Where to go now - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 02:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Where to go now

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Originally Posted by Relationship Teacher View Post
There is a psychological principle called Anchoring. Like I originally said, I see you doing very well, despite having a tough time in recent years. You appear to be anchored to some more ideal circumstance/future, despite having an incredible amount to be happy for already. You also indicated that you wanted guidance and direction.

If you anchor your mindset to where you have come from, instead of the ideal circumstance/future, you will realize how blessed you are, even in this very moment.

It is apparent from your post that you have direction - abundantly. We cannot always be at the destination, but tend to be between various start/end points.

I also don't think personal happiness has to come at an expense to others. Happiness is meant to be shared.

Best,
RT
I am setting the bar pretty high. I think my job is the main issue. I hate it here just kinda trapped. So I look to make up the happiness elsewhere.

I do have a lot to be thankful for and I thank god every day for what I have.

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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 02:44 PM
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Re: Where to go now

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I am setting the bar pretty high. I think my job is the main issue. I hate it here just kinda trapped. So I look to make up the happiness elsewhere.

I do have a lot to be thankful for and I thank god every day for what I have.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 06:18 PM
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Re: Where to go now

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Originally Posted by NoMoreTears4me View Post
My story is just like so many others. You can do a search for my main thread to read all the sorted details.

I am now a year out from divorce. While the emotions have all died down and my life has moved on I still find myself fighting small bouts of depression from time to time.

Something like seeing a mom and her kids at the store will give me waves of sadness and thoughts of what should have been. I know I am better off now and could never take her back but sometimes its just hard to see others so happy.

Which brings me to the reason I came back here today.

I want to be happy again. I just don't know how. Before my life was all about my family. Now as I am forced to focus more on me I don't know what to do with myself.

I take care of my home in order to keep my sons happy. They have their same rooms and schools and I work hard to keep this big house even though I don't need it. I am trying to keep their life as normal as I can. And I will continue to do so.

I have a girlfriend which I care about a lot. But she has her own kids as well and we see each other every other week. Which is good. Gives me time to focus on my kids when I have them.

My problem is I don't feel I have direction or purpose anymore. Before it was all about my family. Now I have time to think about me and I don't know what to do.

I have started going back to school. Its fun but not really that challenging. Just keeps my mind occupied.

I hate my job. I feel more trapped than ever going to a job I don't like. But I do not have the luxury of quitting.

I am grateful for my health and that I have a nice home. I came out very well in the divorce and only have one more alimony payment to make. I count my blessings every day. I know I am still very lucky and blessed but my feeling of dissatisfaction is very real and it hurts.

I just feel so trapped. I am 45 and I need to figure out what to do now before its too late. I ask myself every day what would make me happy and I just don't know. I pray every day for God to put me on the right course. I am willing to take a chance on life if I can just get that push I need.

Anyway. Just feeling lost today. Don't know where to look or where to turn. So I decided to just post my feelings again and see what advice I get.

Thanks
It sounds like you haven't given up on the idea you had, the vision. You must let that go. You listed off so many great things about your life: you have your home, you share your sons, you have a job, you have your health, you even have a steady girlfriend! I think you aren't living in the moment. You dwell in the past, in "what ifs." No way to live. Embrace today.
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 10-17-2016, 08:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Where to go now

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It sounds like you haven't given up on the idea you had, the vision. You must let that go. You listed off so many great things about your life: you have your home, you share your sons, you have a job, you have your health, you even have a steady girlfriend! I think you aren't living in the moment. You dwell in the past, in "what ifs." No way to live. Embrace today.
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I agree. Its just hard to put that into practice. I see so many things I don't like about my life and it bothers me. I do count my blessings and I know I have it better than most. But sometimes that just isn't enough. I want more and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

I am going to make some more changes. I don't know what yet but I am going to make things better
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