Dating after divorce - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 69Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 67 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 04:04 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 65
Re: Dating after divorce

Lawyer gives the okay.

itsontherocks is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 67 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 04:06 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 65
Re: Dating after divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucasJackson View Post
Not mixed signals. She likes you. Call her, be confident, ask her out for a 1-on-1 situation, not group.
Pretty sure. After all, would a person with little interest jump into a car with someone, giggle and stroke your arm and "call you to see where I was"? Though, she wasn't playing with her hair. However, I did see her looking at me several times during the night. Then, look away after I made eye contact.
itsontherocks is offline  
post #18 of 67 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 04:10 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 560
Re: Dating after divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by itsontherocks View Post
Pretty sure. After all, would a person with little interest jump into a car with someone, giggle and stroke your arm and "call you to see where I was"? Though, she wasn't playing with her hair. However, I did see her looking at me several times during the night. Then, look away after I made eye contact.
You've got more than enough positive signals to go by. Do something interesting. Here in Cincinnati a place opened up that does a dinner date with a unique twist. There is a chef and all the couples have their own workstation. He/she teaches you how to cook some type of gourmet meal and you cook it during class. You two eat the meal you cooked. It's a lot of fun even if you don't know how to cook. The chef is there to help you through any tough spots.

That's a really fun non-traditional date. Wherever you live maybe they have something like that. She is interested, that's pretty clear.
LucasJackson is offline  
 
post #19 of 67 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 02:34 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 65
Re: Dating after divorce

Certainly entertaining it. She couldn't make it to the last event, so I texted her saying she was missed. Replied back as aww, that's so sweet. Texted a little bit and she said she was going to try to make this weekend's event. I was going to ask her in person. Spoke to our mutual friend, she said go for it, but had hesitation due to the 7 year age difference. Also, if it didn't work out was a slight concern as well.

Also thought the aww, that's so sweet as a text response was a bit different than what I expected. Not really used to this, so trying to read through the lines. Thinking she has little interest, but I could be misreading into things. We'll see if she comes by next weekend. Not too confident that she will though.
itsontherocks is offline  
post #20 of 67 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 10:19 AM
Member
 
Acoa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,502
Re: Dating after divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by itsontherocks View Post
Certainly entertaining it. She couldn't make it to the last event, so I texted her saying she was missed. Replied back as aww, that's so sweet. Texted a little bit and she said she was going to try to make this weekend's event. I was going to ask her in person. Spoke to our mutual friend, she said go for it, but had hesitation due to the 7 year age difference. Also, if it didn't work out was a slight concern as well.

Also thought the aww, that's so sweet as a text response was a bit different than what I expected. Not really used to this, so trying to read through the lines. Thinking she has little interest, but I could be misreading into things. We'll see if she comes by next weekend. Not too confident that she will though.
Be prepared for 3 types of responses:
- Interested, (aka a yes), all good, move ahead with caution
- No but thanks (the proper let down), take it well, okay to leave a 'if you ever change your mind' type of opening. But let it drop.
- Look a distraction, (I'm too chicken to say no). Let it drop, she probably wants to say no, but doesn't want the friend circle to implode.

You don't get a yes without asking, so you'll have to go for it. Timid men don't get many dates. But be prepared for a no. Handle a no with grace (many men get agitated and angry when they get a no, don't be "that guy").

Good practice at handling rejection is to try hitting on random strangers. Start paying attention when you are out and about (grocery store, restaurant or bar). Look for available women, strike up a conversation. If they engage in banter, then move on to asking for a number. You will get a lot of "no" through this approach. You'll also get some funny stories. Have fun with it. Don't take yourself too seriously.
Acoa is offline  
post #21 of 67 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 10:58 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 65
Re: Dating after divorce

Here's an interesting update. Our mutual friend texted me today and said she's sleeping over the girl I am interested in's place to go to the event on Saturday. I said, okay, sounds good. Then she asked me what am I doing on Friday? I said why? She wanted both of them to come over to my home and say hi. I thought that was a bit awkward as there is some interest on my end. I said, I am working the night shift, but if I get out earlier, I would text her.

Again, I've been out of dating for so long, I do not know how to read this. I've only met this girl once, but our mutual friend I've known for almost a decade. I would be a bit on edge if she came over, especially with our friend. I assume she ran this by her before asking me, but not sure. I wanted to see if there was still chemistry first before I make a move.

Very confused. Feel like I am in my early 20's all over again. Something I really wanted to avoid.
itsontherocks is offline  
post #22 of 67 (permalink) Old 08-31-2016, 11:03 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 65
Re: Dating after divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acoa View Post
Be prepared for 3 types of responses:
- Interested, (aka a yes), all good, move ahead with caution
- No but thanks (the proper let down), take it well, okay to leave a 'if you ever change your mind' type of opening. But let it drop.
- Look a distraction, (I'm too chicken to say no). Let it drop, she probably wants to say no, but doesn't want the friend circle to implode.

You don't get a yes without asking, so you'll have to go for it. Timid men don't get many dates. But be prepared for a no. Handle a no with grace (many men get agitated and angry when they get a no, don't be "that guy").

Good practice at handling rejection is to try hitting on random strangers. Start paying attention when you are out and about (grocery store, restaurant or bar). Look for available women, strike up a conversation. If they engage in banter, then move on to asking for a number. You will get a lot of "no" through this approach. You'll also get some funny stories. Have fun with it. Don't take yourself too seriously.
I have no problem striking up conversations with women, even very attractive ones. However, when they start the smile, play with their hair, rub my arm, etc., I get worried and then I lose my cool. The more attractive the woman, the less I can hold myself together, not sure why. Perhaps, on a subconscious level, I do not feel that I am in their league or something.
itsontherocks is offline  
post #23 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 07:09 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,306
Re: Dating after divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by itsontherocks View Post
Since the wife is not technically signed off on the papers yet if I can actually date? The papers are at her lawyers, so it's only a few weeks I assume. I can ask my lawyer, but he's 450 a hour and he'll charge me 30 minutes to respond via e-mail. We've been living apart for nearly six months. The marriage broke down beginning of 2015.



Hoping someone else would know.


Yes, you can go out with the woman or anyone else for lunch or dinner or coffee. That is legally not infidelity.
225985 is offline  
post #24 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-01-2016, 07:48 AM
Member
 
Betrayedone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 444
Re: Dating after divorce

You need to work on your game. Be cool, considerate but casual, be fun and funny. Stop the high school antics and all will be well.
Betrayedone is offline  
post #25 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 05:06 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,070
Re: Dating after divorce

STOP overthinking it and just do it for Chrissakes! You are making this into some life altering event. That is the reason you get tongue tied and nervous. It isn't. It is just one woman out of billions. If she is interested you will find out. If she isn't you will find out. Either way you will KNOW instead of sitting here wringing your hands with angst and anxiety on TAM.


At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
Ynot is offline  
post #26 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 06:07 AM
Member
 
whitehawk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,402
Re: Dating after divorce

It's funny really though, the if she's interested you will know it thing . Because l've found not always.
Some girls are a bit reserved or like to make you sweat and earn it . Me l don't mind that , l like it in fact bc it shows she's not about to just jump or mess about with just anyone, she wants to know if she's worth the persisting or if you'll just bail.

But in this case the awww, so sweet thing , l dunno ,just sounded too friend like to me. And turning up with the friend , more friend like, but hey l could be wrong . Could be a mile wrong it's a tricky business
whitehawk is offline  
post #27 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 08:12 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 65
Re: Dating after divorce

I was going to ask her tomorrow night in person, but it seems she's bring a friend (not sure if male or female) along with her, so I'm just going to back away. No harm, no foul. Prob. just read the signs wrong.
itsontherocks is offline  
post #28 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 09:50 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,070
Re: Dating after divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by itsontherocks View Post
I was going to ask her tomorrow night in person, but it seems she's bring a friend (not sure if male or female) along with her, so I'm just going to back away. No harm, no foul. Prob. just read the signs wrong.
Sorry dude, but you are pvssying out on this one. If YOU are interested ask her out. If you aren't then walk away. You have put way too much thought into this whole thing. So what if she brings a friend. For all you know that is all he is, but if you walk away you will never find out. Be a man and stop over thinking it.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
Ynot is offline  
post #29 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 09:32 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 65
Re: Dating after divorce

Not that I am a pvssy, just cautious. I do not like that I feel like I am insecure an unsure of a situation. Haven't been in this type of position for a near decade, it's foreign. I also do not want to be let down, nor do I want to make anything awkward for anyone.

As an update, our mutual friend called me today and asked if all three of us were meeting up for dinner, I passed. One, because, three's a crowd. Two, I don't understand why she's bringing another person to this weekend's event. So, naturally, anyone would be cautious. Interestingly, she texted me about an hour ago saying she missed me at dinner. So, as you can see, I am so confused. I should prob. reply, awww, that's so sweet. LOL.

I know it not good to be too available anyway, so it was for the best. I'll reply in a bit. It feels like a game of cat and mouse. I recall playing these games back in my 20's when I was courting my ex-wife (hopefully soon). We all know how that turned out.
itsontherocks is offline  
post #30 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-03-2016, 06:04 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,070
Re: Dating after divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by itsontherocks View Post
Not that I am a pvssy, just cautious. I do not like that I feel like I am insecure an unsure of a situation. Haven't been in this type of position for a near decade, it's foreign. I also do not want to be let down, nor do I want to make anything awkward for anyone.

As an update, our mutual friend called me today and asked if all three of us were meeting up for dinner, I passed. One, because, three's a crowd. Two, I don't understand why she's bringing another person to this weekend's event. So, naturally, anyone would be cautious. Interestingly, she texted me about an hour ago saying she missed me at dinner. So, as you can see, I am so confused. I should prob. reply, awww, that's so sweet. LOL.

I know it not good to be too available anyway, so it was for the best. I'll reply in a bit. It feels like a game of cat and mouse. I recall playing these games back in my 20's when I was courting my ex-wife (hopefully soon). We all know how that turned out.
Listen man, I was you. I made excuses myself. But read what you wrote, first an excuse (not a pvssy, just cautious). then another excuse (unsure and uncertain). and another excuse (haven't been there for a while, its foreign) and another excuse (don't want to be let down), followed by another excuse (don't want to make things awkward for someone else). The reality? You are afraid. Afraid it will be uncomfortable for you, afraid you will get let down, afraid to find out, because you are afraid it won't work out.

It is only a game, because YOU are playing a game. You are looking at it like it some grand strategy with some final outcome. It isn't. It is just life. it is one frigging date with one frigging person. In your mind you have built this up into a life altering game changer and setting your self up for disappointment.

Face your fears, you are probably doing more to drive this person out of your life by being timid and afraid, than you would by simply asking her out. What is the worst thing that could happen? I mean the absolute worst thing? She says no? If she does, then you don't have to sit around wringing your hands wondering what you should do, how you should act, omigod, omigod, omigod! If she says yes it COULD be the start of a great relationship, whether that be friendship or more. Wringing your hand doesn't solve anything

Face your fears! The results will be a pleasant surprise. You will gain confidence, so that the next time something like this comes up, you won't hesitate. You will act. Which is far more attractive than being frozen with fear is.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!

Last edited by Ynot; 09-03-2016 at 06:08 AM.
Ynot is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wife wants a divorce, I don't. Seeyouinspain Going Through Divorce or Separation 20 08-21-2016 05:12 PM
Husband wants a divorce Running Mom Considering Divorce or Separation 18 07-19-2016 03:50 PM
Dating While Separated / On Way To Divorce EllisRedding General Relationship Discussion 11 04-26-2016 08:24 AM
Sole parents with children and dating Threeblessings Life After Divorce 16 01-11-2016 08:10 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome