Re: Why is the betrayer so angry at me?
Ah, I totally understand your question, as I pondered how my husband could have done what he did to me. I think it's a matter of simple psychology.
When one has committed a crime against his partner, be it having an affair, stealing money, treating her badly etc., and does not genuinely regret it and work on making amends, he gradually begins to dislike that partner. This makes it easier for him to commit the next crime, and the next.
The more his bad acts pile up, the more he hates his partner. He is able to convince himself then that she "deserved" the bad treatment, and he begins to diminish her worth. This is how he justifies his horrible actions.
It snowballs from there, until in his eyes you finally become a non-entity, unworthy of any respect or kindness.
I've discussed this theory of mine with a couple of psychologists, and they tell me I've nailed it. It's sad, but true.