Anniversary Date - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 11Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-14-2016, 09:27 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
confusednAlone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Jersey
Posts: 61
Anniversary Date

Hello everyone, I posted a very long story about my current situation so for a quick background. Married 14 years, 3 kids, wife cheated, said she fell out of love, no remorse/regret and now we are steps away from divorce.


I have a question for everyone that reads this. How do you cope with the anniversary date? I mean I know it is no longer that but I spent a significant amount of my life loving and caring for this woman and that date meant something to me.

Although she is over me and probably already removed it from her mind. I have not since it 1 month away. Would have been our 15 years.

I removed the calendar reminders even though I didn't need them but I didn't want the email. What should I do on that day? Or just treat at as a normal day.

I was actually thinking about just taking a short trip by myself to enjoy some time. Just curious what others have done in a similar situation.

Who needs a signature?

confusednAlone is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-14-2016, 12:47 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 851
Re: Anniversary Date

It is normal to grieve the loss of a long term relationship and markers like that are things that you'll naturally feel drawn to thinking about for the short term. But it is time to start detaching and the easiest way is to distract yourself with some other activity. It could be a trip with friends, doing a hobby, or whatever else you want. In a year or two it will be a lot easier and you won't even think about that day anymore.
Bananapeel is offline  
post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-14-2016, 01:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 910
Re: Anniversary Date

The anniversary date would NOT have been pleasant even if you reconciled or were trying to. That's why it is referred to as the antiversary date .
Very few BS go out and have a grand old time on that date.

I d suggest you read your thread and remember how cruel , uncaring, and remorseless she was , and then make a promise to yourself to find better.

I would not sit around moping . If you like sports or have a hobby do it that day and if you have any friends who know what has occurred maybe you can spend time with them.

I don't remember the details of your story but last anniversary
She may have already been cheating on you or thinking about it so it was nothing great day anyway if that was the case .

It will get better. Count on it
Posted via Mobile Device
straightshooter is offline  
 
post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-14-2016, 03:41 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
confusednAlone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Jersey
Posts: 61
Re: Anniversary Date

Quote:
Originally Posted by straightshooter View Post
The anniversary date would NOT have been pleasant even if you reconciled or were trying to. That's why it is referred to as the antiversary date .
Very few BS go out and have a grand old time on that date.

I d suggest you read your thread and remember how cruel , uncaring, and remorseless she was , and then make a promise to yourself to find better.

I would not sit around moping . If you like sports or have a hobby do it that day and if you have any friends who know what has occurred maybe you can spend time with them.

I don't remember the details of your story but last anniversary
She may have already been cheating on you or thinking about it so it was nothing great day anyway if that was the case .

It will get better. Count on it
Posted via Mobile Device
I was given some great advice thus far and applied a lot to my situation. Unfortunately the date is so close that I can't help but bring back memories.

You're right about the cruelty though and that too hasn't stopped. Hell just recently I made the mistake of snooping again although I swore I wouldnt and of course I found right there in the open intials of om on her phone as frequently contacted.

To top it off, she changed my contact from Husband to kids dad. I knew this was coming but it made me cringe a little. The thing that bothered me most, which again I should know better is I know the om name and these initials were not his and a different number too.

That made my head spin. Not only did she do what she did but could she possibly be seeing another guy on top of om? I mean damn! I know she still with the om because they work together and from what I already knew he wasnt going anywhere. He's happy he caught his trophy and she was in love.

Just goes to show. Let go and never look back. I will rethink this date moving forward and just put it behind me. I vowed to never again snoop. I'm not putting myself through more pain.

I was just curious how people handled the date after divorce!

I forgot to add she actually asked me if I still wanted to go out to dinner that night. Annivesary night. I'm like wth....no way. She said yeah I guess you're right.

Who needs a signature?
confusednAlone is offline  
post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-14-2016, 04:08 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 40
Re: Anniversary Date

Quote:
Originally Posted by confusednAlone View Post

I forgot to add she actually asked me if I still wanted to go out to dinner that night. Annivesary night. I'm like wth....no way. She said yeah I guess you're right.
Wow! That's some audacity! I like your idea of taking a trip, just make sure to make it one with a lot of activity so you keep your mind off of the date. Good luck!
phitigirl is offline  
post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 06:52 AM
Member
 
Sammy64's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 246
Re: Anniversary Date

here's something bad, i use to forget our anniversary even when i was still married, and others like her birthdays too.. i use to blame it on old age, but i think it was i just did not care. Now when the day comes, again i don't even remember it until someone says something.. the birthdays are different now, as we have a child together and i need to cover the birthdays gifts for her for her mother.

Sorry you are going through this, i do believe it does get better... STOP SNOOPING, would be the first thing you should do, then only talk about the kids...
Sammy64 is offline  
post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 08:08 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,060
Re: Anniversary Date

The first couple can be bad. Mainly because you have not processed the loss yet. As you do so and move away from it, the affect on you will become much less severe. Initially you are still feeling the pain of the loss, an anniversary will only make it worse. But as the pain subsides and is replaced with understanding and acceptance, the day will become less important. You may still remember it as a special day at some past time in your life, but it will not consume your every thought. In the mean time, find something to occupy that time so that you do not dwell on it. You might be tempted to fall into the sink hole of despair if you don't.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
Ynot is offline  
post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 01:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,439
Re: Anniversary Date

I divorced after 45.5 years of marriage. The first anniversary was six short months after that and it was not easy although I did do something fun that day and that helped. The second anniversary was easier and by the time the third one rolled around, it was basically just another day.

Time helps -- but the first one can be tough. Do something you really want to do (that doesn't involve her in any way).
Openminded is offline  
post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 11:58 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,386
Re: Anniversary Date

Make plans with friends--fun plans with people who know how to have fun, and make sure they know it is their job to keep your mind off it as much as possible.

And don't get drunk. That will turn out bad.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is offline  
post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-16-2016, 08:47 AM
Member
 
Wolf1974's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5,028
Re: Anniversary Date

I admit I didn't handle the first one after divorce well. Wallowed in self pity I got drunk and went home with a 21 year old waitress at the bar. Trust me when I say don't follow the path I took.

This is literally something that will get better with time. I am almost 6 years out from d day and the last two years her birthday and our anniversary has come and gone on the calendar and not even noticed by me.

Just work on getting yourself togeher, get a plan,and execute. Years from now you will look back and not even remember how much this hurt.

Wolf1974 is offline  
post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-16-2016, 12:13 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,386
Re: Anniversary Date

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
I admit I didn't handle the first one after divorce well. Wallowed in self pity I got drunk and went home with a 21 year old waitress at the bar. Trust me when I say don't follow the path I took.

This is literally something that will get better with time. I am almost 6 years out from d day and the last two years her birthday and our anniversary has come and gone on the calendar and not even noticed by me.

Just work on getting yourself togeher, get a plan,and execute. Years from now you will look back and not even remember how much this hurt.
I'm three years out, and now I don't even notice the significance of the dates until they pass.

Funny thing... I've been seeing someone for the last 6 months or so, and his birthday falls on my former wedding anniversary. So now I have something new to celebrate on that day. But he doesn't like the fact that he's getting older, and he says he doesn't want to do anything :/

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is offline  
post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-16-2016, 01:15 PM
Member
 
Wolf1974's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5,028
Re: Anniversary Date

Quote:
Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
I'm three years out, and now I don't even notice the significance of the dates until they pass.

Funny thing... I've been seeing someone for the last 6 months or so, and his birthday falls on my former wedding anniversary. So now I have something new to celebrate on that day. But he doesn't like the fact that he's getting older, and he says he doesn't want to do anything :/
That's strange. I know I had to get used to doing something for my birthday because my X never felt it was important so we never did anything ..but I always wanted to
Wolf1974 is offline  
post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-16-2016, 02:13 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,758
Re: Anniversary Date

I like the idea of a trip. If it were me, I'd go somewhere that really gets me in touch with nature, like a national park.

Just male sure you let someone you trust know where you're going, if you go alone.

I was with my ex for 13 years. I really didn't think much of our anniversary after we separated and I still do not today. I guess it was just the way I'd processed things.

First holidays alone after separation were actually harder for me.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is online now  
post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-16-2016, 02:22 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,758
Re: Anniversary Date

Quote:
Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
I'm three years out, and now I don't even notice the significance of the dates until they pass.

Funny thing... I've been seeing someone for the last 6 months or so, and his birthday falls on my former wedding anniversary. So now I have something new to celebrate on that day. But he doesn't like the fact that he's getting older, and he says he doesn't want to do anything :/
FIP, my hubby is like this about his bday, too. He wants it quiet so I just throw a party for us. It's on a major holiday, which is one reason he doesn't like to go out. I buy him one of those freaking huuuuuge balloons from the party store and cook his favorite food. I rent a bunch of meat head action films (he loves them and I'm kind of meh! about them... But hey, it's his bday...). Then I jump him.

The best idea I ever had on his bday... Google mancrates. I kid you not, he turned into a happy little boy when I bought him one last year.

I swear I can just about get him to crack a sideways smile when I do things like this. And for him, it means he loved it.

I call BS on guys that say they don't want to do anything for their bday. That's just not allowed in my world.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is online now  
post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-20-2016, 06:19 AM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,766
Re: Anniversary Date

First anniversary apart.... yeah... Wedding was four months later in year

from D final. The other... day we met, six months. We were together 15.5

years. Virtually 25-40 for me. I dreaded our wedding ann. I thought it would

really get to me.... didn't. Maybe bothered me 5% what I expected it to. Our

day we met ann. I honestly forgot... says a lot for me, history buff, extremely

sharp on remembering dates. I didn't even post on my thread about the wedding ann.

I think I posted something about it on Zillard 's thread a day or two later.

If memory serves.... I grabbed a box of baseball cards, busted packs, ate at my fav

Italian bistro, and my post D gf and I went to the lake.

If you have hobbies you enjoy, do one of those that day. Be around a few male friends....

Oh.... your XW asking you to go eat on your ann. LOL Get this... after the D was final,

my new XW showed a great deal of concern for me in the courthouse parking lot. Even

asked if I wanted to go eat that afternoon. And.... wanted us to go out sometime after

she got settled into her new studio. LOL can't make this schit up!

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
New here . Advice on first date since problems .. Jimmyd3275 The Men's Clubhouse 4 09-12-2016 04:37 PM
Asking What to Do on a First Date Ahead of the Date? mikumiku The Ladies' Lounge 10 07-17-2016 08:41 PM
D-Day=Wedding Anniversary sodepressed Coping with Infidelity 8 05-21-2016 07:30 AM
Would You Ladies Date A "Feminine" Man? EllisRedding The Ladies' Lounge 182 05-17-2016 07:19 PM
Simple Date Ideas for Valentine’s Day VS Glen Home Page Feature News 0 02-05-2016 02:21 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome