Life After Divorce - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 84Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 06:17 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,627
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
It was worth it because the anxiety I was experiencing from the relationship was literally tearing me apart. No doubt it would have led to health issues down the line. The relationship I'm in now is so much better it's beyond comparison.

My divorce was very expensive especially with the support payments but at the rate my exwife was spending she most likely would have cost even more than the divorce did.

As far as funneling money towards people who want nothing to do with you.. well the reason you're here is because they want nothing to do with you already, and you're supporting them either way. At least with a divorce there's an endpoint far sooner than the rest of your natural life.

As far as being alone? I've never been without a girlfriend for any length of time. If you're an ok looking guy who has got a few bucks and no major psychological disorders you'll meet women.
Most never fully take into account the toll it can take on one's health. My uncle became an alcoholic

from his horrid M. 24 pack a day at least, 40+ years. I never agreed with his decision but I

fully understood why. At least a D has "an end." No matter what the cost. Mine was $184.75

but yes, I took some of her debt.... no one gets off scott free.

Very true statement about dating female(s).... although you do meet some oddballs and bandaged

people (applies to both genders)


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 07:25 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,297
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
I want to ask if it was really worth it. I've been contemplating divorce for years and and I haven't just because I didn't want all the ill effects that you mention, the all of the sudden being alone and having to funnel all of my money toward people who want nothing to do with me. I've worked damned hard to get to where I am in life and I don't want to throw it all away to people who don't give damn about me. Life has been hell with my wife but I'm wondering if it would be worse to get divorced.
Well, you can try to outlive her -- and still have your health when that happens -- but that's a risk (although many people try it).

I ended a 45 year marriage and my standard of living took a tremendous hit thanks to financial decisions my ex-husband made. I'll never again have that life -- or anything remotely close to it -- but I have peace for the first time ever. It's worth it.
Openminded is offline  
post #18 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 09:04 PM
Member
 
Thor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 8,780
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
I want to ask if it was really worth it. I've been contemplating divorce for years and and I haven't just because I didn't want all the ill effects that you mention, the all of the sudden being alone and having to funnel all of my money toward people who want nothing to do with me. I've worked damned hard to get to where I am in life and I don't want to throw it all away to people who don't give damn about me. Life has been hell with my wife but I'm wondering if it would be worse to get divorced.
I'd have to say yes it is worth it. I was married 34 yrs.

The process of getting divorced is not fun. Mine is pretty amicable because she just wanted me out of the house asap. Even so there are some conflicts. The trick is to try to keep good perspective on things. Splitting up the possessions will cause both of you some upset, but ultimately those things aren't really all that important usually. Family heirlooms aside, everything else is just stuff.

For me it has been a much less difficult emotional process than I had expected. I have been mostly relieved rather than emotionally distraught. It surprised me. I think I had mourned the loss of the relationship long ago. And as others have said there is a very significant downside to staying in a bad marriage.

Being new to this, I haven't dated yet, so I can't comment on what that is like. Being on my own is overall much more relaxed and healthy than before the divorce.

Financially it won't be as good as had we stayed together, probably. But it won't be bad either, as I am now the sole driver of how things go.

Divorce is not ideal, but neither is a bad marriage.
Thor is offline  
 
post #19 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 03:19 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 773
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
I want to ask if it was really worth it. I've been contemplating divorce for years and and I haven't just because I didn't want all the ill effects that you mention, the all of the sudden being alone and having to funnel all of my money toward people who want nothing to do with me. I've worked damned hard to get to where I am in life and I don't want to throw it all away to people who don't give damn about me. Life has been hell with my wife but I'm wondering if it would be worse to get divorced.
If it is worth it really depends on what reason you have for being married, why you want a divorce, and if there are other options (e.g. counseling) that can provide a better alternative solution. For me it was well worth it because there's no way I'd be able to look at myself in the mirror if I stayed with my XWW. No amount of money would be worth giving up that part of myself. However, going through divorce is hell and it takes a while for life to normalize after everything is finished. Now life is great.
Bananapeel is offline  
post #20 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 04:03 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,627
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
If it is worth it really depends on what reason you have for being married, why you want a divorce, and if there are other options (e.g. counseling) that can provide a better alternative solution. For me it was well worth it because there's no way I'd be able to look at myself in the mirror if I stayed with my XWW. No amount of money would be worth giving up that part of myself. However, going through divorce is hell and it takes a while for life to normalize after everything is finished. Now life is great.
For the most part.... after 12-18 months following DDay..... the BS is much better off than the WS

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #21 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 04:09 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Life After Divorce

Today I found out an interesting bit of news through the "family and friends" grapevine. As I stated I'm down to my last few child support payments.

My exwife has an older daughter who has been funneling her money at an ever increasing rate over the past few months- her financial situation is apparently quite dire and she's having trouble making her rent. And this is with the support checks still coming in. Of course my children see almost none of it but that's another matter altogether. She has chosen not to pursue gainful employment and it's caught up to her at last. If we had stayed married her spending habits probably would have bankrupted us. Now I can watch the crash and burn from a safe distance. Well worth what the divorce cost me!
browser is offline  
post #22 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 05:46 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,627
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
Today I found out an interesting bit of news through the "family and friends" grapevine. As I stated I'm down to my last few child support payments.

My exwife has an older daughter who has been funneling her money at an ever increasing rate over the past few months- her financial situation is apparently quite dire and she's having trouble making her rent. And this is with the support checks still coming in. Of course my children see almost none of it but that's another matter altogether. She has chosen not to pursue gainful employment and it's caught up to her at last. If we had stayed married her spending habits probably would have bankrupted us. Now I can watch the crash and burn from a safe distance. Well worth what the divorce cost me!
Old habits..... hard to break

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #23 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 05:51 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
Old habits..... hard to break
From what I understand she's gotten worse. Much worse.

If we had stayed together- it would have been completely unbearable.

Even though we got along on so many levels. No cheating, great sex, even up to and during the first part of the divorce until I finally pulled the plug on what was an extremely dysfunctional situation.
browser is offline  
post #24 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 07:54 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,627
Re: Life After Divorce

Check out Conrad's old threads.... they're old but very true

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #25 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 08:24 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 990
Re: Life After Divorce

I separated January 13th. Divorce was final June 10th. Last week she refinanced the house and her auto loan. I'm off the hook for $2500/m in debt! I have to pay her $480m in CS and 50% of her nanny (another $500m).

Divorce for me was worth every penny I lost. Funny, I'm going to get engaged to my g/f of 9 months soon and will get married again. If things turn bad, I'll divorce again. Life is journey. Life is way better with another person that loves you as much as you love them.


Last edited by GuyInColorado; 11-09-2016 at 08:31 PM.
GuyInColorado is offline  
post #26 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 01:05 PM
Member
 
jb02157's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,190
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
I separated January 13th. Divorce was final June 10th. Last week she refinanced the house and her auto loan. I'm off the hook for $2500/m in debt! I have to pay her $480m in CS and 50% of her nanny (another $500m).

Divorce for me was worth every penny I lost. Funny, I'm going to get engaged to my g/f of 9 months soon and will get married again. If things turn bad, I'll divorce again. Life is journey. Life is way better with another person that loves you as much as you love them.
Right but some of us never get that chance

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
jb02157 is offline  
post #27 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 01:19 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
Divorce for me was worth every penny I lost. Funny, I'm going to get engaged to my g/f of 9 months soon and will get married again. If things turn bad, I'll divorce again. Life is journey. Life is way better with another person that loves you as much as you love them.
I'll never understand why a person who has been through a bad marriage and a subsequent divorce would ever get married again. There's just no point to it. Not even for health insurance because you can get that with the new domestic partnership laws (thank you gay people!).

Yeah you could "always just get divorced again" but then again you could always "stick a pin in your eyeball" while you're at it.
browser is offline  
post #28 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 01:19 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,949
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
Right but some of us never get that chance
Because some of you CHOOSE to stay in your self imposed prison. Life is all about choices.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is online now  
post #29 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 01:25 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Life After Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
Because some of you CHOOSE to stay in your self imposed prison. Life is all about choices.
Sometimes people literally cannot afford to divorce. Or the options are just so bad that they'd rather stay in their self imposed prison because it's the lesser of two evils.
browser is offline  
post #30 of 94 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 04:10 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,627
Re: Life After Divorce

Used to be... you had kids when you were 18-24. By the time they were grown or at least old

enough to choose where to stay, you were still young enough to "start over" at 36-42.

Today.... people are having kids about ten years later. The D rate is always high in the 38-44 range,

just like before. The difference is.... the kids are a lot younger. The children are used as pawns,

intentionally or unintentionally. Then comes the CS.... the alimony (not as bad as before), maintenance

in general, losing the house, alienating the kids. THAT's why some stick it out until the kids

are grown. I see this all the time on this board. Every now and then you read about a D where

the W is the bread winner and she gets taken to the cleaners. Maybe if this happens enough, laws

will be changed. As jb02 is saying.... he can be utterly miserable but be with his kids and maintain

a nice standard of living, or be lonely, broke (a D man with little cash is not attractive to many

females), see kids 50% if he is lucky or in many cases... alienated from them.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How Do you survive Divorce, Empty Nest and Dog Dieing all at once? SawbladeLily Life After Divorce 14 09-25-2016 04:17 PM
Wife not Attracted! Separating! Possibly Divorce! DevilsHood35 Going Through Divorce or Separation 68 07-16-2016 05:27 AM
Divorce, over the precipice AvoidDivorce Going Through Divorce or Separation 20 07-03-2016 06:34 PM
Are you happy how your life has turned out? Herschel The Social Spot 87 05-02-2016 12:43 PM
A child resulting from an affair.... Truthseeker1 Coping with Infidelity 158 04-19-2016 05:03 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome