Apathy - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 12:42 PM
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Re: Apathy

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My kids are grown. That doesn't mean I don't want to see them. In fact I want to be a part of their lives.
Do THEY want you to be a part of theirs?

That's all that matters unfortunately.

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post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Apathy

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Do THEY want you to be a part of theirs?

That's all that matters unfortunately.
Yes, they do and I am. I have no interest in moving to Bora Bora to live the rest of my life as a beach bum if I am not a part of their lives.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 02:11 PM
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Re: Apathy

I am nowhere near where you are in the process, nor have the same level of financial freedom, but can relate.

I'm very apathetic towards the future and am getting there w/ respect to the past.

I've done a ton of introspection and have come to a similar conclusion.

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I really think I need to settle into being me. Probably for the first time in my life.
I struggle w/ who "me" is. Some mostly ok dude that will manifest if I just relax, quit doing psychological gymnastics and "be myself". Or some guy I need to forge from the fires of creation, a phoenix rising from the ashes of a broken dream. I guess he could be either.

Spring is a long way out but golf can bring calmness (along w/ rage)...neither of which is apathy, if only for a short while.
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post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 07:50 PM
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Re: Apathy

I can relate to the apathy. I'm 9 years out of my divorce.

For me I think it is about my life always being about living for someone else. During my marriage it was my H and kids. During the years I have been divorced, it was primarily my kids. But I have also been in several long-term relationships since divorcing (one was several years long), so between that and my kids, I had a focus.

Now.... I have no relationship right now. And 2 of my kids are grown and gone, and the third is in high school and doesn't need me in the same way anymore. That frees up my time to do.... what? Suddenly I don't know what I am supposed to do.

I think that's maybe where you are at, Ynot.

There are things I want to do, like sell this huge house and move across the country and into someplace smaller. There is a lot to do to this house to get it ready to sell. But I think... why? Why do I care?

A friend of mine emailed me today and sent me a photo of a note that her husband left for her on the front door when he left for work this morning. It said, "____, I love you more than life. I am the luckiest man in the world to be married to you!" I was so jealous at first. I was thinking, will I EVER meet a man who says that to me?

Then I read the thread about happyman64 who had stage 4 cancer and may not be with us now, and I realized that I need to stop freaking WHINING.

And I am NOT saying you are whining. I'm saying that I have been. For far too long.

I don't know when or how it all falls into place. I don't know how to acquire motivation to make it happen. But part of me feels like maybe it NEVER all falls into place, after reading some threads here. Maybe it's all just an illusion. I want a relationship and a man who loves me and who I can love, and I haven't found that.... but if I did, maybe it would just end up like some of the threads here anyway. Maybe the only person I can count on is myself. And my dog.

All of these things that I know I need to be doing, and I just ask myself, "Why?"
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post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 08:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Apathy

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I am nowhere near where you are in the process, nor have the same level of financial freedom, but can relate.

I'm very apathetic towards the future and am getting there w/ respect to the past.

I've done a ton of introspection and have come to a similar conclusion.



I struggle w/ who "me" is. Some mostly ok dude that will manifest if I just relax, quit doing psychological gymnastics and "be myself". Or some guy I need to forge from the fires of creation, a phoenix rising from the ashes of a broken dream. I guess he could be either.

Spring is a long way out but golf can bring calmness (along w/ rage)...neither of which is apathy, if only for a short while.
I don't have financial freedom. I am far from wealthy. But sadly, I am able to say even with that low threshold to begin with, that the really pitiful amount of money I have (which is my only true asset). Is still more than I ever had in my life.

In regards to golf, I would say mostly rage. I have only truly perhaps one of two rounds of golf this past years where I really felt in the moment. Otherwise I find myself just going thru the motions and being frustrated. I have had few long periods in the moment.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 08:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Apathy

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Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
I can relate to the apathy. I'm 9 years out of my divorce.

For me I think it is about my life always being about living for someone else. During my marriage it was my H and kids. During the years I have been divorced, it was primarily my kids. But I have also been in several long-term relationships since divorcing (one was several years long), so between that and my kids, I had a focus.

Now.... I have no relationship right now. And 2 of my kids are grown and gone, and the third is in high school and doesn't need me in the same way anymore. That frees up my time to do.... what? Suddenly I don't know what I am supposed to do.

I think that's maybe where you are at, Ynot.

There are things I want to do, like sell this huge house and move across the country and into someplace smaller. There is a lot to do to this house to get it ready to sell. But I think... why? Why do I care?

A friend of mine emailed me today and sent me a photo of a note that her husband left for her on the front door when he left for work this morning. It said, "____, I love you more than life. I am the luckiest man in the world to be married to you!" I was so jealous at first. I was thinking, will I EVER meet a man who says that to me?

Then I read the thread about happyman64 who had stage 4 cancer and may not be with us now, and I realized that I need to stop freaking WHINING.

And I am NOT saying you are whining. I'm saying that I have been. For far too long.

I don't know when or how it all falls into place. I don't know how to acquire motivation to make it happen. But part of me feels like maybe it NEVER all falls into place, after reading some threads here. Maybe it's all just an illusion. I want a relationship and a man who loves me and who I can love, and I haven't found that.... but if I did, maybe it would just end up like some of the threads here anyway. Maybe the only person I can count on is myself. And my dog.

All of these things that I know I need to be doing, and I just ask myself, "Why?"
At the moment I don't even know that I want a relationship. I am beginning to feel as though my inner self is telling me to look within and find the real me. I find it hard to feel comfortable in a relationship since I don't know how I want it to proceed. Maybe for the first time I realize that I am in control. But I don't know where I want to go.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 07:54 AM
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Re: Apathy

There's no rush, is there? Just enjoy life.
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post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 04:25 PM
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Re: Apathy

Yeah! Because divorce is also a step. Until you find and do things that bring you joy, you're going to feel empty and apathetic.
Maybe take a class or do some counseling to figure out what excites you. And dating is just dating. You kind of expect a spark and when it doesn't happen, one can feel disappointed. I can feel sparks but I'm not at the place where I want the demands of a relationship. I'm content alone and I enjoy being with people, but I don't feel the magic tingle that would make me want to be bound by the confines of a relationship. I enjoy doing what I want, and am not ready to share that with someone or compromise my ME time. Getting divorced did t magically fix my life, changing it took work...the divorce was just the catalyst that moved me into knowing myself and allowed me to rekindle my own interests.
Hope you can find things that make you spark!
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post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 09:38 PM
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Seems normal, especially apathy towards relationships and the opposite sex. The frame of reference needs to be reset, your lens recalibrated.
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post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 11:45 PM
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Re: Apathy

@Ynot - I probably read too quickly but what exactly are you apathetic about? Everything?


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post #41 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 05:13 AM
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Re: Apathy

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I am not trying to be argumentative, but if there was something I felt passionate about, I wouldn't be feeling apathetic. Maybe I haven't found it yet? I do different things, try to put myself out there, force myself to stay engaged, try to live in the moment, learn new things etc etc. I just find myself lacking any spark in my life.
It is not unusual to feel depressed during and after divorce, but being that you seem generally apathetic to things and circumstances that "should" bring you some joy, even long after the divorce, have you considered that you might be struggling with low grade chronic depression?

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post #42 of 42 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 06:59 AM
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Re: Apathy

Y Not, I could have written this thread. I am in the exact same boat. I live, I work, I go through the motions. I do have many hobbies, but they only go so far in fulfilling me. Right now I'm learning Spanish style/flamenco guitar. I don't play golf anymore because I simply refuse to pay the ridiculous fees courses charge nowadays. I work out a bit and walk every day. I'm thinking of getting a dog.

Sigh...that's about it.
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