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Trying to get exwife to agree to lump sum child support prepayment

10K views 109 replies 22 participants last post by  turnera 
#1 ·
After tomorrow's 1st of the month payment I've got exactly 4 child support payments remaining, the total due is about $8000.

My daughter lives out of state, she just got a job and needs a way to get there, she's working on getting her drivers license and expects to have it shortly and she wants to buy a car.

I told her and my ex that I'd be willing to prepay the support so my daughter can get a car, however my ex must a) agree to it in writing and b) forward most of the funds to my daughter.

Sounds simple, right? Problem is my ex has been keeping the bulk of the child support even though my daughter hasn't once lived with her since she moved out of state a few years ago. The problem is my ex is selfish, greedy, and lazy and hasn't worked in years because she's living off of generous child support payments. My daughter is concerned that if I give the lump sum to my ex she'll get less then whatever small amounts she gets from the monthly payments.

I'm trying to convince the ex that this final payment is in the best interests of our daughter who of course we both love and care about and we both want her to succeed and she needs transportation in order to do that but my ex is seriously mentally disturbed (in my opinion) and only sees the rapidly decreasing incoming flow of free money.

I'm not sure if this is a vent or asking for advice so take it as you may.
 
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#81 ·
You see it as heavy handed; I see it as practical and a lesson in life that she needs to learn. I shrug a lot. When people pout at me, I shrug. Sucks to be you. When people guilt me, I shrug. I guess you'll find a better way to do it, huh? Don't want to work after I got you the car? Shrug. Doesn't look like you need it anymore, since you're not even walking a full mile a day at school. I'll sell it and save the money for a graduation gift.

The key is to keep the emotion out of it. And to remind her that you WANT to help her out, but that requires respect. If she takes the car and doesn't return respect for it, guess what? No car.

You sound like you're desperate for her respect and affection and care, and are afraid of making her mad. No good will come from that. She's still a kid; you've got decades of time with her in the future. If she's being a putz, let her be a putz; without you. She'll eventually realize you're being loving AND respectful of her by expecting the same from her. Eventually, she'll see you as the stable, good parent and return to you. It just may not be in the next few years. I didn't talk to my mom much at all between the time I was 18 and 21 because of my boyfriend's influence. But she remained the same steady, loving person she always was, and I grew up a bit and started seeing that, and 'returned' to her.

You can't force that. And you sure can't buy it.
 
#82 ·
You sound like you're desperate for her respect and affection and care, and are afraid of making her mad.
You're not wrong. I tend to walk on eggshells around her because if I over step we will be right back to square one and we've made a lot of slow progress over this past year. I would probably go so far as to stop throwing money at her but I wouldn't sell the car out from under her. Somehow she'd have to find the money to keep up with the registration and insurance payments or the car won't be on the road.

I appreciate your advise and I don't dispute anything you've said but I'm going to tread lightly.
 
#83 ·
I wouldn't take out a student loan for a car.

Average student loan interest can be two, three, four times what the rate for a car is. If you can't pay your car loan it sucks, but they can repo the car or you declare bankruptcy. You can never get rid of a student loan without faking your own death or leaving the country.

If you want to help her out, co-sign her car loan, but I'd heavily encourage her against getting an iron clad student loan for a car.
 
#87 ·
Kids' brains don't stop developing until around age 25. Mine is 26 and she's just now starting to act like a real adult; before now, everything was always backed with a 'mom, how do I do this' or 'do you think I should do that' because she didn't have the mental capacity or experience to come up with the answers.

Trust me, it will still work with your kid. In fact, I tell adults to deal with their spouses using it. It's basic psychology - works on everyone.
 
#92 ·
In my state if the children reject the noncustodial parent and meet certain criteria for emancipation such as "being of employable age", then the custodial parent may be able to convince a court that they should no longer be responsible for supporting them.
 
#93 ·
Thanks Browser...this is what I was referring to. If Ynot had bothered reading my posts, she would have know that 2 of the kids are grown, are college graduates and have their own jobs. With her around, I feel like Jay Leno having to explain his jokes to a dumb audience.
 
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