Originally Posted by moth-into-flame View Post
This post is so on point. I'm sorry you went through such a terrible marriage - I'm glad you're free of what seems like a not good man. You and I sound very similar.
The "new normal" indeed. I really, really cherish my solitude and freedom. it's awesome.
And you're right about the FWB - it's a holding pattern for sure. But it's one I'm comfortable in. And the sex is dynamite. We have amazing chemistry - even the first time we did it, it was fireworks. And we have fantastic conversation. It's too bad I don't have deeper feelings for her.
And you know what - the anxiety about the date wasn't even so much about the woman herself, it is because, like you, I am SUCH a homebody. Usually after I force myself to go out I'm happy I did - but I am so content staying home and doing my thing. I do all my socializing at work. I'm relieved when plans are cancelled too - date or not. It's like George Costanza said: "I've never gone to a meeting where I actually wanted the other person to show up".
I feel like this sums up how i feel pretty well.
And maybe i would feel differently if my marriage hadn't been so terrible. Maybe i'm a product of my circumstances, and I need to to heal and i'll feel differently. I really don't know, but I don't feel compelled to therapy, or to self help books or any other kind of trying to fix it.
I feel like my social anxiety, my homebody-ness, probably is the biggest factor in my being dateless. I work with an elderly person, i'm not meeting anyone there, and i have my kids 100% of the rest of the time. I have childcare, if i wanted to go out, but i don't meet anyone to go out with because i always have the kids. Maybe other people get asked out with kids in tow, but i don't. So i could get a babysitter and go out to the bars and meet people that way, but it's not really my scene. I could get on Tinder, or try on line dating, but i, like you, want it to happen organically. So, it's probably not going to happen any time soon. I occasionally get the itch for adult human companionship, but it passes. I have friends, I hang out with my sister a few times a month. I'm content.
And i've tried FWB before, and it's just usually not for me. It might be different with a nice guy with no expectations, but it usually just ends up complicating my life more than dating would.
Congrats to you for finding something drama and expectation free.