almost 6 years later - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 01:15 AM Thread Starter
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almost 6 years later

almost 6 years after separation, she wanted this, so she can pay for the divorce. 3 years of child support to go, havent seen my kids in over 3 years.
Had a cpl of (very short term) girlfriends, and one (badly) failed relationship, so single I am, and may as well get used to being that
Not complaining here, just saying how it is


Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 05:00 AM
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Re: almost 6 years later

Do you try to get in touch with your children?

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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 02:40 PM
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Re: almost 6 years later

I took a look at your old posts, your exwife turned your kids against you it seems.

Doesn't hurt to keep sending cards and maybe a gift on their birthdays and the major holidays.

Sometimes that's all it takes for them to realize that you never gave up on them and if the timing is right and the opportunity arises you might get a call or a knock on your door.

Then again I understand having been there that it's very painful to keep reaching out and getting rejected and you may be at or beyond that point so you gotta do what's right for you.

As far as giving up on any possibility of meeting someone new I have to ask what makes you such a bad prospect compared to all those other guys out there? I mean if you've got a few bucks and a job, and you're half decent looking with no major mood disorders you're already in the top 10% of eligible bachelors.
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 02:58 PM
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Re: almost 6 years later

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Originally Posted by browser View Post
I took a look at your old posts, your exwife turned your kids against you it seems.

Doesn't hurt to keep sending cards and maybe a gift on their birthdays and the major holidays.

Sometimes that's all it takes for them to realize that you never gave up on them and if the timing is right and the opportunity arises you might get a call or a knock on your door.

Then again I understand having been there that it's very painful to keep reaching out and getting rejected and you may be at or beyond that point so you gotta do what's right for you.

As far as giving up on any possibility of meeting someone new I have to ask what makes you such a bad prospect compared to all those other guys out there? I mean if you've got a few bucks and a job, and you're half decent looking with no major mood disorders you're already in the top 10% of eligible bachelors.
I'd say what makes him a bad prospect is that he's been separated for 6 years, isn't divorced, and doesn't want to be divorced bad enough to pay for it. Based on his post I'd say he doesn't want to be divorced, which I can understand but why should a decent woman get involved with that?

So she can be his bed warmer while he pines for his wife?

He can't really commit seriously to someone else.

And he's still really po'd at his wife, which is understandable but makes him unattractive as a prospect for another woman.

OP, do yourself a favor and just pay for your damn divorce so you can heal and move on.
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 03:09 PM
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Re: almost 6 years later

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almost 6 years after separation, she wanted this, so she can pay for the divorce.
I didn't realize you weren't divorced until the @lifeistooshort pointed it out.

In which case I will point out to you that your logic defies explanation. She wanted it so she can pay for it?

Doesn't work that way, sorry. You each pay your fair share. In fact, if you make more money, you'll probably be paying for part of her legal fees (this can vary widely). At the very least you'll be paying for your half. The courts don't say "whoever starts it or wants it more foots the bill".

In fact if you are the breadwinner then the longer you are legally married the longer in duration your spousal support payments are likely to be. States, and courts within the same state vary widely but it could very well be that the extra 6 years of separated (but still married) could amount to 3 years of spousal support that you would otherwise have not been ordered to pay.If you are gaining wealth with each passing year then your wife will be entitled to her fair share (this includes additions to your retirement accounts) whereas if you had filed for divorce years ago you would not be in such a predicament and more importantly you'd be moving on with your life.
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 06:06 PM
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Re: almost 6 years later

Welcome to the forum!

As others have stated, you will be much better off in all aspects if you get divorced versus a long-term separation.

Several years ago I became involved with a man who was separated (I am divorced) and the next time I do that will be when

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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 06:43 PM
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Re: almost 6 years later

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post

Doesn't hurt to keep sending cards and maybe a gift on their birthdays and the major holidays.

Sometimes that's all it takes for them to realize that you never gave up on them and if the timing is right and the opportunity arises you might get a call or a knock on your door.

Might want to send those cards and gift packages by registered or certified mail.

If mom is a piece of work, those pieces of mail will be confiscated and destroyed before the kids ever see them.


Or, better yet, deliver them in person.
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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: almost 6 years later

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Originally Posted by plomito View Post
Do you try to get in touch with your children?

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Fb is the only means, and yes, at least 3 times a week, rarely get any reply though

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I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: almost 6 years later

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
I took a look at your old posts, your exwife turned your kids against you it seems.

Doesn't hurt to keep sending cards and maybe a gift on their birthdays and the major holidays.

Sometimes that's all it takes for them to realize that you never gave up on them and if the timing is right and the opportunity arises you might get a call or a knock on your door.

Then again I understand having been there that it's very painful to keep reaching out and getting rejected and you may be at or beyond that point so you gotta do what's right for you.

As far as giving up on any possibility of meeting someone new I have to ask what makes you such a bad prospect compared to all those other guys out there? I mean if you've got a few bucks and a job, and you're half decent looking with no major mood disorders you're already in the top 10% of eligible bachelors.
would need to know an address, or postal address to be able to send cards, as for meeting someone, pass

Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: almost 6 years later

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
I'd say what makes him a bad prospect is that he's been separated for 6 years, isn't divorced, and doesn't want to be divorced bad enough to pay for it. Based on his post I'd say he doesn't want to be divorced, which I can understand but why should a decent woman get involved with that?

So she can be his bed warmer while he pines for his wife?

He can't really commit seriously to someone else.

And he's still really po'd at his wife, which is understandable but makes him unattractive as a prospect for another woman.

OP, do yourself a favor and just pay for your damn divorce so you can heal and move on.
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pass, I have better things to spend the $1000+ on, like, I just bought a house and I want to renovate it, oh, and I did commint, in fact, I moved 1,800km (about 1000 miles) for a woman, who turned out to be more fake than a $3 note, I guess you could say I have trust issues now, and no, the ex can pay for the divorce


Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: almost 6 years later

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
Might want to send those cards and gift packages by registered or certified mail.

If mom is a piece of work, those pieces of mail will be confiscated and destroyed before the kids ever see them.


Or, better yet, deliver them in person.
again, would need to know an address, although court orders say that each parent is to be kept informed of any new address, the ex ignored court orders, and I really dont have the spare $10k to take it back to court again

Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: almost 6 years later

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Originally Posted by browser View Post
I took a look at your old posts, your exwife turned your kids against you it seems.

As far as giving up on any possibility of meeting someone new I have to ask what makes you such a bad prospect compared to all those other guys out there? I mean if you've got a few bucks and a job, and you're half decent looking with no major mood disorders you're already in the top 10% of eligible bachelors.
on this point, I am open to having a girlfriend, I am NOT open to having a live in partner

Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: almost 6 years later

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Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
Welcome to the forum!

As others have stated, you will be much better off in all aspects if you get divorced versus a long-term separation.

Several years ago I became involved with a man who was separated (I am divorced) and the next time I do that will be when

1) lol, I have been a member here for about 6 years
2) nope,I didnt want the separation, she did, she can pay the $$ for the divorce, I have much better things to spend my hard earned $$ on (house repayments, renovating my house, going out with friends when I can)

Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 05:41 AM
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Re: almost 6 years later

Crankshaw do you think you are teaching her a lesson? Do you think by moving away and buying another house your life is moving on? You need to realize you will forever be hand cuffed to this woman unless you divorce her. Is the price of a divorce so high you would rather live in spite the rest of your life? Have you looked at a dissolution? A few hundred dollars in filing fees is all it cost.

Honestly you are only hurting yourself, and intentionally undermining any chance of moving on to a happier life. Is it possible subconsciously that's what you think you deserve?
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:35 AM
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Re: almost 6 years later

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pass, I have better things to spend the $1000+ on, like, I just bought a house and I want to renovate it, oh, and I did commint, in fact, I moved 1,800km (about 1000 miles) for a woman, who turned out to be more fake than a $3 note, I guess you could say I have trust issues now, and no, the ex can pay for the divorce
WTF? You bought a house? While you are still married? You do understand that many states have dower property laws, which basically means by being stubborn by refusing to see reality, you have just bought your wife half a new house? Go ahead and spend the money renovating it, I am sure your wife will be more than happy to see the big return on the investment she didn't even lift a finger for. Good job, you have just created another marital asset to be divided thru a divorce. For God's sakes man, just pay for the divorce and face reality. The marriage is over.

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