How to start dating again? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 05:04 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

Might just be me but isn't it odd when 2-3 XWs of the same man..... are friends?


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B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #32 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 05:24 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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Might just be me but isn't it odd when 2-3 XWs of the same man..... are friends?
Long story. He was a real piece of work, much like my own ex. He was the kind of guy who literally called his wife on break at work and asked what was for dinner, then disappeared out of state for a year moments after the call. She was left a SAHM with two young kids, no means of support, no car (he took it), and no idea where her husband was or even if he was alive. She had to go back to her parents to live. It was bad for her. Of course, he was a serial cheater and occasionally abusive mentally and physically.

C knew what his wives were in for and thought it would be decent of her to offer help if they ever needed it. He pulled the same sh!t on his other two wives and they ended up banding together and forming a sort of support group.

ExW#2 remarried last year and C was her Matron of Honor.

ETA: C's parents were also retreads. They married and had a baby girl, he got caught cheating, she threw him out immediately, and then he spent the next year begging her to take him back. They remarried and had C along with two more kids. They're still married and very happy together.
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post #33 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-04-2016, 06:11 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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Long story. He was a real piece of work, much like my own ex. He was the kind of guy who literally called his wife on break at work and asked what was for dinner, then disappeared out of state for a year moments after the call. She was left a SAHM with two young kids, no means of support, no car (he took it), and no idea where her husband was or even if he was alive. She had to go back to her parents to live. It was bad for her. Of course, he was a serial cheater and occasionally abusive mentally and physically.

C knew what his wives were in for and thought it would be decent of her to offer help if they ever needed it. He pulled the same sh!t on his other two wives and they ended up banding together and forming a sort of support group.

ExW#2 remarried last year and C was her Matron of Honor.

ETA: C's parents were also retreads. They married and had a baby girl, he got caught cheating, she threw him out immediately, and then he spent the next year begging her to take him back. They remarried and had C along with two more kids. They're still married and very happy together.
There's a special place "under the Earth" for guys like him. You have to put in 600% effort to be that Fed up

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #34 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 09:04 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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Daisy, I meet your qualifications of education/income so I'm going to share my perspective from the other side of the coin. I think you have unrealistic goals. Successful/educated men are used to having women show a great deal of interest in them and having such strict boundaries like not kissing on a first date is not something that will entice us for a second date. The type of guy that would be OK with that situation is probably going to be the guy that has no other options and is thus willing to wait. Is that really the type of guy you want? Aside from your desires, remember that the guy has desires too and you need to see if what you are offering is going to meet his needs. Most successful men don't care about a woman's income (as long as she can support herself and isn't a gold digger) so that isn't really an enticement. Education is great, but there are plenty of very smart women that don't have masters+ level of education, and quite honestly chemistry/attraction are far more important than how long a woman's gone to school for (again, as long as she meets the minimum level). If you are limiting the physical expression of chemistry/attraction then you are going to have a hard time finding the type of guy you want.

I personally think that you aren't really ready to date yet, and it's OK to take your time. Maybe instead of dating focus on finding new friends that you can hang out with and see if something eventually develops with time. That's the most likely way that you can get to know someone first before kissing, and not have them lose interest quickly in you. If you are meeting guys on dating sites they will have expectations of what dating entails and it probably is at a different pace than you are comfortable with.
Interesting... so, how many dates would be ok before you cut her loose if she won't have sex with you yet?
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post #35 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 10:02 AM
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Re: How to start dating again?

@Begin again

I don't have a fixed number in my head, but if there is no chemistry on the first date then I won't ask her out for a second date, and that is non-negotiable. Chemistry doesn't have to mean sex, just a mutual attraction that is fairly obvious. However, I have not personally dated a woman that shows a lot of interest/chemistry but doesn't want to have sex fairly quickly. I'm sure they are out there, I just haven't run into them.

My recommendation is that even if a woman wants to wait until she really gets to know a guy before she sleeps with him, she needs to show very obvious indicators of interest to keep his attention or he'll move on to the next one. I'm sure it's the same with women. They like to know the guy is really interested before they waste too much time on him.
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post #36 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 12:42 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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@Begin again

I don't have a fixed number in my head, but if there is no chemistry on the first date then I won't ask her out for a second date, and that is non-negotiable. Chemistry doesn't have to mean sex, just a mutual attraction that is fairly obvious. However, I have not personally dated a woman that shows a lot of interest/chemistry but doesn't want to have sex fairly quickly. I'm sure they are out there, I just haven't run into them.

My recommendation is that even if a woman wants to wait until she really gets to know a guy before she sleeps with him, she needs to show very obvious indicators of interest to keep his attention or he'll move on to the next one. I'm sure it's the same with women. They like to know the guy is really interested before they waste too much time on him.
I just find it odd how much times have changed. When I was in my 20s, I had a rule for myself that I would wait at least three weeks before I slept with a guy. I felt like any sooner and I'd seem "easy" and lose the guy's respect. And even with that rule, the number of men I've slept with is significantly more than most of my female friends.

If I tried to wait 3 weeks with a guy now, he'd probably just push me aside. Is it any wonder our relationships don't seem to stick like they used to. Between online dating and early sex, seems like instant gratification rules above all else.
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post #37 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 12:57 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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I just find it odd how much times have changed. When I was in my 20s, I had a rule for myself that I would wait at least three weeks before I slept with a guy. I felt like any sooner and I'd seem "easy" and lose the guy's respect. And even with that rule, the number of men I've slept with is significantly more than most of my female friends.

If I tried to wait 3 weeks with a guy now, he'd probably just push me aside. Is it any wonder our relationships don't seem to stick like they used to. Between online dating and early sex, seems like instant gratification rules above all else.
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Not necessarily. Not always.

I dated one man and thought I'd wait three months to have sex with him and if he wanted to let me go before that, so be it. He actually was OK to wait until 4 months. We lasted 8 months then parted amicably. Simple incompatibility.

My current husband, I waited about 2 months to have sex with him. He wanted to wait as well... Since he knew I'd lose respect for us both if things happened too quickly.

Sex is great, it's important to me, very much so. It's an absolute requirement in my book for a healthy relationship, but before I even go there, I must be certain about the other person, their values, and how we get along. I could have more quickly bumped uglies and let that experience make the decisions for my hamster brain, but I hold my sense of integrity a bit higher than to allow for that.

When I'm sure, I don't hold back. Not all men are patient enough or care to wait. That's OK, It probably means they're not for me and maybe not for you either. .

Forget what others think or guilt you to feel. Do what feels right for you, or you'll live with regrets.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #38 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 01:02 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

Current gf and I dated for around a month before we had sex. Granted we only got together

maybe a few times every two weeks. About a month into... she was at my place, we drank moderately...

and she initiated. I had told her I have a rule, no first time sex after drinking. She was somewhat

stunned I backed up my belief. Two days later, we were sober as a Mormon clergy... and had sex.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #39 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 01:36 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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Originally Posted by Begin again View Post
I just find it odd how much times have changed. When I was in my 20s, I had a rule for myself that I would wait at least three weeks before I slept with a guy. I felt like any sooner and I'd seem "easy" and lose the guy's respect. And even with that rule, the number of men I've slept with is significantly more than most of my female friends.

If I tried to wait 3 weeks with a guy now, he'd probably just push me aside. Is it any wonder our relationships don't seem to stick like they used to. Between online dating and early sex, seems like instant gratification rules above all else.
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Some would argue that is a good change. I don't view women as "easy" or "lose respect" over sex. I view women on a more equal level and don't have a double standard. If a woman wants to have sex with me on the first date without commitment or alternatively wait while she really gets to know me doesn't change how I view her. Either way, I'm still looking for the same set of criteria for compatibility.

I think waiting 3 weeks for sex would work easily as long as there were very clear signals you were interested in him. I can't imagine anyone wanting to date for multiple weeks if there was no chemistry.
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post #40 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:33 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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Some would argue that is a good change. I don't view women as "easy" or "lose respect" over sex. I view women on a more equal level and don't have a double standard. If a woman wants to have sex with me on the first date without commitment or alternatively wait while she really gets to know me doesn't change how I view her. Either way, I'm still looking for the same set of criteria for compatibility.

I think waiting 3 weeks for sex would work easily as long as there were very clear signals you were interested in him. I can't imagine anyone wanting to date for multiple weeks if there was no chemistry.
It's safe to say I view things differently than I did 20-25 years ago. Gf is twenty years younger,

we knew we had a spark. Knew where it was leading. Just took it one step at a time, didn't

rush it. If two people really connect, you know it will happen. Yeah may miss out on having sex

two-three weeks earlier but... for the most part you make up for it during the next few months.


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #41 of 54 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:29 PM
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Cool Re: How to start dating again?

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In the OP..... she stated she does NOT want to be a sugar momma
Typical materialistic woman ~ it's rather apparent that she's made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want to be some guys "sugar mama."

But it's certainly alright for her to find herself a "sugar daddy!"

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post #42 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 01:42 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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I have been separated and now divorced. I moved out November of last year. Shared custody. Husband is an alcoholic. Ex husband. We live in the same town. I am staying here because I wanted my son to have a relationship with his dad. I could have accepted a much better position in a larger city.
I am ready to get back to dating. I really am not looking to play. I want a serious relationship. I am 38 years old, a busy professional, self sufficient. Not looking for a sugar daddy, but I am not willing to become a sugar mommy. I will be trying to meet a man with similar education level and comparable income. ( Masters+, 100K+).
Any input?
Why is it so important that you have to have a man who has a masters and is rich? My second husband has a PHd, I left school at 18 and bought my own home at 20 with my first husband, worked full time from 18, and had my first child at 21. We are very evenly matched despite the fact that he got a degree and PHD. its really not everything.
I know people with no degree who are far more intelligent than those with one.
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post #43 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 01:44 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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Some would argue that is a good change. I don't view women as "easy" or "lose respect" over sex. I view women on a more equal level and don't have a double standard. If a woman wants to have sex with me on the first date without commitment or alternatively wait while she really gets to know me doesn't change how I view her. Either way, I'm still looking for the same set of criteria for compatibility.

I think waiting 3 weeks for sex would work easily as long as there were very clear signals you were interested in him. I can't imagine anyone wanting to date for multiple weeks if there was no chemistry.
I wouldnt be interested in a guy who pushed for sex before a commitment.
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post #44 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 01:45 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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I just find it odd how much times have changed. When I was in my 20s, I had a rule for myself that I would wait at least three weeks before I slept with a guy. I felt like any sooner and I'd seem "easy" and lose the guy's respect. And even with that rule, the number of men I've slept with is significantly more than most of my female friends.

If I tried to wait 3 weeks with a guy now, he'd probably just push me aside. Is it any wonder our relationships don't seem to stick like they used to. Between online dating and early sex, seems like instant gratification rules above all else.
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If a guy wont wait a few week for sex, what does that say about him? He isnt worth having.
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post #45 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 02:50 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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If a guy wont wait a few week for sex, what does that say about him? He isnt worth having.
Or alternatively, he is a top tier guy in very high demand and doesn't have to wait.
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