I can relate to the apathy. I'm 9 years out of my divorce.
For me I think it is about my life always being about living for someone else. During my marriage it was my H and kids. During the years I have been divorced, it was primarily my kids. But I have also been in several long-term relationships since divorcing (one was several years long), so between that and my kids, I had a focus.
Now.... I have no relationship right now. And 2 of my kids are grown and gone, and the third is in high school and doesn't need me in the same way anymore. That frees up my time to do.... what? Suddenly I don't know what I am supposed to do.
I think that's maybe where you are at, Ynot.
There are things I want to do, like sell this huge house and move across the country and into someplace smaller. There is a lot to do to this house to get it ready to sell. But I think... why? Why do I care?
A friend of mine emailed me today and sent me a photo of a note that her husband left for her on the front door when he left for work this morning. It said, "____, I love you more than life. I am the luckiest man in the world to be married to you!" I was so jealous at first. I was thinking, will I EVER meet a man who says that to me?
Then I read the thread about happyman64 who had stage 4 cancer and may not be with us now, and I realized that I need to stop freaking WHINING.
And I am NOT saying you are whining. I'm saying that I have been. For far too long.
I don't know when or how it all falls into place. I don't know how to acquire motivation to make it happen. But part of me feels like maybe it NEVER all falls into place, after reading some threads here. Maybe it's all just an illusion. I want a relationship and a man who loves me and who I can love, and I haven't found that.... but if I did, maybe it would just end up like some of the threads here anyway. Maybe the only person I can count on is myself. And my dog.
All of these things that I know I need to be doing, and I just ask myself, "Why?"