Life After Divorce - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #31 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 03:57 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
Funnel all of "your" money? Sorry, but if you made that money while married, it is equally HER money. So yeah, you will funnel half of it to her.

So you have worked damn hard to get to where you are in life. Did she work hard too? What did she do? Did she work? Was she a SAHM? Certainly she did something to contribute to the marriage. Your words and tone insinuate that you are the only one who did anything and you are the only one who should get the credit and rewards.

IME men are just afraid to be alone. That's what it boils down to. Many women tend to be way less so, as long as they have the resources to take care of themselves/their kids - and many women will move hell and earth to find a way to do that. Many men, on the other hand, are afraid of change and afraid of being independent. They would rather stay in an emotionally horrible situation than take a chance that things could be better. (Because hey! They could also be worse! And that is scary). So they are locked in place and too afraid to step out of the comfort zone, however much they hate their current life.

I'll never understand it. Like YNot said, material things are just materials things. Hardly worth giving up your personal/emotional/relationship happiness for material things that can be replaced. So I really don't think that's your real issue. Your real issue is that you are afraid to make a change. It's your choice, but then IMO you don't get to complain about where you are in life. Only you can change it. Life is choices.
Afraid to make a change that will put me in the poor house, yes. I've worked to hard for that so that's not an option for me. I'm not going to give everything to my wife who did absolutely nothing in the marriage to contribute to it, she only took away. So if I had a choice of either the poor house or staying in an emotionally horrible situation, I'll choose the latter. For women it's different, they will always have someone who's forced to give them money whether they work or not. Men don't have that luxury.


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post #32 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 03:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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For women it's different, they will always have someone who's forced to give them money whether they work or not. Men don't have that luxury.
It's not that gender specific. I've known at least two women who worked their asses off their entire life and when they got divorced their parasitic exhusbands got more than their fair share.
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post #33 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:52 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Not nice.

If they guy prefers creature comforts over freedom that's his call and lots of guys make that same call.

Easy for you to say he's a loser from where you sit because you're not the one faced with such a life changing decision.
Make a lot of assumptions do you? HTF do you know what I have been faced with? The guy is continually posting in a forum about Life After Divorce but refuses to do what he thinks is right because he is afraid to lose some material possessions. There are quite a few of us (men and women) here who have lost material possessions. Quite frankly I find it insulting. Sometimes people need a 2x4 upside the head because there brain isn't working right.

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post #34 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Make a lot of assumptions do you? HTF do you know what I have been faced with? They guy is continually posting in a forum about Life After Divorce but refuses to do what he thinks is right because he is afraid to lose some material possessions. There are quite a few of us here who have lost material possessions. Sometimes people need a 2x4 upside the head because there brain isn't working right.
Lots of people stay married for financial reasons. They choose creature comforts and solvency over freedom and destitution, and it's not for you to judge what's the best choice for them.

Insulting a person simply because you don't agree with their course of action is unhelpful and not supportive. The person isn't going to say "Some random internet stranger says I'm a loser and my brain aint right therefore I'm going to throw caution to the wind and just take my chances out there in the world alone and with no money".
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post #35 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:09 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Lots of people stay married for financial reasons. They choose creature comforts and solvency over freedom and destitution, and it's not for you to judge what's the best choice for them.

Insulting a person simply because you don't agree with their course of action is unhelpful and not supportive. The person isn't going to say "Some random internet stranger says I'm a loser and my brain aint right therefore I'm going to throw caution to the wind and just take my chances out there in the world alone and with no money".
Yep, lots of people stay married for financial reason and they live the rest of their lives miserably because of it. But they often times don't troll internet forums about LIFE AFTER DIVORCE whining about how they might lose something material. It is insulting to see such shallowness in a forum devoted to people who have actually suffered and are recovering or have recovered from divorce. Many of us didn't have the choice.

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post #36 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Yep, lots of people stay married for financial reason and they live the rest of their lives miserably because of it. But they often times don't troll internet forums about LIFE AFTER DIVORCE whining about how they might lose something material. It is insulting to see such shallowness in a forum devoted to people who are recovering or have recovered from divorce. Many of us didn't have the choice.
I don't see his posts as being insulting to those who have been through the pain, suffering, and life changing consequences of divorce.

If anything, seeing how miserable he continues to be in his marriage is validating for those of us who HAVE taken the plunge and dissolved our marriage while accepting the huge changes in our lives, which are almost always for the better.

I welcome @jb02157 contributions to this thread, I think they're very relevant because it helps put things into perspective.
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post #37 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:57 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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I don't see his posts as being insulting to those who have been through the pain, suffering, and life changing consequences of divorce.

If anything, seeing how miserable he continues to be in his marriage is validating for those of us who HAVE taken the plunge and dissolved our marriage while accepting the huge changes in our lives, which are almost always for the better.

I welcome @jb02157 contributions to this thread, I think they're very relevant because it helps put things into perspective.
That is YOUR opinion. I have my own. Have a nice evening

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post #38 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:59 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

MODERATOR WARNING:-

Please keep it civil.

It's possible to make your point without belittling other TAM members and risking being banned for being offensive, in contradiction of the rules.

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post #39 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 07:01 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

I'm on month #3 of child support. I got 13 years left! Worth every goddamn cent!

Funny, I'm shopping for rings with the girl of my dreams not even 11 months after separating. Life is amazing with a person you can't get enough of.
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post #40 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 07:07 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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I'm on month #3 of child support. I got 13 years left! Worth every goddamn cent!

Funny, I'm shopping for rings with the girl of my dreams not even 11 months after separating. Life is amazing with a person you can't get enough of.
Wow. Do you think that's maybe a little fast?

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post #41 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 07:26 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

JB,

Your last statement was as hateful as it is untrue.




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Afraid to make a change that will put me in the poor house, yes. I've worked to hard for that so that's not an option for me. I'm not going to give everything to my wife who did absolutely nothing in the marriage to contribute to it, she only took away. So if I had a choice of either the poor house or staying in an emotionally horrible situation, I'll choose the latter. For women it's different, they will always have someone who's forced to give them money whether they work or not. Men don't have that luxury.
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post #42 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 09:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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I'm on month #3 of child support. I got 13 years left! Worth every goddamn cent!

Funny, I'm shopping for rings with the girl of my dreams not even 11 months after separating. Life is amazing with a person you can't get enough of.
A few choice words come to mind that describe what I think of how you are handling your life at this particular moment. "Funny" is not one of them.
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post #43 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 12:58 AM
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You say laundry and grocery shopping like its a bad thing! seriously I don't mind doing those things and I save a ton by not have a wasteful self absorbed uncaring person doing the shopping anymore.

I have one more alimony check and then a few years of CS. However I may take her back to court since I now have one child living with me full time

I cant wait to be rid of her in all aspects.
You need to make the child support modification pronto! Few, if any family court judges are sympathetic about arranging for "backtracking" and like to do their child support modifications as they actually occur!

Get this taken care of immediately!

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post #44 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 01:38 AM
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Re: Life After Divorce

It's really not easy to experience all of these you have suffered and make the decision. Come on, you could be more stronger in your life.
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post #45 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-30-2016, 12:08 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Yep, lots of people stay married for financial reason and they live the rest of their lives miserably because of it. But they often times don't troll internet forums about LIFE AFTER DIVORCE whining about how they might lose something material. It is insulting to see such shallowness in a forum devoted to people who have actually suffered and are recovering or have recovered from divorce. Many of us didn't have the choice.
So you think I'm trolling this forum?? I'd watch what you say as far as inaccurate information. You say I troll internet forums. This is the only forum I have ever posted in. Also, I'm not talking about losing a couple material things or a couple bucks, I'm talking about survival purely and simply. I have seen many of my friends go from being in a stable financial situation to, at the whim of their wives wanting a divorce, being hard pressed to find a dirty apartment to live in while being stripped from any contact with their kids. This IS real life whether you want to believe it or not as insulting as it may or may not be. These friends of mine didn't have a choice either, their lives were turned upside down by a decision someone else made who didn't give a damn about them. These people are also suffering and recovering from a divorce to. Shouldn't this perspective be heard? I'm sorry if this situation doesn't apply to you but I definitely think that applies to many on this site.

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