Dating after divorce - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #31 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-06-2016, 05:42 AM
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Re: Dating after divorce

Ok, Saturday was the day. Did you cave into your fears or did you face them and defeat them? There is no shame, only a lesson to learn.


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post #32 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-07-2016, 07:52 AM
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Re: Dating after divorce

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I have no problem striking up conversations with women, even very attractive ones. However, when they start the smile, play with their hair, rub my arm, etc., I get worried and then I lose my cool. The more attractive the woman, the less I can hold myself together, not sure why. Perhaps, on a subconscious level, I do not feel that I am in their league or something.
Work on this. It comes down to how you value yourself. If you know you are a good catch, then act like it. That will turn her on. And if it doesn't, then she wasn't interested. You won't be every woman's cup of tea, but you will certainly be someone's!
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post #33 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-07-2016, 09:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

We all had a good time. She brought her sister with her. She left a few hours later and we spent some time together. After that, she texted me she had a great time and I could text her at any time. The next couple of days she was contacting me each day. I asked her last night for dinner next Saturday, and she said yes.

Yes, I know its a confidence issue. When ur in a marriage where your not appreciated and dogged on all the time, it tends to kill the ego.
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post #34 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-08-2016, 06:00 AM
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Re: Dating after divorce

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We all had a good time. She brought her sister with her. She left a few hours later and we spent some time together. After that, she texted me she had a great time and I could text her at any time. The next couple of days she was contacting me each day. I asked her last night for dinner next Saturday, and she said yes.

Yes, I know its a confidence issue. When ur in a marriage where your not appreciated and dogged on all the time, it tends to kill the ego.
You are absolutely right. It is a confidence issue. I've been there. Good job! Now, just roll with it and don't be too serious - have fun.

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post #35 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

We hung out over the weekend both nights. Surprisingly, it seems we mesh well. Similar goals, interests, likes, etc. She happens to be a really good kisser as well. I had to slow things down a bit, but all in all, there is a good connection here it seems. I am cautious and a bit on guard, but much stronger initial feelings than with my ex-wife during dating. Ironically, similar to the initial feelings from a woman I dated back in my mid 20's. Overall, pretty happy thus far with how things are progressing. Trying to take things in baby steps, but there is a strong attraction to each other.
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post #36 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 02:58 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

Well there you go........Don't take this as the end of your journey. You have a lot of dating to do until you reach your destination.
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post #37 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 03:19 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

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We hung out over the weekend both nights. Surprisingly, it seems we mesh well. Similar goals, interests, likes, etc. She happens to be a really good kisser as well. I had to slow things down a bit, but all in all, there is a good connection here it seems. I am cautious and a bit on guard, but much stronger initial feelings than with my ex-wife during dating. Ironically, similar to the initial feelings from a woman I dated back in my mid 20's. Overall, pretty happy thus far with how things are progressing. Trying to take things in baby steps, but there is a strong attraction to each other.
Keep taking the baby steps but have fun and don't overthink it all. I have had the same experience. 24 year marriage and suddenly out in the universe all by my lonesome. it is daunting but what you will find out is if you are just yourself you will attract what you seek. And those you don't attract, well good luck to them, but they weren't really your kind anyways.
Beyond that, I have also met a woman ten years younger than I am. She is a knockout in every way. Smart, successful, accomplished, sexy as hell. Spending time with her has made any lingering anger and angst disappear. I have no idea how things will turn out, but for the time being I am accepting what the universe provides and having fun. One of the fun things you can experience now is to just observe your own reactions and learn from them.

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post #38 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

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Keep taking the baby steps but have fun and don't overthink it all. I have had the same experience. 24 year marriage and suddenly out in the universe all by my lonesome. it is daunting but what you will find out is if you are just yourself you will attract what you seek. And those you don't attract, well good luck to them, but they weren't really your kind anyways.
Beyond that, I have also met a woman ten years younger than I am. She is a knockout in every way. Smart, successful, accomplished, sexy as hell. Spending time with her has made any lingering anger and angst disappear. I have no idea how things will turn out, but for the time being I am accepting what the universe provides and having fun. One of the fun things you can experience now is to just observe your own reactions and learn from them.
Agreed completely. I guess I thought no one would be interested in a divorced man. Guess, I was wrong. As it seems, when I joined the group, I wasn't even looking to "date", just to hang out and make friends again. Good ole wifey killed my other relationships cause she wanted us to go hang out with her family (not mine of course) or just wanted to stay home cause she was tired (then complained we never went anywhere).

Interesting you said the thing about the universe. She said something very similar yesterday to me. LOL. One of the people in the the group, our mutual friend, said we're funny together. Then, said, if it doesn't work out, I still want us to be friends... Not sure why she'd say something like that. We'll see where this journey takes us.
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post #39 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 04:00 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

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Agreed completely. I guess I thought no one would be interested in a divorced man. Guess, I was wrong. As it seems, when I joined the group, I wasn't even looking to "date", just to hang out and make friends again. Good ole wifey killed my other relationships cause she wanted us to go hang out with her family (not mine of course) or just wanted to stay home cause she was tired (then complained we never went anywhere).

Interesting you said the thing about the universe. She said something very similar yesterday to me. LOL. One of the people in the the group, our mutual friend, said we're funny together. Then, said, if it doesn't work out, I still want us to be friends... Not sure why she'd say something like that. We'll see where this journey takes us.
You will discover a lot as you move forward. We tend to accept whatever our marriages were about as "normal". You are about to discover a whole new world my friend! Enjoy the journey!

The woman I am dating asked me about my past and how it had changed my views. My response was that the universe has brought me to the exact place I am supposed to be. Where we are is the sum total of every decision, good and bad, we have made to this point in our lives and now that we know this and recognize it, it is up to each of us to make the most out of the opportunities that life presents. Hence my statement about the universe. Think positively and positive will come your way.

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post #40 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 08:20 AM
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Re: Dating after divorce

How's it going with the gal you're interested in?

Her friend is playing matchmaker. No doubt she is "into you."

Ynot....... have to say you sure as he!! ain't the same guy whose thread I posted on two years ago.

Congratulations! :fistpump:


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B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #41 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 08:58 AM
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Cool Re: Dating after divorce

Sounds as if you've gotten things well under control!

Stay out there in your renewed confidence and just have a fabulous time, taking time to enjoy every step of your exploratory journey together!

Have fun!

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post #42 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 05:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

Going pretty good. Strong connection it seems. I could be second guessing myself. I did tell her I am guarded at times, but tend to open up in time. There are similar actions and responses that my ex did during our dating period. Good things, not bad things. It seems my mind it on the look out for similarities with her so that is why I am guarded at times. She seems very understanding and during intimacy, there is a real strong connection. A stronger connection than what I had with my ex-wife. That's a plus.
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post #43 of 67 (permalink) Old 09-28-2016, 09:23 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

Sounds like she likes you.
She may be conservative, like me. Try to be a little more outgoing, but don't push too much, you may scare her off.
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post #44 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 09:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

Just a few issues that we're having. She had minor outpatient "surgery", and she's been in a lot of pain, but doesn't want to go anywhere. First off, I offered to go with her to the doctor, but she declined. I offered to picker her up and take her out or back to my place to relax, she declined. She wanted me to come with her and stay with her. Normally, if she had her own place, no doubt. However, she lives with her parents and sisters at 28. Plus, they have two dogs which I am allergic to. I love dogs, but my eyes get beet red, puffy and itchy to the point I cannot see. She also wanted me to sleep at her parents house in their spare bedroom. I just feel funny and told her my concerns. She said I should put my issues aside and deal with it. Also, the Mom is a busy body.. Complains that we switch off on the dinners, and that I don't always pick her up (she has a car. I agreed to swtich on that too, not enough).

She wanted to go somewhere for New Years, so Imboked a nice hotel and made us plans. Cost me a nice chunk of dough. Becuase of her "surgery", she asked me to pick up her bag from her house. A week before, she said she'd drop it off, but now, she asked me to pick it up. I said I will on my way home. She said she wasn't feeling well, and had to sleep, so not to come by. Six hours later, around 8pm, she texted me to come pick up the bag, she'll lave outside. I said, I am not your slave. I offered earlier, you declined. I am not driving 30 mins there, then 30 mins back for a bag. She cannot drive because she is on Oxycotin. I asked if your parents or one of your sisters to drop it off. She said no. I said, well, I guess you will be bringing it with you to work. She then rwnted and raved ln me. Then said what if you come by before work and meet me at the train station. I said sure. Then she said, no, how about you meet me at my house and pick it up instead? Said no, it's too out of my way in the opposite direction of my commute. She replied, guess I am not going then, I said fine,. I think she didn't want me to meet her at the train station because I'd see her driving. Just a guess.

Anyway, she got sick, so we couldn't go. Lost the miney on the tickets to the event and the hotel room. She then complained that we didn't do anything for New Years.

Seems like a completely different person than five months ago. Told her nothing I do is good enough for her and I am at my wits end. She said she is too. She then said whatever and not continuing this conversation, then stopped repling.

So confused..
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post #45 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 11:01 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

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Seems like a completely different person than five months ago. Told her nothing I do is good enough for her and I am at my wits end. She said she is too. She then said whatever and not continuing this conversation, then stopped repling.

So confused..
You aren't actually confused. A part of you knows this isn't right and that the relationship has to end. The confusion you feel is because you aren't quite ready to let it go yet...so that part of you is conflicted with the other part of you that knows the relationship should end.

Things shouldn't be this difficult.

Unless you want to have a push-pull relationship full of drama....which maybe you do? That's ok, too.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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