So new here but was searching around online and came across this site. I hope this makes sense as my mind is running rapidly.
Here's my story. I've been divorced about 2 years now after a 8 year marriage. She cheated on me emotionally multiple times during our marriage as well put me down a lot. No self confidence anymore. We finally called it quits and she took the kids (my step kids) and moved in with her mom. We kept talking and tried to have a friendship which actually turned into a sexual relationship. She suffers from major depression and when she moved in with her mom she started cutting herself. As far as us continuing a relationship goes that was my fault. I should have cut ties altogether but I didn't.
So let's fast forward 6 months. The divorce papers have been filed by this point. She texts me one day saying that she has started seeing a guy from a few states over that she met on a dating site. This of course puts me in a tailspin. However,she goes on to say that because he lives a few states over that they have an open relationship so we can continue seeing each other. To which I told her no. I'm not going to be the other man nor will I ever be the consolation prize.
A month goes by and we still talk occasionally. She texts me one day that her mom wants to move her on and off again boyfriend in and that her and the kids have to find a place to live. I sympathize but left the matter alone. She is seeing someone and it's not my problem anymore. Might sound mean but I'm trying to distance myself by this point.
A couple of weeks go by and she texts me that she's now engaged to this guy and they are getting a house together here...in this small town I live in. Seriously,she couldn't get a house out of town so that I wouldn't have to risk running into her when I'm out and about?
By the end of the month they are living together. So I blocked her number but I still talk to the kids on occasion. I love them and they me but feel like I need to let them go as well. Just seems kind of wrong at the same time being as that they aren't responsible for any of this. It's tricky..at least to me.
So since I'm already on a downward spiral I start gaining weight. I want to work out but can't get motivated to do so. I'm lonely but I can't date. I've tried getting in touch with some of my old friends that I lost while married but they have all pretty much moved on to new lives of their own. It's basically just me and my dog now.
To make matters worse,I found out that I have cancer shortly after. Right now my doctor doesn't see any reason to think it's going to shorten my life span as long as we can get rid of it. Even knowing that he doesn't think it's life threatening yet is stressful,depressing and quite frankly scared to death. Not to mention even with my crappy work insurance it's expensive as hell. I'm afraid to even try to figure out how to make new friends now though because what if this does turn life threatening? It doesn't seem fair to let other people care and possibly have to leave them. I'm probably worrying too much but I feel like I have to think about these things.
Even though I have all this other stuff I should be more concerned about I find myself every single day wondering how she moved on so easily. Not just moved on but got engaged and moved in with him and started a whole new life. He's doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing which sets me off in a rage at times and me well....I'm getting sh*t storm after sh*t storm dumped on me.
So I guess what I'm asking how is all of you got through and stopped letting your previous relationship eat at you so much and was just able to move on with your life?
Because she doesn't love like you. I would bet she is merely being pragmatic....
1. She was lonely;y and horny..so she calls you and you provide sex and companionship
2. She needs a place to live with her kids when her mom tells her to move out.....she contacts you and drops the bait...You didn't take it (Good for you)
3. She tells you about the other guy...to make you jealous...it works. I bet she told the other guy too....Trying to get one of you to "rescue her"...He did...too bad for him.
4. She now moves near to you...why??? To make the other guy on edge as well as you...
Do you see how she made him the new you? You can pretty much predict how her new relationship is gonna go. That would be....Bad.
Take care of yourself. Get motivated. Stop letting her own and control how you feel. The opposite of love is indifference...be indifferent. If she calls....don't answer. If she texts...don't answer. Stop giving her the kibbles. Your out...you get to get on with your life. Enjoy it...
There are SOOOOOOOO many non-crazy, loyal, loving women out there that will treat you well.