Life After Divorce - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #1 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 09:38 AM Thread Starter
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Life After Divorce

Hello TAM members.

I am rapidly nearing the date of my last child support payment and with that last payment I can finally close the chapter on a part of my life that no one wants to ever experience in their lifetime but unfortunately many of us do.

My divorce started about 10 years ago and it took several years and a good part of our marital assets to pay attorneys fees and resulted in estrangement from my children which I have only partially repaired over the years, it's a work in progress.

When things first started I thought my life was over, I went from a comfortable home in a nice neighborhood with a loving wife and 2 great kids, to suddenly being alone and having to adjust to a life that was similar to the one I lived when I was right out of college- suddenly single and having to do everything from grocery shopping to laundry while trying to continue to earn a living, with much of that income funneled towards my exwife and children all of whom suddenly wanted nothing to do with me.

I was on forums such as this one, and received great advice and support and now I am here to pay it back and share my experiences with others and give support and advice based on my own personal experiences.

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post #2 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 01:20 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

Congrats on reaching the other side!

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #3 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 01:48 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

Why don't the children want to have anything to do with you?

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #4 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 01:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

I've got two kids, both of whom stopped talking to me during the divorce when my exwife used standard alienating tactics to turn them away from me.

In the past few years my youngest has resumed contact with me and although she doesn't live locally we have visited each other on occasion so things are back on track for the most part although the relationship is not what it once was, but then again she's grown up now and things can't be the same. I hope for continued improvement.

My eldest didn't speak to me for a few years during the divorce but ultimately we resumed contact but it was rocky, lots of damage done, then she made some very bad life choices and I was very opposed to some of her decisions including having children while she was still a teenager and dropping out of college in order to do so and she took issue with my lack of supportiveness and finally told me she just didn't want to hear my negativity anymore and started refusing contact about a year ago. In hindsight I should have kept my mouth shut because she wasn't going to listen to me anyway.
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post #5 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 01:55 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Hello TAM members.

I am rapidly nearing the date of my last child support payment and with that last payment I can finally close the chapter on a part of my life that no one wants to ever experience in their lifetime but unfortunately many of us do.

My divorce started about 10 years ago and it took several years and a good part of our marital assets to pay attorneys fees and resulted in estrangement from my children which I have only partially repaired over the years, it's a work in progress.

When things first started I thought my life was over, I went from a comfortable home in a nice neighborhood with a loving wife and 2 great kids, to suddenly being alone and having to adjust to a life that was similar to the one I lived when I was right out of college- suddenly single and having to do everything from grocery shopping to laundry while trying to continue to earn a living, with much of that income funneled towards my exwife and children all of whom suddenly wanted nothing to do with me.

I was on forums such as this one, and received great advice and support and now I am here to pay it back and share my experiences with others and give support and advice based on my own personal experiences.

You say laundry and grocery shopping like its a bad thing! seriously I don't mind doing those things and I save a ton by not have a wasteful self absorbed uncaring person doing the shopping anymore.

I have one more alimony check and then a few years of CS. However I may take her back to court since I now have one child living with me full time.

I cant wait to be rid of her in all aspects.
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post #6 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 02:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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You say laundry and grocery shopping like its a bad thing! seriously I don't mind doing those things and I save a ton by not have a wasteful self absorbed uncaring person doing the shopping anymore.

I have one more alimony check and then a few years of CS. However I may take her back to court since I now have one child living with me full time.

I cant wait to be rid of her in all aspects.
I don't mind doing laundry and grocery shopping but at first it was sort of a reality check, after having a woman to do it for so many years.

At one point after the divorce was final I had custody of my daughter (it was shortlasting unfortunately then things went south again) but during that period I got the child support eliminated, if you've got custody then go get what is rightfully yours.

I recall when first the child support decreased because my eldest was emancipated then the alimony stopped and now we're approaching the finish line. I think I'll have a party. The ex will not be invited.
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post #7 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 02:18 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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I don't mind doing laundry and grocery shopping but at first it was sort of a reality check, after having a woman to do it for so many years.

At one point after the divorce was final I had custody of my daughter (it was shortlasting unfortunately then things went south again) but during that period I got the child support eliminated, if you've got custody then go get what is rightfully yours.

I recall when first the child support decreased because my eldest was emancipated then the alimony stopped and now we're approaching the finish line. I think I'll have a party. The ex will not be invited.
In my case she doesn't want to have to take him to school. She thinks cause I still live in school district its my job to let them come to my home everyday and she get them when she wants. I refused. I told her that on her weeks it was her responsibility to get them to school. So now she just doesn't pick up the oldest anymore. He has been with me for 10 weeks now cause he is too much of an inconvenience for her. So right now the oldest is with me full time and the youngest goes back and forth. However I still pay the same amount of CS.

I have thought of going back to my lawyer but I don't want to rock the boat. I get my oldest all the time now.
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post #8 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 02:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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I have thought of going back to my lawyer but I don't want to rock the boat. I get my oldest all the time now.
I guess it's a matter of how much you're paying. If it's into the thousands it might be worth making some waves.
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post #9 of 92 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 03:47 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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In my case she doesn't want to have to take him to school. She thinks cause I still live in school district its my job to let them come to my home everyday and she get them when she wants. I refused. I told her that on her weeks it was her responsibility to get them to school. So now she just doesn't pick up the oldest anymore. He has been with me for 10 weeks now cause he is too much of an inconvenience for her. So right now the oldest is with me full time and the youngest goes back and forth. However I still pay the same amount of CS.

I have thought of going back to my lawyer but I don't want to rock the boat. I get my oldest all the time now.
Document document document. Talk to your lawyer about this. Since your wife has apparently "abandoned" your son there may well be a solid and easy case for you to get full custody. I would think your lawyer could advise you in less than .1 of an hour, so it won't cost much $ to find out where you stand legally. I'd be all over getting full custody if I were in your shoes.
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post #10 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-01-2016, 10:59 AM
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Re: Life After Divorce

Browser..... when I came to LaD almost four years ago, they handed out t-shirts and fine Scotch. Check with Ele about that. I recall my intentions were to come aboard TAM, get advice, read similar threads and post a thank you letter after it was all said and done. Then I started posting on threads and really wanted to know... how things were to turn out. About the time those threads are wrapping up, you find a few others, then..... then.....

I don't trigger any from reading threads similar to mine, some do... and some stop posting because of that. Just pay it forward.... that was my concluding sentence on my first LaD post in Feb. '13.


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #11 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-01-2016, 04:10 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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Originally Posted by browser View Post
she made some very bad life choices and I was very opposed to some of her decisions including having children while she was still a teenager and dropping out of college in order to do so and she took issue with my lack of supportiveness and finally told me she just didn't want to hear my negativity anymore and started refusing contact about a year ago. In hindsight I should have kept my mouth shut because she wasn't going to listen to me anyway.
I'd of done the same thing. Are you supposed to pat her on her back while she throws her life away?!?

You're her parent not her "buddy" which is apparently the norm these days. Don't beat yourself up about it.

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I think I'll have a party. The ex will not be invited.
You got it all wrong.... She should be the guest of honor! A big thank you for giving you enough cause to get away from her.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #12 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 02:53 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

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..... when I came to LaD almost four years ago, they handed out t-shirts and fine Scotch.
How did I miss that?!
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post #13 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 03:52 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

I want to ask if it was really worth it. I've been contemplating divorce for years and and I haven't just because I didn't want all the ill effects that you mention, the all of the sudden being alone and having to funnel all of my money toward people who want nothing to do with me. I've worked damned hard to get to where I am in life and I don't want to throw it all away to people who don't give damn about me. Life has been hell with my wife but I'm wondering if it would be worse to get divorced.
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post #14 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 04:03 PM
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Re: Life After Divorce

Ever heard the old saying.. "why is divorce so expensive? Because its worth it!!" ? Truer words were never spoken.

What "people" are you referring to about funneling your money? Your kids?? I hope not! The only other person getting any money might be your ex wife, but that all depends on the laws in your area.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #15 of 92 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 05:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life After Divorce

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I want to ask if it was really worth it. I've been contemplating divorce for years and and I haven't just because I didn't want all the ill effects that you mention, the all of the sudden being alone and having to funnel all of my money toward people who want nothing to do with me. I've worked damned hard to get to where I am in life and I don't want to throw it all away to people who don't give damn about me. Life has been hell with my wife but I'm wondering if it would be worse to get divorced.
It was worth it because the anxiety I was experiencing from the relationship was literally tearing me apart. No doubt it would have led to health issues down the line. The relationship I'm in now is so much better it's beyond comparison.

My divorce was very expensive especially with the support payments but at the rate my exwife was spending she most likely would have cost even more than the divorce did.

As far as funneling money towards people who want nothing to do with you.. well the reason you're here is because they want nothing to do with you already, and you're supporting them either way. At least with a divorce there's an endpoint far sooner than the rest of your natural life.

As far as being alone? I've never been without a girlfriend for any length of time. If you're an ok looking guy who has got a few bucks and no major psychological disorders you'll meet women.
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