How to start dating again? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 03:00 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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Or alternatively, he is a top tier guy in very high demand and doesn't have to wait.
But what if she's a top tier gal worth waiting for?


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post #47 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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Or alternatively, he is a top tier guy in very high demand and doesn't have to wait.
The he isnt worth waiting for.
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post #48 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 04:19 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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But what if she's a top tier gal worth waiting for?
So income ratio should indicate "wait time?"

Let's review how that usually works out......

Or is top tier based on appearance?

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
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post #49 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 04:27 PM
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Cool Re: How to start dating again?

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Or alternatively, he is a top tier guy in very high demand and doesn't have to wait.
Please define "a top tier guy!

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post #50 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 05:24 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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So income ratio should indicate "wait time?"

Let's review how that usually works out......

Or is top tier based on appearance?
When I say top tier, I mean a person who checks off all your boxes. Who is a great match in nearly every respect. Each person determines for themself who is a top tier person. What are the characteristics that you would prize most in a mate? A person who has all those qualities would be top tier.

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post #51 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 06:33 PM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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I am ready meaning I put my relationship with the ex behind me and have worked through pain I may have had left. I am not looking for a guy to heal me. I think a relationship should start with friendship, not with kissing on the first date.
What kind of kiss was this? Did he try to give you a quick peck on the lips, or did he push you up against the wall and try to shove his tongue down your throat? (Or somewhere in between?) And what did you do? Turn away from the kiss or let him kiss you but realize you didn't like it? Also, what was the date? A few hours together over dinner at a nice restaurant that he paid for, or a shorter "let's meet in person" meeting for coffee where you split the tab?

I understand where you're coming from, but keep in mind that if you are meeting someone on a dating site, the whole point of the date is to see if you both feel like something romantic could develop. That is why you are meeting. Giving a short good-nite kiss on a first date is not considered "fast" to most people these days, so unless he was pushy with the kiss, he probably had no idea he was making you uncomfortable. And if you didn't engage in the kiss and he asked you out again regardless, I think I'd consider that a good sign that he's not just looking for a quick hook up.

Ugghh - I haven't dated for years, so I don't know what the best option is, but I like the "meet up" group idea, or anything where you will be mingling with men and women under no romantic pressure. (My Mom met my step dad in a bowling league when she was in her late 50's) And if you really feel ready to date, you might say something specific in your profile or pre-date communication that you are indeed looking for a LTR but need to be "just friends" for awhile to get to know each other. (I don't know dating profile etiquette, that might be TMI, but it could hopefully weed out some "players.")
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post #52 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 06:44 PM
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What kind of kiss was this? Did he try to give you a quick peck on the lips, or did he push you up against the wall and try to shove his tongue down your throat? (Or somewhere in between?) And what did you do? Turn away from the kiss or let him kiss you but realize you didn't like it? Also, what was the date? A few hours together over dinner at a nice restaurant that he paid for, or a shorter "let's meet in person" meeting for coffee where you split the tab?

I understand where you're coming from, but keep in mind that if you are meeting someone on a dating site, the whole point of the date is to see if you both feel like something romantic could develop. That is why you are meeting. Giving a short good-nite kiss on a first date is not considered "fast" to most people these days, so unless he was pushy with the kiss, he probably had no idea he was making you uncomfortable. And if you didn't engage in the kiss and he asked you out again regardless, I think I'd consider that a good sign that he's not just looking for a quick hook up.

Ugghh - I haven't dated for years, so I don't know what the best option is, but I like the "meet up" group idea, or anything where you will be mingling with men and women under no romantic pressure. (My Mom met my step dad in a bowling league when she was in her late 50's) And if you really feel ready to date, you might say something specific in your profile or pre-date communication that you are indeed looking for a LTR but need to be "just friends" for awhile to get to know each other. (I don't know dating profile etiquette, that might be TMI, but it could hopefully weed out some "players.")
Let me add that there are some women out there who would definitely meet the exacting criteria for being called "players," as the "Players Club" is not just exclusive to men! It is genderless!

And sadly, far too many of them seem quite a bit more interested in knowing about ones net worth much rather than ones personality!

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Last edited by arbitrator; 01-19-2017 at 11:58 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #53 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 09:30 AM
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Re: How to start dating again?

FIP has it right. A top tier guy (or gal) fits your ideals of what you are looking for. There are lots of shared characteristics that people universally tend to value such as being successful, attractive, smart, driven, compassionate, etc. Because these traits are universally valued when a guy (or gal) excels in these areas they have a choice of multiple people to date. Usually when women meet guys like this they'll sleep with them quickly because they want to move towards developing a relationship before the guy gets taken by someone else. It's not about whether the woman thinks she is worth waiting for, it's about whether the woman is willing to risk missing out on the opportunity. And of course this works both ways. A guy going after a top tier gal will be more likely to wait, if that is what she wants.

I don't know other people's experience but relationships tend to move much faster post divorce then when I was dating in my teens and twenties. Generally a woman will be willing to have sex within one to three dates if she really likes you and there is chemistry.
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post #54 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 09:42 AM
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Re: How to start dating again?

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I think you have unrealistic goals.
I have to agree. There's not many men out there who have a Masters + and make six figures. I think you're going to have to lower your standards in this area or become very disappointed. I know that women sometimes aren't after a man's personality only the lifestyle he can provide. If you're so focused on that, you're in danger of having another bad relationship.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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