The No-Kids Requirement - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 10:40 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

Super interesting topic.

I only used one OLD service and it was brief. It allowed you to mark Yes if you had kids, and it also asked if you wanted more children.

For those that know me, they know I met my DH within 2 weeks, so I didn't use the service for long...BUT, I had thought about what I wanted ahead of time. I love kids, like love love love them, all ages, babies on up. Sitting where I sat at that time, all the sorrow that my two kids were coping with when their seemingly perfect world was shattered by mommy moving out, I felt that I only wanted to date men with no kids or grown kids. I told myself how absurd that was, and even how unfair to plenty of very nice gentlemen. At that time and place in mine and my kids life, I could not imagine trying to blend them into a household with other kids, and I didn't want to do that to them.

My DH has no kids. Things have been as smooth as they could be for the situation.


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post #17 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 10:47 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

It's not rude, if someone doesn't want to date someone because he/she smokes, has kids or any other factor...it's best to say it up front.

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post #18 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 11:28 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

I love my son, but since I don't want him to get attached to guy before I've had a chance to get to know him, it would likely be several months before I introduced them. Add to that the fact that I'm often not free since I'm spending time with my son, and don't live the care-free, bar-hopping, manicured existence of a single gal, and a lot of guys would be put off. I think the reality is that most people, women or men, would like to think they aren't bothered by the person they're dating having kids. But when confronted with demanding schedules, and the realities of dating a single parent (less primping/gym time, less disposable income etc. etc.) they realize it's just not for them. And that's fine.

When you love your kids, you want the person you end up with to be kind to them, accept them, be a good role model, and all of that stuff. It's a lot of pressure if you don't have kids of your own. I can completely understand that some guys won't want to date me. I'm actually grateful if they include that in their profile, because we wouldn't be well-suited.

Don't think it's insulting, or any more insulting than them listing their other preferences. For example, I can finally admit to myself that I am just not attracted to men who are shorter than me. It might make me superficial, it might be cruel, but to my mind, it's crueler to start dating someone, then decide the attraction isn't there because you push aside your own preferences in favor of being the "good guy." Just as you can select height ranges on many dating sites, most put in a detail about "has kids" or "wants kids" and that way you can find someone who meets those criteria.

I see a lot of attractive guys, likewise, who in their profiles don't appear intelligent, are just looking for a hookup, or do drugs. I don't judge them for being/wanting those things, but those things aren't attractive to me so we wouldn't suit. I'm rambling. But...does that makes sense?
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post #19 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 11:35 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

I don't think it's rude either. Men or women should be able to choose whatever filters they want on their profile.

I do think that depending on age, it does limit your choices if you place "no kids" as a filter. 20's, chances you're going to get a lot of hits with people that don't have kids. 30's, 40's and 50's, the matches are going to be fewer.
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post #20 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-05-2016, 09:42 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

I don't think its rude at all. Its so much better to have that honestly up front. Its certainly no different than the people who post on the OLD profile that "my children are my entire life and my first priority always, if you cant deal with that, then don't bother with contact" or something along those lines. People actually put that. While I admire the dedication to your children, letting potential partners know that they will never be a priority is pretty off-putting, in my opinion.

I didn't put on my OLD profiles anything about not wanting to deal with YOUNG children, I would just weed out the one's who had photos of them and their kids that showed how young they are, or check through their profiles about ages, or if they messaged and mentioned it. I have raised my own wonderful daughter, I have no interest in raising someone else's little ones at this point in my life. I enjoy my free time now. Any younger than like 9 or 10 is not something I care to deal with right now.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #21 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-05-2016, 09:48 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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Originally Posted by moco82 View Post
Quite a number of women's dating profiles lists "no kids" as a requirement for a dating prospect.
I can understand a woman not wanting to date a kid. Why wouldn't she want someone more mature with a job and can drive.

What am I missing?

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post #22 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-05-2016, 05:28 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

I absolutely want to know up front if a woman doesn't want to date a guy with kids. Why waste your time, only to find out you're incompatible because of that? I pass directly over the women on Match who list "no kids" as a requirement of a partner, and pass over the women who say they want kids in the future.
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post #23 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-05-2016, 06:07 PM
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I'm a woman and I don't want to date men with kids unless they are grown. I did it before and I spent a HUGE amount of time alone. Some holidays alone and just basically still felt like a single person. Then there is the ex that is always around. Yuk. Why on earth would anyone want that. ?

After years together he still did not want to get married until he saw how me and his ex got along. I was like ummmmm really. Hell no. She is not for me to deal with.
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post #24 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 08:23 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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Originally Posted by moth-into-flame View Post
I absolutely want to know up front if a woman doesn't want to date a guy with kids. Why waste your time, only to find out you're incompatible because of that? I pass directly over the women on Match who list "no kids" as a requirement of a partner, and pass over the women who say they want kids in the future.
I was the same when I was doing online dating. I really wanted to know as soon as possible where a man stood regarding children, so as to avoid wasting either of our time.

I have a child, so "no kids" guys weren't going to be a good fit. I cannot have any more children, so the ones who were looking to start a family weren't going to be a good fit either. And, to be honest, my son is a teen and I wasn't really very interested in starting again with raising young children, so I steered clear of men with littles at home. The age range of the men I was looking for meant that it really wasn't all that difficult to find prospective matches with older or grown children.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #25 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 07:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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paarade a conga-line of partners through their lives.
Um... why introduce your kids to everyone you date?

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post #26 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 07:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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"my children are my entire life and my first priority always, if you cant deal with that, then don't bother with contact"
I'll bet 100% of these profiles were women's. I would love to write something along those lines in my profile, but as a guy I cannot afford that.
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post #27 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 07:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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Originally Posted by moth-into-flame View Post
I absolutely want to know up front if a woman doesn't want to date a guy with kids. Why waste your time, only to find out you're incompatible because of that? I pass directly over the women on Match who list "no kids" as a requirement of a partner, and pass over the women who say they want kids in the future.
How wide of a pool did that leave?
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post #28 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 03:37 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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I'll bet 100% of these profiles were women's. I would love to write something along those lines in my profile, but as a guy I cannot afford that.
Nope, these were men. This statement in a dating profile just leaves a bad taste for me. Number one, if you have kids, to ME, it goes without saying that they are the most important thing in your life. What kind of parent would you be otherwise?? Number two, this statement tells me that I am going to take a back seat to the kids. Who wants a relationship where they are irrelevant? That's not a partnership to me.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #29 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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it goes without saying that they are the most important thing in your life. What kind of parent would you be otherwise?? Number two, this statement tells me that I am going to take a back seat to the kids. Who wants a relationship where they are irrelevant? That's not a partnership to me.
Taking a back seat to kids does not consign one to irrelevance, nor does it make partnership impossible.

The parent him/herself takes and all his/her needs take a back seat. Everyone takes a back seat. Yet somehow most people find a way to partner with their spouse. I guess I'm struggling to understand how you envision partnering with someone who has (a) kid(s).
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post #30 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 03:57 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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Quite a number of women's dating profiles lists "no kids" as a requirement for a dating prospect. A reasonable requirement, but seems a bit rude and perhaps short-sighted to post up front.

Anyway, my question is for the ladies of TAM: do you ever encounter the same requirement listed up front by men in their dating profiles? Wonder if it's something men would not be able to get away with.
It's not rude and it's not shortsighted in the least and by putting it "right up front" it saves both potential partners a lot of valuable time.

What's the point in saving that bit of news for later?

I mean it's not like saying "Double amputees need not apply".
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