Dating after divorce - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #46 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-02-2017, 05:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
You aren't actually confused. A part of you knows this isn't right and that the relationship has to end. The confusion you feel is because you aren't quite ready to let it go yet...so that part of you is conflicted with the other part of you that knows the relationship should end.

Things shouldn't be this difficult.

Unless you want to have a push-pull relationship full of drama....which maybe you do? That's ok, too.
Agreed. I guess my heart wants to show compassion for her when she's not feeling well. However, every time I do, it seems it's not enough. She couldn't go out on X-Mas because she wasn't feeling well, so I brought over her gifts, and she texted back thank you she loved them. A few days later, this fallout occurs. Very strange.. Something told me not to bring over the gifts, however, my heart thought it would uplift her feelings. Yet, two days ago, she said she felt very fortunate for having her new job and a man in her life.

The old saying I guess is true. No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.

My brain tells me to say adios.

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post #47 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-02-2017, 06:06 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

she sounds like she is milking this pain and you, and your brain is telling you your lactose intolerant....Listen to your brain
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post #48 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:19 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

Nice username.

The bag thing was a classic sh!t test, and you passed with flying colors. Selfish and manipulative behavior. She's looking for a doormat. Don't be a doormat. NEXT.
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post #49 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:23 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

Did you decide to bring the xmas gifts over on your own, with no input / whining / implying from her?

Regardless, going off on you for not going an hour out of your way for her 'convenience' is unacceptable.
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post #50 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

Yea, I like your username too.

I felt bad that she's having issues, so I offered to drive by after work, she said she was going to sleep. Fair enough. Hours later, she then started the rant. It was very bewildering and shocking at the same time. Yes, I felt like she was attempting to treat me like a doormat. I saw it a mile away, so I said no. She then offered to meet me the next morning half way, I said fine. Then, she changed to just come to pick it up at my house, no. That was where it was left. She was nice for a couple of days and I felt bad, so I offered to bring over her gifts and left it outside (my idea). She also caught the stomach virus. She thanked me for the gifts and said she loved them. Two days later, this crap happened out of no where. It's been three days since I heard from her. Seriously, just a nutty situation. This came out of left field.

I am getting to like the solo life more and more. Regretfully, relationships, at least in my area, are just not worth it. This one was fine til two weeks ago. I have no idea what the f is going on. However, I learned from my x-wife a bit, so I caught it pretty fast. Even I told myself this isn't good. I was told I am not trying hard enough because she's in pain. Let's go over what I offered and did:

1. Offered to go the doc with her. She said no.
2. Offered to pick her up and take her out and do things or come to my place to relax. She said no.
3. Spend over a thousand dollars (which I've now lost) for a NYE event and hotel reservation. She got sick. Not her fault. However, zero appreciation.
4. Brought her over x-mas gifts and some drinks (Gatorade for the stomach virus - 24 bottles).

What she wanted. Me to stay with her with her parents and two sisters and sit with her while she was sick (so I got sick too. Her Mom is now sick as well). Also, I am allergic to dogs, she as two of them. I am supposed to sit there and suffer through it. My eyes are still red, swollen and peeling from my last encounter with them. Plus, one doesn't shut up. Just barks like the day is long. So, all in all, just because she's suffering, I should also be in pain so I can suffer too?

What the ....?
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post #51 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 07:01 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

She is obviously accustomed to getting her way at every turn with the "men" in her life, and probably thinks giving you the silent treatment for a while will help you come around. Nice work thusfar.
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post #52 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 09:38 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

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Originally Posted by itsontherocks View Post
Yea, I like your username too.

I felt bad that she's having issues, so I offered to drive by after work, she said she was going to sleep. Fair enough. Hours later, she then started the rant. It was very bewildering and shocking at the same time. Yes, I felt like she was attempting to treat me like a doormat. I saw it a mile away, so I said no. She then offered to meet me the next morning half way, I said fine. Then, she changed to just come to pick it up at my house, no. That was where it was left. She was nice for a couple of days and I felt bad, so I offered to bring over her gifts and left it outside (my idea). She also caught the stomach virus. She thanked me for the gifts and said she loved them. Two days later, this crap happened out of no where. It's been three days since I heard from her. Seriously, just a nutty situation. This came out of left field.

I am getting to like the solo life more and more. Regretfully, relationships, at least in my area, are just not worth it. This one was fine til two weeks ago. I have no idea what the f is going on. However, I learned from my x-wife a bit, so I caught it pretty fast. Even I told myself this isn't good. I was told I am not trying hard enough because she's in pain. Let's go over what I offered and did:

1. Offered to go the doc with her. She said no.
2. Offered to pick her up and take her out and do things or come to my place to relax. She said no.
3. Spend over a thousand dollars (which I've now lost) for a NYE event and hotel reservation. She got sick. Not her fault. However, zero appreciation.
4. Brought her over x-mas gifts and some drinks (Gatorade for the stomach virus - 24 bottles).

What she wanted. Me to stay with her with her parents and two sisters and sit with her while she was sick (so I got sick too. Her Mom is now sick as well). Also, I am allergic to dogs, she as two of them. I am supposed to sit there and suffer through it. My eyes are still red, swollen and peeling from my last encounter with them. Plus, one doesn't shut up. Just barks like the day is long. So, all in all, just because she's suffering, I should also be in pain so I can suffer too?

What the ....?
The "honeymoon" must be over....

She is showing you who she really is..... BELIEVE her.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #53 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 11:01 AM
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Re: Dating after divorce

You're explaining all that you've done for/offered to her.

What value has she brought to YOUR life?

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #54 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 11:25 AM
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Re: Dating after divorce

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Just a few issues that we're having. She had minor outpatient "surgery", and she's been in a lot of pain, but doesn't want to go anywhere. First off, I offered to go with her to the doctor, but she declined. I offered to picker her up and take her out or back to my place to relax, she declined. She wanted me to come with her and stay with her. Normally, if she had her own place, no doubt. However, she lives with her parents and sisters at 28. Plus, they have two dogs which I am allergic to. I love dogs, but my eyes get beet red, puffy and itchy to the point I cannot see. She also wanted me to sleep at her parents house in their spare bedroom. I just feel funny and told her my concerns. She said I should put my issues aside and deal with it. Also, the Mom is a busy body.. Complains that we switch off on the dinners, and that I don't always pick her up (she has a car. I agreed to swtich on that too, not enough).

She wanted to go somewhere for New Years, so Imboked a nice hotel and made us plans. Cost me a nice chunk of dough. Becuase of her "surgery", she asked me to pick up her bag from her house. A week before, she said she'd drop it off, but now, she asked me to pick it up. I said I will on my way home. She said she wasn't feeling well, and had to sleep, so not to come by. Six hours later, around 8pm, she texted me to come pick up the bag, she'll lave outside. I said, I am not your slave. I offered earlier, you declined. I am not driving 30 mins there, then 30 mins back for a bag. She cannot drive because she is on Oxycotin. I asked if your parents or one of your sisters to drop it off. She said no. I said, well, I guess you will be bringing it with you to work. She then rwnted and raved ln me. Then said what if you come by before work and meet me at the train station. I said sure. Then she said, no, how about you meet me at my house and pick it up instead? Said no, it's too out of my way in the opposite direction of my commute. She replied, guess I am not going then, I said fine,. I think she didn't want me to meet her at the train station because I'd see her driving. Just a guess.

Anyway, she got sick, so we couldn't go. Lost the miney on the tickets to the event and the hotel room. She then complained that we didn't do anything for New Years.

Seems like a completely different person than five months ago. Told her nothing I do is good enough for her and I am at my wits end. She said she is too. She then said whatever and not continuing this conversation, then stopped repling.

So confused..
Run Forrest Run ....
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post #55 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

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The "honeymoon" must be over....

She is showing you who she really is..... BELIEVE her.
Ironically, I said the same thing to her via text. Damn shame..

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post #56 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 12:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

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You're explaining all that you've done for/offered to her.

What value has she brought to YOUR life?
Interestingly enough, not much. I had the same conversation with my Mom the other day. She told me show her to the door.
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post #57 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 12:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

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Run Forrest Run ....
Yep, seems so. Not getting into another power struggle relationship. One per lifetime...

And she was so nice and accommodating for the first four months... Must be something in the water.
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post #58 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating after divorce

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She is obviously accustomed to getting her way at every turn with the "men" in her life, and probably thinks giving you the silent treatment for a while will help you come around. Nice work thusfar.

It seems many modern young adult women feel this way... Not understanding why couple's cannot just work together.
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post #59 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 12:21 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

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It seems many modern young adult women feel this way... Not understanding why couple's cannot just work together.
The strain of feminism now being followed in the Western world teaches young women they have all the rights in the world but when it comes to responsibilities it's always someone else's fault. If they are not completely happy at all times then it's time to leave. She sounds like a grade A b1tch.
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post #60 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 02:23 PM
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Re: Dating after divorce

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It seems many modern young adult women feel this way... Not understanding why couple's cannot just work together.

it has all the marking of someone who wants control and power....by doing that she is in charge of the relationship....she makes the rules....you are seeing her for who she really is and have decided not to play the game....but trust me....if not you, there is some poor sap out there that will bend over take it and say "thank you can i have another"
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