Is there anyone else here, like me, that would not even consider a future relationship? I hope that I'm not the only one who has no desire whatsoever to seek out a new love. The past two years have been so stressful and hellish, that I could never trust a man ever again. I know there are great fellas out there, but I know that I am so damaged, and I don't see myself as material for any kind of successful relationship. I think I'll just stick with a nice cuddly pet or two, to enjoy the rest of this journey called life. I can carry on alone, and I do have my three kids who I adore and have a lot of fun with, but an intimate relationship is something I don't think I will ever consider again. Twenty years with someone is long enough.
I do have to say I find it rather odd though to see so many wanting to jump right into a new situation, even before their divorce is final. That would scare the daylights out of me. I would need time and lots of it just to rediscover the person I am.
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
You are not alone. And I fully agree with you regarding people going from a marriage directly into another relationship...before the divorce is final. Even people that date soon after a divorce seem so alien to me. Its not something I can wrap my head around. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
while reading the title of this thread a feeling of resignment came over me... I have been sorta feeling like that, really am not feeling like pursuing anyone or using up any energy on someone else right now... I've been trying to date, have been seeing a new lady who is also recently separated and we have a sexual chemistry but so little else... I appreciate the sexual expression we have with each other but do find I'm so reluctant to invest anything emotional into it. It is very melancholy feeling, like there is some passion there but it is a just a slow hot controlled burn. Also my anatomy is not working like a healthy 35 year old man's should and looking back into my sexless marriage I'm realizing that this has been a contributing factor to the lack of intimacy and I'm only realizing it now, everything else works except the one piece du resitance... which still does its job just not with gusto needs constant coaxing (just like its master I guess). I just feel like an old man and its really hard to even want to feel youthful, there is still so much joy in life I just want to take it way, way to slow. Kinda scares me because I can't see living the next 20, 30 or 40 years more without the vigour it seems I'm missing... maybe all we need is time to heal, but what if the healing never happens? (and yes I'm talking to professionals about all of this)
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
WOW I feel the same way.....I have no desire and don't know if I want to ever be in any type of relationship again....then I feel sad for myself thinking I am just going to be lonely. I have my beautiful children but still they will grow very fast and be off with friends etc.,...Will I really spend the rest of my life alone? And is that how I want it? Am I too damaged to let myself find any type of relationship. Sorry for the rambling I am just feeling all over the place today, angry, sad, embarrassed....UGH....
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
I understand how many of you feel, especially since I came out of a 22 year marriage. I NEVER want to experience another bad relationship, much less divorce.
I have dated a few women, since my divorce 2 years ago, but no serious relationships...neither do I want one.
I believe one of the primary reasons many get into a relationship immediately after a break-up/divorce, is because they can't handle being alone and/or it helps mask the pain (rebound) of their prior failed relationship.
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
At this point, I am feeling the same. It's going on 8 months since the seperation. I am re-discovering ME and have nowish to bring some one else in to this. Too much to do to get my life back on track, don't need distractions. Maybe much later I'll feel differently but for now I am getting used to being alone for the first time in 25 years and I'm beginning to like it. No worries about the toilet seatbeing left up, no tug of war over the TV remote, no debates about what's for dinner.
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
Now here's a subject I can relate to! Sometimes I am so happy and content being alone I think there's something wrong with me! I have had plenty of dates and I do (sort of) enjoy meeting new women and learning about their life, but the thought of a day to day relationship just has no interest for me. And I'm really tired of family and friends always on me about finding another "special" person, my last "special" person made my life hell for way to many years!
You know what I really want, a fake girlfriend, someone to make an occasional appearance at a get together or family function, then go to her own home and let me go home and relax! lol
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
That's the way I felt after my divorce. I was very untrusting of men under the circumstances/abuse that had happened from men.
I was working, raising my child on my own and going to college getting a degree to get up on my feet and make it on my own giving my daughter and I the best life possible. Well, one day while at work my supervisor had asked me to go out on a blind date with her husbands brother. She showed me some pictures of him, which were outdated and kinda funny looking.lol Reluctantly I decided to go for it. Heck it was only a date and I needed to take a break from the world and have fun.
Prior to our first date we spoke on the phone getting to know one another, he is a real super nice guy. After a few phone calls I started receiving fresh flowers delivered to my work. Wow, how awesome was that!!! We went on our first date which ended up being a work chili fest 1.5 hour drive. He and my supervisor showed up and we hit it off pretty well! We definatly went on a second date and a month later he told me he loved me, which I was not ready for. He proposed 6 months later. He was quite the gentleman and we didn't have any sexual relations until after we were engaged. 13 years later(married 12) we couldn't be any happier. We had 2 more children and the fabulous sex life continues. We never argue and have fabulous communication with each other. We are both completely physically/emotionally connected and very affocinate with one another.
Don't ever give up hope. I couldn't be any happier with my husband. He's my best friend and the best husband anyone could ever ask for. I'm so blessed to have him in my life. I did feel that way at one time. I met my husband 5 years after my divorce. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
I can certainly relate to this topic.
After my failed marriage, I really don't think I want to be married again. I just prefer dating, and let it be what it will.
As much as I enjoy my current relationship, I do enjoy the fact that I can go to my own home and listen to music while watching NHL hockey all day during a Holiday break from work without being bugged about being lazy by anyone. LOL
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
If anything I'm scared of women and won't go near a woman even if you try to pay me to. No relationships for me and I'm happy being single. I can travel, focus on my career without abusive distractions and rediscover myself once again. More importantly I can expose my two kids to so much more than the STBXW allowed.
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
Quote:
Originally Posted by I'mInLoveWithMyHubby
He was quite the gentleman and we didn't have any sexual relations until after we were engaged.
Haha. What a great story. And I do so love that you said "We didn't have any sexual relations" LOOOL. So clinical/proper!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccerfan73
After my failed marriage, I really don't think I want to be married again. I just prefer dating, and let it be what it will.
I'm right there with you. I'm not sure I'd ever want to get married again. I thought marriage was a forever thing and was/am pretty disillusioned w/ my divorce.
Re: No interest whatsoever in a future relationship
I'm with you. Four months separated, but not yet begun divorce proceedings. Things can change, of course, but my current mindset is "never again". I have nothing left to give - too exhausted and wounded, and I have entirely lost the ability to trust.
I'll never again allow anyone to get close enough to me where he begins to think he has the right to start criticizing my interests and my basic personality, steal money, have affairs, etc. After three years of emotional and psychological abuse from my husband, I'm going to take a long break from relationships. I also have a 14 year old daughter to raise, so the next few years belong to her.
I'm the celibacy queen, paddling my kayak alone, and steering it where I want it to go. For now it's all about me.
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No interest whatsoever in a future relationship 
