Apathy - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #1 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 10:37 AM Thread Starter
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Apathy

I am now two years removed from my divorce. While I am generally in a much better place than I was before (both before my divorce and in the months after) I still find myself feeling a great deal of apathy towards life in general.
For instance the holidays are coming up. I am just not really excited about them. I guess the "magic" is gone. I will buy my kids presents. I will see them at various points thru the holidays but things won't be the same.
I have been dating, I have met many women. I have a nice time with most of them. But really at the end of the day, I do not feel anything for them.
My business is doing great. I am making more money than I ever did before. I have more money in the bank than I ever have had at any point in my life. But I really don't care I am bored with what I do.
I am not a spend thrift either. I buy what I want when I want. I eat good food and have no problem paying for it. I drink whatever I want and again have no qualms about paying for it. I travel whenever I want and stay in nice hotels, eat at expensive restaurants, rent nice cars. But big deal.
Is apathy just one step on the journey from misery to happiness?


At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #2 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 10:45 AM
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Re: Apathy

I'm not sure if it's a step on the path to happiness. I think apathy can occur when one is just too tired to care one way of the other.

What are the things that bring you joy? Can you bring more of those things into your life?

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #3 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 10:47 AM
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Re: Apathy

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Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
I am now two years removed from my divorce. While I am generally in a much better place than I was before (both before my divorce and in the months after) I still find myself feeling a great deal of apathy towards life in general.
For instance the holidays are coming up. I am just not really excited about them. I guess the "magic" is gone. I will buy my kids presents. I will see them at various points thru the holidays but things won't be the same.
I have been dating, I have met many women. I have a nice time with most of them. But really at the end of the day, I do not feel anything for them.
My business is doing great. I am making more money than I ever did before. I have more money in the bank than I ever have had at any point in my life. But I really don't care I am bored with what I do.
I am not a spend thrift either. I buy what I want when I want. I eat good food and have no problem paying for it. I drink whatever I want and again have no qualms about paying for it. I travel whenever I want and stay in nice hotels, eat at expensive restaurants, rent nice cars. But big deal.
Is apathy just one step on the journey from misery to happiness?
Find something to be passionate about, better yet fine something to be passionate about that helps your fellow man.
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post #4 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 10:59 AM
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Re: Apathy

Wow, your life sounds like a dream. It reminds me of the guy who made the video game minecraft. He sold if for millions/billions (not sure) and his life was set. He met with stars and partied every night. Yet he complained about his life being empty. He just waited in the house for all his friends, who had jobs, so he could party that night with them.

I found it hard to sympathise. To me he was living a superficial life, that is why he felt empty. Drink, party, debauchery, boring day alone, rinse-repeat. I mean why doesn't he go do some volunteer work or something meaningful. Not like he has bills to worry about. So he is flexible.

I agree that helping your fellow man in some way will give you a sense of fulfillment. Goodspeed, OP.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #5 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 11:02 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Apathy

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Find something to be passionate about, better yet fine something to be passionate about that helps your fellow man.
I am not trying to be argumentative, but if there was something I felt passionate about, I wouldn't be feeling apathetic. Maybe I haven't found it yet? I do different things, try to put myself out there, force myself to stay engaged, try to live in the moment, learn new things etc etc. I just find myself lacking any spark in my life.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #6 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 12:00 PM
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Re: Apathy

Ynot, here is a thought create a new traditions for yourself, work at a shelter or soup kitchen.....maybe your will find happiness in helping others.
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post #7 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 12:33 PM
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Re: Apathy

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Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
I am not trying to be argumentative, but if there was something I felt passionate about, I wouldn't be feeling apathetic. Maybe I haven't found it yet? I do different things, try to put myself out there, force myself to stay engaged, try to live in the moment, learn new things etc etc. I just find myself lacking any spark in my life.

I so totally get this! I wonder how you handle change, any kind of change? When I look back, I see a pattern in my life of basically hating change and yet never really realizing I did. I'm a very happy type of person. I recently broke both my ankles and was out of work for 3 months. I get told every day how glad my co-workers are to have me back, that I bring life to the office, only problem, I feel fake and have for a couple years now. When I'm with people I don't want to be with them. If I'm alone I don't want to be alone. My life is not what I wanted and it was basically changed with out my consent. lol....That's how it goes right?

In an effort to confront change and "make the most of it" I went on a two year dating frenzy. I volunteer, I socialize. I stopped dating a year ago because I was hurting some really nice men. I didn't know what I wanted. I do now. I want to love and its not enough to love my family, my friends, my self etc. I want that close love, intimacy, acceptance. and as much as I want to receive it I think I miss giving it more. But how do you get it? I'm not willing to go searching for it. For me it has to be easy, just happens. so we will see... for now I will go apathetically on... hopefully not being a downer to anyone else and I think that's okay. Sometimes it takes us time to adjust to get to know who we are now and what we have to offer. If you need this time, let yourself have it is all I'm saying.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” -Maria Robinson
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post #8 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 05:49 AM
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Re: Apathy

Ynot are you truly apathetic or are you content but feeling guilty about it? Are you gauging your life by what you think society calls "normal"?. Your current life sounds very much like mine, yet for a time after my divorce I kept thinking I was missing something or needed to be "passionate" about some cause. But you know what? I got to a point where I said f**k all that BS. I spent many years of my life moving at 100mph focused on doing it all all of the time. Why? So I could be the perfect dad? Perfect husband? Perfect business owner? Perfect community member? blah...blah...blah. Sure that was great and I might do it just the same if I had to do over but the thing is I don't, I'm at the "been there done that" point of my life.

For many years all I wanted was for my life to slow down so I could enjoy the fruits of my labors, and that's where I have finally arrived, I (and maybe you) need to recognize that, relax and enjoy it.

You will visit with your kids over the holidays and enjoy each others company, great. Business is doing well and you have the time and money to enjoy yourself, great. You set your own schedule, go where you want, do what you want when you want as you want, great. Sounds perfect to me. I for one don't need fireworks in my life anymore, I am very very happy watching a candle flicker in the dark.

Ynot my point being you are in a position to do or try anything you want, if you need purpose and passion to focus on than find it, but don't feel that you must just to look "normal". Make your own normal.
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post #9 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 06:20 AM
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Re: Apathy

@Ynot, your life would be the very ideal for some.

Your post examines many of the things you do have, as a measure or assertion of general success.

Those standards are what you make. Sure, society dictates to a great extent, but do you conform to everything society says, or march to the beat of your own drum?

The message I read is, you have all these things but you have not found a new meaning of happiness. Healing can take a long time. I was in a similar place for 3 years before I found real happiness again. Maybe you will realize happiness again precisely when you are meant to. Meanwhile, I see your life is quite full of very positive qualities.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow

Last edited by Satya; 11-19-2016 at 06:58 AM.
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post #10 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 07:35 AM
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Re: Apathy

I know how you feel. But I do think it the feeling of apathy will go away when your mind gets tied up on something you ARE passionate about. MAKE SURE it's not a woman! Find something else that brings you excitement. I like hunting and fishing. You have money now, maybe buying a piece of land and gardening, or finding a nice piece of property to develop out in the country to your liking would bring you some excitement. Just an idea... But find SOMETHING that you enjoy doing enough that you look forward all the time to it. If you find some woman that really excites you and brings you happiness, remember that can be taken away any time they feel like it.
Glad you're doing well in other aspects of your life...

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post #11 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-19-2016, 02:52 PM
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Re: Apathy

Your happiness is defined by you and you alone. If you base it on having a SO, VERY slippery slope.

Not saying you are.... but many do. I'm not one to fit into societal norms..... I've never had a

smart phone (I do admit I'm about to break down soon and get one), I was told my sweaters were

outdated.... remind me to care, never cared for new gadgets. Maybe I'm 74 in a 44 y/o body.

Never let anyone or anything define you.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #12 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-19-2016, 03:13 PM
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Re: Apathy

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Your happiness is defined by you and you alone.
I always like these simple truths...


Funnily enough, one feels apathy because of the lack of calm in self... not too much of it.

You keep looking for it outside... not inside.
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post #13 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 11:35 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Apathy

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I always like these simple truths...


Funnily enough, one feels apathy because of the lack of calm in self... not too much of it.

You keep looking for it outside... not inside.
There is an element of truth in the issue of lack of calm. I do feel as though I am just casting about looking for something to be passionate about. Like I said, since my divorce, I have traveled, I have learned to ride, gotten my MC license and purchased a MC, I am learning to play a guitar and learning to read music. These were all things I have always wanted to do, not just cliche's. I have dated many women, I have experienced many different things, been exposed to different situations, etc etc. It is just that none of them have become things I am passionate about. So in that regards I do lack calmness, my sense of me is not settled. I know that I don't want to be a hermit. I don't want to withdraw into my self, so I force myself to be engaged in order not to collapse into my self like a black hole.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #14 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 11:56 AM
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Re: Apathy

I think as time passes that the "ahh so what's" will start going away. I don't see, though, in going through a divorce you have more money than you ever had. All my research says that if I did get divorced I would be in the midst of poverty. If I could be in your position right now, I'd file tomorrow.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #15 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 12:04 PM
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Re: Apathy

Have you tried working on yourself, and by that I mean your fitness/body? It's a great way to invest in yourself and while very hard work, is very rewarding when you see results.
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