I want a relationship. I want to be single. I... - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #61 of 65 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 09:17 PM
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Re: I want a relationship. I want to be single. I...

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Originally Posted by moth-into-flame View Post
She's a very high drive, sexual person who needs it. We have amazing sex and great conversation and there's no drama. I don't understand why a woman can't be happy with this arrangement either. Clearly it's not for everyone, but obviously there are women that it does work for.
There are plenty of women that are happy with this sort of arrangement and actually prefer it. This is post divorce life and it can be a heap of fun.

I had a FWB years ago, we would go for a pedal, go back to his place for some great sex and then he would bake me a cake while we chatted. I never stayed over. It was perfect. We both acknowledge we liked each other but did not love each other and that it would end if/when one of us met someone serious. There is a lot to be said for NSA sex if it is done with respect and honesty.

All the best with your next date.

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post #62 of 65 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 10:03 PM
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Re: I want a relationship. I want to be single. I...

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A bit apprehensive as I know if I pursue a relationship I'll need to end things with FWB - but I don't want to throw that away for something that will fizzle in short order. I guess that's selfish.
Don't borrow trouble. You have made it clear that you don't have romantic feelings with your FWB and as long as it's clear that there is no commitment to monogamy, then you need to not worry about things that might not happen.

You've been on one date. That does not make a relationship.


Anyway, that's not why I jumped in here. I jumped in here because I get it. I don't want a relationship either. I don't want to share my bed, I don't want to clean up after someone, I don't want to watch shows I don't like, I don't want remind someone to put down the toilet seat. I am no mood for compromise. And apparently I am willing to forgo sex to keep my freedom. And it's funny, because I liked being married in many ways, but I know a lot of it was because I loved being in love. But now that I am not, I am not eager to do it again. The betrayal was too deep and in truth, you just can't tell. You can't guarantee that a relationship will last forever and that you both will work on it. And so it's a lot of emotion and sacrifice with an uncertain outcome. Or maybe I feel that way because I came out the loser. Or maybe two years is not enough time, I don't know. I just know I feel the same way you do.
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post #63 of 65 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I want a relationship. I want to be single. I...

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There are plenty of women that are happy with this sort of arrangement and actually prefer it. This is post divorce life and it can be a heap of fun.

I had a FWB years ago, we would go for a pedal, go back to his place for some great sex and then he would bake me a cake while we chatted. I never stayed over. It was perfect. We both acknowledge we liked each other but did not love each other and that it would end if/when one of us met someone serious. There is a lot to be said for NSA sex if it is done with respect and honesty.

All the best with your next date.
Cake and sex and no strings attached. Sounds perfect!
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post #64 of 65 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 10:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I want a relationship. I want to be single. I...

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Originally Posted by BlueWoman View Post
Don't borrow trouble. You have made it clear that you don't have romantic feelings with your FWB and as long as it's clear that there is no commitment to monogamy, then you need to not worry about things that might not happen.

You've been on one date. That does not make a relationship.


Anyway, that's not why I jumped in here. I jumped in here because I get it. I don't want a relationship either. I don't want to share my bed, I don't want to clean up after someone, I don't want to watch shows I don't like, I don't want remind someone to put down the toilet seat. I am no mood for compromise. And apparently I am willing to forgo sex to keep my freedom. And it's funny, because I liked being married in many ways, but I know a lot of it was because I loved being in love. But now that I am not, I am not eager to do it again. The betrayal was too deep and in truth, you just can't tell. You can't guarantee that a relationship will last forever and that you both will work on it. And so it's a lot of emotion and sacrifice with an uncertain outcome. Or maybe I feel that way because I came out the loser. Or maybe two years is not enough time, I don't know. I just know I feel the same way you do.
I hear that. Being single really kinda rocks - that freedom you gain after a divorce is really, really something beautiful and I'm loathe to give it up.

On another note - don't consider yourself the "loser". If you are no longer tethered to a cheater (I'm assuming that's what you meant by "betrayal"), and you now have your freedom, I'd say you're the winner. You've discovered your self worth (and that it's high) and that you aren't willing to compromise your newfound sense of self for a "maybe". Focus on you, figure out what your passions are... be selfish. Love yourself. You're no loser. People who cheat on their spouses and throw their lives away are losers. Case in point, my ex wife. What a sad person. I no longer have anger towards her - just pity.

Last edited by moth-into-flame; 12-15-2016 at 04:31 PM.
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post #65 of 65 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 02:11 PM
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Re: I want a relationship. I want to be single. I...

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Cake and sex and no strings attached. Sounds perfect!
Oh you forgot the cycling. Cake, sex, cycling with NSA, the perfect trifecta
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