Should we remain friends? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #16 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 02:44 PM
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Re: Should we remain friends?

Another hit and run.

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post #17 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should we remain friends?

Sorry people for late reply, wow amazing feedback thank you so much.

The whole cheating situation must had been going for a while, i always suspected about a friend (co-worker) she had, but every time i said something she would tell me that i was making up things. Then 3 years ago things started to fall apart to the point that she didn't even want to touch me, and that is when we decided it was time to call it quits, of course she will blame me that it was all my fault because she was tired of me cheating on her, but all that time it was her.

I honestly wanted to maintain good communication with her, but you guys made really good points, and in reality after discovering the last piece of the puzzle and confronting her, i have no respect for her and i can't even look at her face without feeling like i want to say bunch of things i am going to regret. I just rather stick to conversations about the kids, and nothing more, funny thing is now she tries to text me and joke here and there but my answers are short and unless is something regarding our children i don't answer.
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post #18 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should we remain friends?

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Have you exposed the truth to the rest of the family? Do they know why the two of you really divorced? If the divorce is settled and there is no issues with custody, I would notify her parents and siblings and tell them the truth. God knows she has been spreading lies about you and getting everyone to hate you.

Doing this will go a long ways towards helping you heal, and detaching from her further.
So far nobody from her family side has contacted me, and i honestly doubt they will, but if a friend in common ask me, why not. Is not fair i get painted like the bad guy, when i caught her cheating with somebody that she works with and used to bring to family events.
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post #19 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:30 PM
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Re: Should we remain friends?

Well fvck 'em
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post #20 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:32 PM
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Re: Should we remain friends?

I wouldn't wait for them Go ahead an send them an e-mail or msg on Facebook.
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post #21 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should we remain friends?

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Originally Posted by itsontherocks View Post
I find it interesting that in the rare instance when the husband files for the divorce, the wife has no interest in talking again or attempting on reconciliation. Yet, when the wife files for the divorce, the husband seems to want to try and reconcillate. Anyone else notice this? I am also taking in to consideration if the two do not have any children together.
Well i tried because i was raised in a home were my dad left and i used to see him like once a month, and i didn't want that for my children. I won't lie we been together for 18 years but after discovering the cheating, i just wanted out. Friends, maybe because i thought it would help the children see that we can co-exist but in reality i could care less if she talks to me or not, i lost all respect and at this point my concern is the children.
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post #22 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:40 PM
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Re: Should we remain friends?

If your wife cheated on you, why is it a secret that YOU are supposed to keep. I don't believe it's in the marriage vows that you can't tell anyone if one of you cheats on the other.

Matter of fact, it's best for everyone to know that she did, and so they understand and don't have hard feelings toward you. You can bet that the "secret keeper" hasn't kept any secrets about EVERY SINGLE NEGATIVE THING you ever did in your whole marriage. I'll bet that she has probably got all her friends and family thinking you are a total monster.

For her to expect you not to ever mention her infidelity is evidence of the absolute remorseless attitude that she has. Narcissism comes to mind.

My advice: Put her family and friends in the rear view mirror and move on. Take an IDGAF attitude about the entire marriage and her family and friends. Just forget them.

New friends can be found. A new life can be lived. YOU don't have to be held hostage by your wife's guilt, or your feelings for her and them. You just have to let it all go.
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post #23 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should we remain friends?

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I wouldn't wait for them Go ahead an send them an e-mail or msg on Facebook.
I honestly don't want anything to do with them or anybody related to her, because for all i know prob they all knew what was going on and they kept hidden from me. This has been going on for a while and i just finished putting the pieces together and trust me,, her affair is nothing recent.

Let karma handle it.
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post #24 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:49 PM
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Re: Should we remain friends?

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I honestly don't want anything to do with them or anybody related to her, because for all i know prob they all knew what was going on and they kept hidden from me. This has been going on for a while and i just finished putting the pieces together and trust me,, her affair is nothing recent.

Let karma handle it.
Just make sure you protect your rep.
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post #25 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 04:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should we remain friends?

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
If your wife cheated on you, why is it a secret that YOU are supposed to keep. I don't believe it's in the marriage vows that you can't tell anyone if one of you cheats on the other.

Matter of fact, it's best for everyone to know that she did, and so they understand and don't have hard feelings toward you. You can bet that the "secret keeper" hasn't kept any secrets about EVERY SINGLE NEGATIVE THING you ever did in your whole marriage. I'll bet that she has probably got all her friends and family thinking you are a total monster.

For her to expect you not to ever mention her infidelity is evidence of the absolute remorseless attitude that she has. Narcissism comes to mind.

My advice: Put her family and friends in the rear view mirror and move on. Take an IDGAF attitude about the entire marriage and her family and friends. Just forget them.

New friends can be found. A new life can be lived. YOU don't have to be held hostage by your wife's guilt, or your feelings for her and them. You just have to let it all go.
I am trying to put all of them behind and move on, right now the only connection is our children. We do have couple of friends in common, but so far none of them have try to contact me, and honestly i doubt they will.

My attitude is just like you mention..IDGAF and move on with my life and meet somebody that will make me happy

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post #26 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 05:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should we remain friends?

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Just make sure you protect your rep.
Of course, trust me key people are aware of what really happened and if I get asked I have no need to lie or try to protect her image..

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post #27 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 05:15 PM
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Re: Should we remain friends?

Limit communication to texting only, and only about the kids. Keep the texting short with "yes, no, etc." No need to converse or reminisce about anything.
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post #28 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 05:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should we remain friends?

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Originally Posted by becareful2 View Post
Limit communication to texting only, and only about the kids. Keep the texting short with "yes, no, etc." No need to converse or reminisce about anything.
Agree, I won't lie at first I wanted to remain friendly but I noticed I wasn't moving on and after I change the strategy little by little I'm finding my inner peace

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post #29 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 05:23 PM
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Re: Should we remain friends?

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Originally Posted by plomito View Post
Agree, I won't lie at first I wanted to remain friendly but I noticed I wasn't moving on and after I change the strategy little by little I'm finding my inner peace

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Keep moving and breathing, moving and breathing. One day at a time. After a time you will get to where your ex is nothing but some chick you used to know way back . She will end up a footnote to your life.
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post #30 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-30-2016, 05:50 PM
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Re: Should we remain friends?

Hmmmm....

I have been divorced about 2 years, and I am remarried.
I DEFINTIELY am still friends with my XH and we work very, very hard to co-parent very lovingly and efficiently. Forgiving was the key for us, and we are both still healing.

I'm not saying we hang out all the time or anything, but we have no issue eating a meal together with the kids or filling each other in on health stuff, or sharing photos of our kids etc.

I always want to be his friend. My husband agrees and supports that fully, as his divorced parents are still friends and his dad and stepdad ended up as best friends.

I understand that this isn't the norm. IF you can forgive her, and have a moderate friendship, that is really great for everyone. It really makes our kids happy to see us always having good interaction. I understand that is not the consensus here, but that is my experience, so take it for what it is worth.

I wish you all healing and happiness.

Ciao,

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