who were from 12 to 21 years older than me.

It was awkward when the 46 year old's daughter came out of her room on a Sunday morning to me eating breakfast with her mom in the kitchen and she was only a few years younger than me (college aged)...lol

What it really comes down to is where your interest and attraction lies. I was interested in many different types of people. Your interests may be more narrow and that is okay. However, I would try to avoid insulting someone for pursuing their preferences.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 02:23 PM
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Re: New chapter

Quote:
Originally Posted by joannacroc View Post
There are still rough days, but I feel very hopeful right now. My job is great. I have found something I LOVE doing. My son is doing much better these days and is a true gift to have around and to spend time with. I am blessed to have him so much in my life. We have 2 cats who chase reflections and sleep on my pillows, and do cat things. They don't f*^& strippers or friends. They are just crazy, zany, cuddly little fluffballs. I'm going on a few first dates here and there.

Side note - is it a little icky to anyone else to be hit on online by folks over 15 years older than them? Maybe I am naive but I would NEVER have thought someone that much older than me could see someone like me as a romantic interest. Honestly, it grosses me out a little. When I think about guys 15 years younger than me, I can't really imagine that they would ever be a partner, or an intellectual equal. I certainly don't find them attractive. To me, they're kids.
But they would if they could, because they're cats!!

When I was single I fairly briefly dated someone 16 years younger than me ( 51 & 35 ). We were keeping it casual but I was very aware that we were in very different positions in life and it probably wouldn't be a long term thing. We broke up very amicably and we're still friends, she is a wonderful person and I really hope she finds the happiness she deserves. It worked for us both at the time.

I won't give you the "age is just a number" BS. I know there are some relationships with a big age gap that work but generally I don't think it's a good idea.

My suggestion would be don't go looking for someone to partner up with, get used to enjoying your own life and meet new people, date around and even try types you wouldn't normally go for. When you meet someone who you know makes your life better then think about long term.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 05:58 PM
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Re: New chapter

Despite the set backs and despite the "ickiness" the fact is that you are still out there! Keep staying out there! You never know what you may find or who you may find or vice versa.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2016, 06:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: New chapter

Quote:
Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
Some people like that. In the first 18 months after I was freshly divorced from my ex wife at 25, I actually saw four different women who were from 12 to 21 years older than me.

It was awkward when the 46 year old's daughter came out of her room on a Sunday morning to me eating breakfast with her mom in the kitchen and she was only a few years younger than me (college aged)...lol

What it really comes down to is where your interest and attraction lies. I was interested in many different types of people. Your interests may be more narrow and that is okay. However, I would try to avoid insulting someone for pursuing their preferences.
Yeah, I guess you're right. Something about the dynamic of a big age gap is off-putting to me, but I didn't intend any offense. It just felt a bit like a Woody Allen movie where the girl is always at least 10 or 15 years younger than the protagonist. That's my gut reaction. But I don't judge them for contacting me, I just don't respond; since I'm not interested I wouldn't want to waste their time or my own.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2016, 06:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: New chapter

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Originally Posted by WonkyNinja View Post
But they would if they could, because they're cats!!

When I was single I fairly briefly dated someone 16 years younger than me ( 51 & 35 ). We were keeping it casual but I was very aware that we were in very different positions in life and it probably wouldn't be a long term thing. We broke up very amicably and we're still friends, she is a wonderful person and I really hope she finds the happiness she deserves. It worked for us both at the time.

I won't give you the "age is just a number" BS. I know there are some relationships with a big age gap that work but generally I don't think it's a good idea.

My suggestion would be don't go looking for someone to partner up with, get used to enjoying your own life and meet new people, date around and even try types you wouldn't normally go for. When you meet someone who you know makes your life better then think about long term.
You're right. They totally would. Because...cats.
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