My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 13Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 01:02 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 48
My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

My ex wife's boyfriend has been encouraging my son to steal, telling him it's okay as long as you don't get caught, that the more he practiced the better he would get at it. This started the second time visitation started and they have only been there 7 weekends. Two different weekends she didn't even show up. No call, text, or anything. Both times hurt ny children very bad. On top of that she barely pays children support which I don't depend on. Every time she comes to pick them up there is some problem. Lucky for me I don't deal with her directly my mother does. My children have told me a lot of things about what goes on there. According to my children she isn't allowed to call or text her children when they are with me because he is afraid she will end up talking to me (I have not had direct contact for over a year now with her.)

My son says he talks really bad about me and talks about beating me up lol. That's when he told me about encouraging him to steal. He also told my son that he didn't like his mother, him, or his sister's. He then said "If you think I'm crazy, your wrong!" That scared my son really bad. My youngest daughter is also scared of him and he gets angry at her mother when she is talking to her daughter about me.

Now a lot of his behavior was explained to my by his ex wife but I wanted to get advice from other people. My lawyer is already working on getting he excluded from being around on visitation. My lawyer said we probably could have gotten that restriction before our divorce but we didn't know his name. His ex wife found me on Facebook right before visitation started.

Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk

txcouple903 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 01:41 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,386
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

Let the lawyer do whatever it takes to get your kid away from this loser.
notmyrealname4 is offline  
post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 04:20 AM
Member
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,215
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

Document everything - places, dates, etc.

Get a lawyer and get them out of there.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is offline  
 
post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 05:05 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 436
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

As a family we are dealing with this too. My niece's mother is literally the worst role model any child could have. She encourages her to drink and smoke, that it is ok to steal as long as you don't get caught and you never steal from family . Her mother in now having sex with a married man and she taught her that is ok as long as you don't get caught. She tells her we are the worst family in the world. The list goes on....

When she is with us we talk to her about these things, we tell her what we think is the right thing to do, we explain consequences for doing the wrong things. We never get involved in tit for tat exchanges about her mother (even though it is tempting). That way we have build up some trust with her.

When two people are parenting one child in two very different ways unfortunately there is not much you can do about it other than do your best to teach them your way. They make their choices and hopefully also have a good school that re-enforces good moral behaviour. Social services are not interested so much in bad parenting unless there is neglect or abuse (and even then it has to be fairly severe). It is also very difficult to prove poor parenting in a court of law because most people of this ilk are very manipulative.

Do your best to spend as much time with this child as possible, teach them the best you can, make sure you are available for honest discussions, try not to flip your lid when you hear about something that makes your hair stand on end, keep the conversations calm so he keeps confiding in you about what is going on. The last thing you want is the information to dry up because then you have all your control taken away from you.

Good luck - I know how frustrating it is.
peacem is offline  
post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 05:39 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,416
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

Are you positive your son is telling you the truth? Is it possible he is so hurt and upset with his mother he is trying to hurt her because he is hurting? Just something to think about….

I would find out everything you can about the boyfriend, pay to have a background check if needed. If what your son is saying is the truth it sounds like a terrible environment for your kids to go to, I would do everything in my power to make that stop.

Also get your mother out of the loop. Why the hell would you drag her into this drama? She doesn't need to be dealing with that kind of stress and you may even be putting her in harms way. Handle your own responsibilities, let your mom be a grandma.
Cooper is online now  
post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 06:17 AM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 2,169
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

Document, document, document. Then take whatever proof you have to a lawyer and/or Child Protective Services and follow their advice.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is offline  
post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 09:42 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,386
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

It's 2016 in the U.S. of A. and this kind of crapola can take place.


This makes me think of the multiple postings on TAM, where a betrayed or sexless spouse says that they will not get a divorce because if they did; then their children would then be exposed to the array of people that their ex might start dating/marrying.

And I admire people like that a bit more by reading this thread.


I know that divorce is for the best many times; I'm not dissing on people who divorce.

But, undeniably, this is one of the worst potential side-effects of divorce.
notmyrealname4 is offline  
post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 09:51 AM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 2,169
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

Quote:
Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
It's 2016 in the U.S. of A. and this kind of crapola can take place.


This makes me think of the multiple postings on TAM, where a betrayed or sexless spouse says that they will not get a divorce because if they did; then their children would then be exposed to the array of people that their ex might start dating/marrying.

And I admire people like that a bit more by reading this thread.


I know that divorce is for the best many times; I'm not dissing on people who divorce.

But, undeniably, this is one of the worst potential side-effects of divorce.
Don't let them make excuses, NMRN4. If what OP said is true, he could document and go back to court for reduced, supervised, or even a temporary halt on visitation. So far, we have failure to pay support, failure to pick up the kids for parenting time, parental alienation, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor....all within 7 weekends....since visitation "started back up".

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is offline  
post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 03:36 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 48
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

I had a long reply but the app messed up:-( I'm sorry to hear what is happening with your family peacem. I will retype the reply later.

I believe my son because my youngest daughter told me she stole gum from the gas station while they were visiting. She told me her brother told her to do it because their mommy's boyfriend said it was okay. She is only 7. There have been other things they have told me as will. I found out as much as I could about her boyfriend but most of it came from his ex wives. He had two children he hasn't seen in over 6 years. He son from his first wife he doesn't have custody or parental rights too. His daughter from his second wife he hasn't paid child support on in 5 years. She filed on him but he always quits are moves.

There is a Facebook post about him stealing a car and a cat from a girl in California. The cat is on a picture on my oldest daughter's phone of the exact same cat. His second ex wife has told me a ton of things about him. She does not think he is a good person or father.

I don't always believe everything I hear but 3 different women that knew him are telling me the same thing. He has been with all these women and it's hard to believe that they are all telling a story. Both the children look exactly like him and I don't think they are bitter. His first wife is remarried and happy as can be. His second wife has a good career in the medical field. The third girl has remarried too so I don't see why they would be worried about telling about someone they have moved on from if they were lying. I just really want to hear other people's opinions. I have everything documented and I talk to my children as much as possible. I spend all child support money on things they want and need but I buy them stuff often anyway. I don't believe everything they tell me and I talk to each of them separately. After that I talk to them together and it helps that my mother talks to them too. When I'm talking to one my brother is talking to another. Their stories match up together. We give them positive reinforcement and support. We tell them to do there best to be good when there are there. They call and text when they can but they feel like they will get in trouble when they are there. They don't want to go most of the time because they don't want to be around her boyfriend. They don't believe that he wants them around their mother. He always acts mad when they want to call home and almost every time there is an argument in the bathroom. They tried to hide it from them but they always hear it.

According to them they think their mother thinks she made a mistake. There is tons of more things. Thanks for all the input.

Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk
txcouple903 is online now  
post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 03:44 PM
Member
 
jb02157's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,012
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

Get as much documentation on this as you can. I don't think this will help much though, men aren't listened to in court. Women can usually get away with whatever they damned please even if it hurts their (your) kids.


"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
jb02157 is offline  
post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 03:49 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 48
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

Well my lawyer did tell me the judge over our case doesn't like my ex wife and she is a women herself. I keep everything on file on my computer and I have a notebook with written entries.

Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk
txcouple903 is online now  
post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 03:55 PM
Member
 
jb02157's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,012
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

Quote:
Originally Posted by txcouple903 View Post
Well my lawyer did tell me the judge over our case doesn't like my ex wife and she is a women herself. I keep everything on file on my computer and I have a notebook with written entries.

Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk
I would do nearly anything to have an advantage like that in court

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
jb02157 is offline  
post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 06:29 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 48
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

Well this is another no show with no warning. My kids were upset but they guessed she wasn't coming.

Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk
txcouple903 is online now  
post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 06:26 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 48
Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

I need some advice. The mother of my children is moving 16 hours away and wants visitation in the summer for 42 days. My lawyer said I am not responsible for getting them to her if she is moving that far away. He also wants me to push the issue with the courts to have her boyfriend removed from visitation time with her kids. I don't think that will work when she is going to be living that far away. There would be no way to in force it and it's not like she cares about following court orders anyway.

I'm going to try to get legal aid again or save up the $1,800 to take it to court. My ex wife is also pressuring my almost 12 year old daughter to pick her when she turns 12 in February. Every time they talk she and her boyfriend are trying to convince. She doesn't tell them no because she is afraid of what they will do and she is trying to convince her to get her younger siblings to pick her too.

She is really causing my oldest daughter a lot of emotional stress. Just this past weekend they had a bad argument about her moving. She didn't think it was her daughter talking and kept saying it was me. I wasn't even at home at the time or had a phone with me. It's always the same drama with her. If our daughter doesn't talk about the things she wants to she gets angry.


This is what she said to my daughter and son.

"No. I will not do this with you again. This is why I changed my number the first time and if you want to do this again I will not hesitate to change it again. Stop now. If you want to talk about the move then we will talk about it in person. That is all."

This is what my children were talking with her about. I took out my children's names, her son's name, and her boyfriend's name for privacy.

"This is your son mommy and this is what Justin told me and emily. He said that It is ok to steal and that it is easy and that if you don't get caught your fine and he told me to tell emily to steal . We stole gum and candy from the gas station He said that you can get better at it as you get older. He said you have to start off with little stuff and move to big stuff he also said don't ever bring your back pack through the front door to always bring it through a side door. He said when your stealing try not to get caught. He said that he has stole before and he didn't get caught.

He says he doesn't care what daddy says and he doesn't like him and he wants to hurt daddy. He said he doesn't like when we talk to daddy and that's why he leaves out of the room and is mad. He said that daddy is a b word and a word for fighting for his kids and that he she just give them to your mom

He says he wants to hurt daddy because he is an idiot and stupid. He said that daddy is stupid for think that.

He was going to stay with you He also said he wanted to kill daddy because he is sick and a idiot

He also said he doesn't like child 1, child 3, child 3, her new child, or you mommy and he said if you think I'm stupid or dumb I'm not and he said if you think I'm gonna stay with your mom I'm not he also said you were a b word

He said he doesn't like being around you mommy and he didn't want a child with you He said when you, emily, and savanna aren't around that if she doesn't see that he doesn't like or love her then she is stupid and when he is around you he is unhappy.

He always said that kinda stuff when I was with him this is why I didn't like being around him because he talked bad about you and daddy then pretending he didn't around you

Your probably going to say everything I said to him and he is going to be mean to me because he told me never to say anything to you or daddy but I did:-( I should have told you when it first started but I was scared and you won't before me anyway"

Now my oldest daughter had been talking to her for a week. She told her mother 3 times not to talk about her boyfriend on 3 different days. She wanted to talk about her and her brother only. Finally Saturday she got mad and told her mother in a rude way to stop telling her she misses her boyfriend because he doesn't miss you.

Apparently they have overhead him say a lot of bad things about their mother and me. They never told me because they don't want me to get upset. It was too late when I got home and now my daughter won't talk to her mother anymore and she is extremely upset she is moving away.

My oldest daughter talked to her half sister's mother which is the only thing that calmed her down. She has another half brother as well by the same guy. At first I thought that was odd but after talking to both mother's to didn't seem odd anymore.

Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk
txcouple903 is online now  
post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 07:31 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,090
Cool Re: My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits

This lout, I'd wager, has a criminal rap sheet, and needs to be reported to your attorney!

Your son does not need to be anywhere around this guy! And for any amount of time!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
arbitrator is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Those of you with WS, did they ever come to understand that they are bad human beings sokillme Coping with Infidelity 89 12-10-2016 05:25 PM
Bad Dreams TriednTired New Member Forum - Introduce Yourself! 7 10-22-2016 02:47 PM
If Your Wife's Friends Don't Like You, You're Screwed. gene_vincent General Relationship Discussion 41 01-14-2016 02:57 PM
Husband is abusive. Financially how bad is a divorce? WnM36 General Relationship Discussion 16 12-24-2015 01:14 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome