Interesting thought occurred to me - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2016, 08:02 PM Thread Starter
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Interesting thought occurred to me

Today is my third wedding anniversary apart from my ex, the past two with her being my ex. A year ago I would have probably been really upset and antsy about it. But tonight, I have just gotten back from a meet and greet. I have a date set for tomorrow with a different woman, trying to weigh my options for Saturday with two other women and then a third date with the Friday night gal on Sunday.
I don't say this to brag, but rather just as a statement as to just how far I have come along.
I am beginning to understand the real pleasure of meeting new people, especially women. I am learning so much and growing. I am steadily discovering who I am and what I want from myself as well as from others. I am free to search out and find others who meet my needs. But I am not talking about greed. I am talking about genuine selfishness, which extends to those outside of our self, as them being in your life enhances your life. Therefore you gain happiness.


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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 08:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Interesting thought occurred to me

I have been doing on line dating - mostly Match. I have come to realize that simply asking is often the best course of actions and yielded the greatest results. This may be stating the obvious for many of you, but for me, this has been an eye opener. In my past I was often times a "Nice Guy" who felt he had to hide his real intentions from an interest in order to not allow her to know I was just like all those other guys.

Next step is going live. I think it would be so much more interesting to meet some one organically. I have met my share of women via OLD, but I have not truly attempted to meet some one organically. So I am looking forward to the effort and the results.

I am not saying this as some sort of PUA in case any of you are thinking that. I am merely saying this because, really for the first time in my life I really feel free to be me and find others who accept me as such.

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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 08:27 PM
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Re: Interesting thought occurred to me

I spent a year on Match.... much to be desired. I'm mainly talking about the con Match pulls. I did 6 months, then 6 more free. But yes I did meet quite a few but none were impressive. I promised to post on it last year, still have full intent to. Just be sure it is close in distance and a 1st meet, meet n greet

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 08:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Interesting thought occurred to me

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I spent a year on Match.... much to be desired. I'm mainly talking about the con Match pulls. I did 6 months, then 6 more free. But yes I did meet quite a few but none were impressive. I promised to post on it last year, still have full intent to. Just be sure it is close in distance and a 1st meet, meet n greet
Locally, Match seems to be the most productive, meaning their algorithim selects matches closer to my selections than other sites do. The "matches" on POF seem to have nothing to do with my desired selections. Zoosk and Okcupid do not seem to have remotely the populations to warrant even a cursory exam of their data.

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 08:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Interesting thought occurred to me

Another thought - I am no longer driven by the "need" to be with someone. I have become more accepting of the messages my inner self is sending, than I was in the past. Today, rather than making excuses and accomodations for something others might do, I listen to my self and decide whether it is worth it or not to spend time with this person. For instance I recently dated a woman who wanted me to commit to an exclusive relationship on the basis of what she said about herself. All I knew about her was from a couple dates, and actually the more I found out, the less attractive she became. I refused to commit to her and broke it off.
Again, this may come as obvious to many. But to myself this was a major breakthrough. In my past I almost always would have caved and ended up in an uncomfortable place, doing anything to keep a relationship alive.
In many ways this relates to my new found acceptance of abundance vs my old outlook of scarcity. In my scarcity mindset, I had limited choices. So if someone came along that met most of my wants and needs, they were acceptable. Especially since there were limited choices. Thus I was prone to settling.
But viewing life thru the prism of abundance has led me to understand that there are in fact many, many choices available. Rather than settling I am free to explore my choices. When I find one that does not appeal to me, I can choose another one. So as far as relationships go - if it isn't this one, it could be the next one.
Also this abundance mindset works its magic in all other aspects of my life. Now I see opportunities, where before I only saw obstacles.

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 02:22 PM
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Re: Interesting thought occurred to me

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Now I see opportunities, where before I only saw obstacles.
Yes. It's all about attitude.

Well attitude isn't all of it, some of us have bigger obstacles to overcome than others (health issues, job issues, post divorce financial obligations) but it probably counts more than anything else. Unless you've got a fatal disease which trumps attitude any day of the week.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 05:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Interesting thought occurred to me

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Yes. It's all about attitude.

Well attitude isn't all of it, some of us have bigger obstacles to overcome than others (health issues, job issues, post divorce financial obligations) but it probably counts more than anything else. Unless you've got a fatal disease which trumps attitude any day of the week.
Even fatal diseases can be opportunities. Opportunities to finally do something you always wanted to do without fear of dying. The opportunity to be free of expectations. I almost died myself from flesh eating bacteria. I almost lost my arm. I didn't realize it at the time, but it too was an opportunity. I decided I could no longer be a corporate drone. I started my own business and am self employed to this day because of it. Had I not realized my mortality, I probably would still be shlupping along to this day doing the corporate routine.

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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 05:12 PM
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Re: Interesting thought occurred to me

^ Now that's some positive thinking right there.

It's like saying I lost both my legs I'm going to save a ton on shoes.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 06:01 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Interesting thought occurred to me

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^ Now that's some positive thinking right there.

It's like saying I lost both my legs I'm going to save a ton on shoes.
There are worse things than dying.

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