Life After Divorce - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #76 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 02:00 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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If I was you I'd get a second opinion.

Not getting why she'd be entitled to more than half of the marital assets.

Most states don't require child support past 18 so you're probably good there.

You might have to pay some support but that's a very state specific thing as well and the trend in the past 20 years has been less spousal support for shorter durations. Although you're in a long term marriage so that may work against you big time.

You might lose half your assets but you won't be paying for her anymore.

Might not be as bad as you think.
She already enjoys ALL of his assets, and gets to destroy his happiness in the process. Sounds like she is winning big time due to his excuse making, hand wringing, fear of the unknown and ignorance of reality.


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post #77 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 02:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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She already enjoys ALL of his assets, and gets to destroy his happiness in the process. Sounds like she is winning big time due to his excuse making, hand wringing, fear of the unknown and ignorance of reality.
@Ynot

You sound very bitter and that's understandable given that you have posted about losing virtually everything in your divorce. Here on TAM we see a lot of "Well I did it so you can too and if you don't you're a loser" or something like that. What works for one doesn't make it necessarily work for another and there's no right or wrong as you seem to think.

Nobody usually "wins" when a marriage turns sour, it's just a matter of damage control and perhaps who loses "less".

I doubt his wife is enjoying the high life and is intent on destroying his happiness. She's probably as miserable as he is and it doesn't sound like there's a lot of extra cash to throw around.

As far as excuse making and ignorance and all of that, he's not being unrealistic although it might be time for him to get an update from a different attorney given how much time has passed.
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post #78 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 02:50 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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@Ynot

You sound very bitter and that's understandable given that you have posted about losing virtually everything in your divorce. Here on TAM we see a lot of "Well I did it so you can too and if you don't you're a loser" or something like that. What works for one doesn't make it necessarily work for another and there's no right or wrong as you seem to think.

Nobody usually "wins" when a marriage turns sour, it's just a matter of damage control and perhaps who loses "less".

I doubt his wife is enjoying the high life and is intent on destroying his happiness. She's probably as miserable as he is and it doesn't sound like there's a lot of extra cash to throw around.

As far as excuse making and ignorance and all of that, he's not being unrealistic although it might be time for him to get an update from a different attorney given how much time has passed.
I am not bitter in the least bit. I am just giving JB the same treatment others have gotten when they sit on their azz wringing their hands. I never said his wife was living the "high life" or purposefully destroying his happiness. I said she was already enjoying all of his assets AND destroying his happiness at the same time. Because she is is enjoying his assets. He is already supporting her, regardless of what he imagines. His happiness is being destroyed by her because he is allowing it by staying with some one HE professes to have made his life miserable. You can keep enabling his "non-choice" all you want. This has been going for two years and he refuses to do anything but whine about how he will lose everything, but has made no effort to actually find out (aside from talking to a well known men's rights attorney about 20 years ago) nor do anything to actually improve his situation. I would think in 20 years+/- he could have done something, (created a trust, set up a college fund, etc etc.) But no it is easier to do nothing and whine, especially when he knows some one will come along and enable his inaction by making excuses for him. Maybe you are a sucker. I am not. His story doesn't make any sense, unless you are willing to accept he is just a victim.

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post #79 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 03:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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I am not bitter in the least bit.
You sound REALLY bitter not just on this thread but on others but I get that you are unaware of it.

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I am just giving JB the same treatment others have gotten when they sit on their azz wringing their hands.
So that makes it right? Because others do it? Seriously you sound like a petulant 6 year old caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "SIS DID IT TOO!"

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You can keep enabling his "non-choice" all you want.
Who's enabling? Doing the dishes all the time because your partner is too lazy is enabling. Giving suggestions and advice isn't enabling.

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This has been going for two years and he refuses to do anything but whine about how he will lose everything, but has made no effort to actually find out (aside from talking to a well known men's rights attorney about 20 years ago) nor do anything to actually improve his situation.
Not the choice you or I would make but it doesn't make it wrong.

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I would think in 20 years+/- he could have done something, (created a trust, set up a college fund, etc etc.)
Or moved and hidden assets and gradually separated accounts and joint credit cards, etc.

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But no it is easier to do nothing and whine
Change is scary. No disagreement there.

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Maybe you are a sucker.
Geez I hope not. Do you think I am?

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His story doesn't make any sense, unless you are willing to accept he is just a victim.
It doesn't make any sense to YOU. To me it makes perfect sense why someone would be afraid to undergo a divorce due to finances. It happens ALL the time. Go ahead and read up on divorce rates and statistics. and although the numbers vary there's no question that there are large numbers of people who remain married for financial reasons only.

Are they all suckers and victims too? All because they didn't do the "brave" thing like you did and end the marriage at any cost?

Here's a link to get you started. I found it by Google searching "why do people stay married". I got tons of hits, surprisingly enough and "finances" is a top reason. What do you think of that?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/1...n_6330292.html

Top reason out of 10 for staying in a bad marriage "I have too much to lose". The third most common reason out of top ten: "I can't afford to move out on my own".

Imagine that.


Last edited by browser; 12-07-2016 at 03:16 PM.
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post #80 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 03:14 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

It's only money. Can make more tomorrow or marry a rich woman. Nothing is worth staying in a miserable marriage. If you aren't getting your d!ck sucked at least twice a week and getting laid 5x a week, then you aren't living. I lost over $100k in my divorce and paying $800m to the my ex. Worth every damn cent. Had more sex in the last 11 months than I did my previous 35 years on this earth. Thank God I have morals, a $.20 bullet and a good alibi looked like a good option in the beginning.
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post #81 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 03:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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It's only money.
I HATE that expression. "It's only money". Yeah until you don't have enough to keep a roof over your head and food on your table.

Say "It's only money" to the poor slobs living in a shelter or eating in a food pantry or fishing for dinner in a dumpster.

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Can make more tomorrow or marry a rich woman.
You can make more tomorrow IF you have a job. And even if you do that doesn't mean you'll make enough. The jails are filled with (mostly) men who can't afford to make support payments. You think they'd rather be in jail or living in misery with their exwife?

As far as you can "marry a rich woman".. no comment. Same answer applies to "you can always win the MEGA Million lottery".

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Nothing is worth staying in a miserable marriage.
That's your opinion. Obviously there are many who don't agree with you and it doesn't make you right and them wrong or vice versa.

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If you aren't getting your d!ck sucked at least twice a week and getting laid 5x a week, then you aren't living.
I never knew that! I wonder how many of us don't meet your criteria for living.

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Had more sex in the last 11 months than I did my previous 35 years on this earth.
I bet that's what lots of incarcerated men say as well.
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post #82 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 03:24 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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You sound REALLY bitter not just on this thread but on others but I get that you are unaware of it.

Maybe because I am not bitter. I guess in today's world calling someone's BS is a sign of bitterness?

So that makes it right? Because others do it? Seriously you sound like a petulant 6 year old caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "SIS DID IT TOO!"

No, what makes it right, is that it is needed. Maybe you think coddling someone who has been whining for 2 years is the right thing to do. I don't.

Who's enabling? Doing the dishes all the time because your partner is too lazy is enabling. Giving suggestions and advice isn't enabling.

You are enabling by continually defending his inaction AND by criticizing those who who don't

Not the choice you or I would make but it doesn't make it wrong.



Or moved and hidden assets and gradually separated accounts and joint credit cards, etc.



Change is scary. No disagreement there.



Geez I hope not. Do you think I am?

Judging from your continued defense for the indefensible, yes.

It doesn't make any sense to YOU. To me it makes perfect sense why someone would be afraid to undergo a divorce due to finances. It happens ALL the time. Go ahead and read up on divorce rates and statistics. and although the numbers vary there's no question that there are large numbers of people who remain married for financial reasons only.
Yep, there a millions of them. The difference is they don't post on forums titled Life After Divorce whining about how much they would lose.

Are they all suckers and victims too? All because they didn't do the "brave" thing like you did and end the marriage at any cost?
I didn't end my marriage at any cost. It was ended by my ex. Anything that I lost, however, I more than got back in peace of mind, not to mention being totally in control of my finances and future now.
Here's a link to get you started. I found it by Google searching "why do people stay married". I got tons of hits, surprisingly enough and "finances" is a top reason. What do you think of that?

The Top 10 Reasons People Stay In Unhappy Marriages | The Huffington Post

Top reason out of 10 for staying in a bad marriage "I have too much to lose". The third most common reason out of top ten: "I can't afford to move out on my own".

Imagine that.

Yes, imagine people making excuses like that to remain miserable. Like I said, keep enabling JB. He doesn't want the truth, he just wants validated.

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post #83 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Maybe because I am not bitter. I guess in today's world calling someone's BS is a sign of bitterness?
It's the "way" you go about giving advice that makes it clear you are bitter. You're almost angry at the guy because he's not doing it your way.

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No, what makes it right, is that it is needed. Maybe you think coddling someone who has been whining for 2 years is the right thing to do. I don't.
Beating up the guy is not needed. Supporting his decision is not coddling. Things are rather black and white with you @Ynot.

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You are enabling by continually defending his inaction AND by criticizing those who who don't
This one has run it's course. You say I'm enabling I say I'm not. I'm going to leave this one alone because it's become a circular argument.

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Judging from your continued defense for the indefensible, yes.
I hereby acknowledge that @Ynot considers me to be a sucker based on my posts on this thread.

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The difference is they don't post on forums titled Life After Divorce whining about how much they would lose.
OMG we get that he posted in "Life After Divorce" about a topic that is really better off in "Life Before Divorce". This thread was started by me, I welcome posts such as his, if anything your attacks on him are doing more to derail this thread than any of his. I don't mind your posts at all, just pointing out your threadjack which is no better than his "wrong forum post". That much said there are bigger things to worry about than wrong topic threads, such as the price of tea in China.

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I didn't end my marriage at any cost. It was ended by my ex
And there we have it folks.

Despite @Ynot's continued preaching, he didn't even end the his own marriage!!!!

That's funny.
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post #84 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 03:50 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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It's the "way" you go about giving advice that makes it clear you are bitter. You're almost angry at the guy because he's not doing it your way.

Actually I couldn't care any less what he does. It is his life. If he wants to waste it because of something he heard from some one 20 years ago, that is his choice. It is also my choice to call his BS. But regardless you confuse my defending myself with me being angry at the guy.

Beating up the guy is not needed. Supporting his decision is not coddling. Things are rather black and white with you @Ynot.

As I said, sometimes a 2x4 is needed and when you read two years of the same "woe is me" posts it gets a little old. if you think things are "black and white" for me, you need to learn to read to understand, instead of reading to respond.

This one has run it's course. You say I'm enabling I say I'm not. I'm going to leave this one alone because it's become a circular argument.

That is a good choice on your part, because posting excuses for staying in a bad marriage as part of your argument to defend a person who willingly stays in a bad marriage is very enabling

I hereby acknowledge that @Ynot considers me to be a sucker based on my posts on this thread.



OMG we get that he posted in "Life After Divorce" about a topic that is really better off in "Life Before Divorce". This thread was started by me, I welcome posts such as his, if anything your attacks on him are doing more to derail this thread than any of his. I don't mind your posts at all, just pointing out your threadjack which is no better than his "wrong forum post". That much said there are bigger things to worry about than wrong topic threads, such as the price of tea in China.



And there we have it folks.

Despite @Ynot's continued preaching, he didn't even end the his own marriage!!!!

That's funny.
Yes, it was truly hilarious! It would be even funnier if I were preaching, but I guess you know best.

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post #85 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 04:00 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

Let's be honest... If you can't afford to divorce and can't make more money tomorrow, no wonder why the marriage is failing. No woman worth marrying wants to be with a guy that isn't financial independent and can figure out how to make a better life for him and his family. That's a weak guy that is only making excuses.

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post #86 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 04:01 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

I too have said that Ynot is bitter, it comes through loud and clear when he posts, especially about women. (Ynot, you ARE improving though and taking strides forward ) However I AM in agreement with him about JB's situation.

JB you really should consult with an attorney regarding the CURRENT laws and guidelines. We all just really want to see each other happy.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #87 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 04:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Let's be honest... If you can't afford to divorce and can't make more money tomorrow, no wonder why the marriage is failing. No woman worth marrying wants to be with a guy that isn't financial independent and can figure out how to make a better life for him and his family. That's a weak guy that is only making excuses.
I'm learning so much on this thread.

I just found out from @GuyInColorado that if a woman is married to a guy who doesn't make all that much money, that marriage is destined for failure because he's weak and no woman wants to be with such a guy.

This is so educational.

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I too have said that Ynot is bitter, it comes through loud and clear when he posts, especially about women.
@Ynot

Sorry buddy, it's two to one against.


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But regardless you confuse my defending myself with me being angry at the guy.

As I said, sometimes a 2x4 is needed
So are you defending yourself or hitting the guy with 2x4s?
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post #88 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 04:07 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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I'm learning so much on this thread.

I just found out from @GuyInColorado that if a woman is married to a guy who doesn't make all that much money, that marriage is destined for failure because he's weak and no woman wants to be with such a guy.

This is so educational.


@Ynot

Sorry buddy, it's two to one against.


But regardless you confuse my defending myself with me being angry at the guy.

As I said, sometimes a 2x4 is needed
Hmm, you are too funny. Do you want to count likes on just this thread, or the number of people who have already given JB the same advice? Besides I didn't know JB was a woman. Keep enabling the guy, pretty much everyone else who has been around for a period of time has already heard his schtick and tried to give him advice. Someday maybe you'll see reality.

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post #89 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 04:07 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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It's only money. Can make more tomorrow or marry a rich woman. Nothing is worth staying in a miserable marriage. If you aren't getting your d!ck sucked at least twice a week and getting laid 5x a week, then you aren't living. I lost over $100k in my divorce and paying $800m to the my ex. Worth every damn cent. Had more sex in the last 11 months than I did my previous 35 years on this earth. Thank God I have morals, a $.20 bullet and a good alibi looked like a good option in the beginning.
Guy, your relationship isn't even a year old yet, of COURSE you two are humping like bunnies! JUST WAIT. That will NOT continue after probably the NEXT year. Its the natural course of any relationship... sex slows down. Doesn't mean it STOPS but still. You are in the throes of the honeymoon stage still, this is why I had tried to discourage you two getting engaged just yet.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #90 of 94 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 04:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Hmm, you are too funny. Do you want to count likes on just this thread, or the number of people who have already given JB the same advice?
I have no interest in doing either one of those things. I was just pointing out that I am not the only forum member that has noted your posts to be bitter.

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Besides I didn't know JB was a woman.
JB is a woman?? This changes everything.

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Keep enabling the guy, pretty much everyone else who has been around for a period of time has already heard his schtick and tried to give him advice. Someday maybe you'll see reality.
We've covered the enabling/vs not enabling topic ad nauseum. No further comment.
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