Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 10Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 12:14 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 20
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
It isn't a matter of looking for someone. It is a matter of finding yourself. You can ask and answer specific questions until you are blue in the face, but until you discover who you are, it won't matter. The idea that others have offered you concerning deal breakers are part of that effort. Ignore them at your choosing, but your quest will probably end in failure, because the 5'6 125 lb long brown haired, caucasian of eastern European ancestry, blue eyed woman with a college degree, two adult children and an established career in the biomedical field who owns her own newer 2 story home in the suburbs and drives a small SUV may not be the right person for you because she may not desire you since you are more interested in what she is than who you are.
Thanks for your contribution! You seem like a very helpful person. Who assumes he knows everything. Good luck, friend!

M042 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 12:20 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,951
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Quote:
Originally Posted by M042 View Post
Thanks for your contribution! You seem like a very helpful person. Who assumes he knows everything. Good luck, friend!
I never claimed to know everything. You can listen if you want to but your approach to this is predicated on the idea that there is "one" out there for you. It precludes the realty that are many out there for you. Continue to entertain the scarcity mindset at your peril. The reality is there is over whelming abundance. I am sorry you will miss out on reality.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
Ynot is offline  
post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 12:27 PM
Member
 
soccermom2three's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,854
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
I never claimed to know everything. You can listen if you want to but your approach to this is predicated on the idea that there is "one" out there for you. It precludes the realty that are many out there for you. Continue to entertain the scarcity mindset at your peril. The reality is there is over whelming abundance. I am sorry you will miss out on reality.
I don't get any of this from his posts. If anything he is more grounded in reality than most and I think what he's doing is great. It's important to vet out the incompatible or bat **** crazy because if you let yourself be high on "I'm in love" hormones that's when you make really bad decisions.
soccermom2three is offline  
 
post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 12:36 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,951
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Quote:
Originally Posted by soccermom2three View Post
I don't get any of this from his posts. If anything he is more grounded in reality than most and I think what he's doing is great. It's important to vet out the incompatible or bat **** crazy because if you let yourself be high on "I'm in love" hormones that's when you make really bad decisions.
Okey-dokey I guess this doesn't mean anything: "I am in fact asking for questions that would lead to a very specific person" Not type of person or persons, but a very specific person. Yeah that isn't narrowing down the field, is it?

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
Ynot is offline  
post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 12:42 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Hope Shimmers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: US
Posts: 456
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

OP I read and re-read your posts and I want to make sure I am understanding you correctly. Are you thinking that these will be questions that you ask people you find on OLD before you decide whether or not to meet them? Or are they questions you will ask yourself to determine if the person you're dating is really who you want to be with?

Sorry if I'm being dense, but I just wanted to make sure I understand your intent before I answer.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
Hope Shimmers is offline  
post #21 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 01:01 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Hope Shimmers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: US
Posts: 456
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Is she a vegetarian?

Does she eat healthy?

What's her favorite food?

(You can tell I haven't had lunch yet...)

Is she financially responsible?

Does she like animals?

Is she a neat freak or a slob?

What is her work ethic?

Does she like jewelry?

Does she do volunteer work?

Does she come from a bug or small family?

What was her childhood like?

Does she complain a lot?

Does she cook?

Is she physically attractive to me?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
Hope Shimmers is offline  
post #22 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 01:11 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 20
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
OP I read and re-read your posts and I want to make sure I am understanding you correctly. Are you thinking that these will be questions that you ask people you find on OLD before you decide whether or not to meet them? Or are they questions you will ask yourself to determine if the person you're dating is really who you want to be with?

Sorry if I'm being dense, but I just wanted to make sure I understand your intent before I answer.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I am not dating anyone currently, and no it is not for OLD.

It is questions to ask myself for visualization purposes, and while the answers are cut and dry in that moment for the sake of the exercise this does not mean if I meet someone and she is not exactly like this I will completely rule her out.

In the vein of law of attraction and visualization, you need clarity and specifity to really encourage your imagination to become reality. I have never been good at this, having always been-- even with my ex wife-- if she likes me, she must be ok. So to imagine what I want (even if it changes as I go) and ask for it through this exercise is the point.

You are not being dense, thanks for your questions.
M042 is offline  
post #23 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 01:13 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 20
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Quote:
Originally Posted by soccermom2three View Post
I don't get any of this from his posts. If anything he is more grounded in reality than most and I think what he's doing is great. It's important to vet out the incompatible or bat **** crazy because if you let yourself be high on "I'm in love" hormones that's when you make really bad decisions.
I'm totally guilty.
M042 is offline  
post #24 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 01:25 PM
Member
 
vi_bride04's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Mich
Posts: 3,910
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Some of my questions, not in any order:

Do they have or want kids?
Have they had long term meaningful relationships and at least lived with a woman? (It seems so many men in my age range for OLD have never been married, engaged or lived with a woman)
Are they aware of healthy food choices and importance of local/fresh/non-GMO foods?
Do they appreciate and respect nature?
Are they physically active with outdoor activities such as hiking, camping, kayaking, biking?
Are they polite and respectful to strangers?

I have a few more but I find if we don't match with these there isn't alot of attraction on my end.
vi_bride04 is online now  
post #25 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 01:26 PM
Member
 
jb02157's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,190
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Married but Happy View Post
OP, additional things to consider in a good match:
- belief system (values, religion, etc.)
- attitudes (liberal or conservative, proactive or reactive, etc.)
- personality type (introvert or extrovert, etc.)
- compatible, sustainable libido, and range of sexual activities
This is a very good list and hits all the things that I was thinking were missing off the OPs list. Maybe another thing is honesty. This is something that killed our marriage.


"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
jb02157 is offline  
post #26 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 02:57 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Hope Shimmers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: US
Posts: 456
Re: Divorced-- questions to ask re attracting the *right* person

Quote:
Originally Posted by M042 View Post
I'm totally guilty.
Me too. Describes the last sixteen months of my life.
Hope Shimmers is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm single, divorced mom mandik Life After Divorce 12 03-18-2016 07:41 AM
"Why Do You Keep Asking Questions About It?" MAJDEATH Coping with Infidelity 77 02-19-2016 12:39 PM
She divorced me because... BlueWoman General Relationship Discussion 1878 02-06-2016 12:49 PM
Divorced Dad dating--my scenario MRR Life After Divorce 9 12-07-2015 12:37 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome