The No-Kids Requirement - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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The No-Kids Requirement

Quite a number of women's dating profiles lists "no kids" as a requirement for a dating prospect. A reasonable requirement, but seems a bit rude and perhaps short-sighted to post up front.

Anyway, my question is for the ladies of TAM: do you ever encounter the same requirement listed up front by men in their dating profiles? Wonder if it's something men would not be able to get away with.

UPD: Assuming the prospective partner is not expected to help with or even meet the kids. Blending families is out of scope.


Last edited by moco82; 12-10-2016 at 09:31 PM.
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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 01:06 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

Why is that rude?

If they don't want to deal with your kids don't you want to know that up front?

The fact is that kids are baggage not everyone wants to deal with. More people should be honest about this.

Plenty of men don't want to deal with other mens kids and that's their choice. I have no idea why you think men can't get away with this. They can and do.

I suppose if one has kids it's a little hypocritical to refuse to date someone who also has them, but nothing entitles one with kids to a partner that doesn't have kids.
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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 01:10 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

There have been threads here on TAM started by men stating that they would never date a woman who has children. A lot of the men who replied on the threads agree with this.

So yea, I guess some men, if not a lot, don't want to have to deal with a woman's children fathered by another man.

I think that it's better for a person to state this up front on a dating profile. That way you don't waste your time with them.

By the way, after the experience I had step parenting, I would not ever want to date and/or marry a another man who had young children at home. I might consider dating a man whose children were adults and did not live at home with their father.

ETA: I want to clarify that I love/adore children. But being put in the step-parent position is a completely different situation.
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 01:44 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

I do not find it rude at all.
Some men also prefer women who have kids, and post it on their dating profiles.

I personally do not care either way

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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 01:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

There is quite a difference between dating someone who has kids and step-parenting (or even ever seeing) said kids.
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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 02:09 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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Originally Posted by moco82 View Post
There is quite a difference between dating someone who has kids and step-parenting (or even ever seeing) said kids.
Yabbut, most people using OLD are looking for a relationship of some sort and not just "dating" (aka hooking up) so the notation is relevant. Most people don't want to waste their time on someone who has an obvious red flag for them. The hope is that if you do date, it will eventually become a relationship, which would entail dealing with the kids at some point. So why take time from dating someone you may have a possibility with just to date someone you know you don't.
Personally I have nothing against children, but I raised mine, Now I want to enjoy my life without the burden.

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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 02:20 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

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Originally Posted by moco82 View Post
There is quite a difference between dating someone who has kids and step-parenting (or even ever seeing) said kids.
In addition to what Ynot said above, there are issues even if the intent is to only date.

A person who has young children is not free to date on many holidays, many weekends, and other days/times when they have their children.

That means that the person they are dating will be spending some of the best days of the year alone, without their dating partner.
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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 02:20 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

In my dating days post separation, I knew it would be almost impossible to find women who did not have kids (surprisingly, though, most of my good matches and dates did not have kids and had never been married). However, I did not want to date anyone with kids more than a year or so younger than my own, and did put that preference in my profile. That worked out well, as I met someone with kids not too different in age.

Being clear about what works for you is always a good idea. It's not rude - unless you phrase your preference in a rude manner.

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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 05:35 PM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

I think politely listing any preferences is completely fine. Restrictions may limit the number of responses, but it avoids disappointment all around.
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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 12:35 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

OLD profiles are meant to be a filter, for both the authors and the observers.

Nothing more, nothing less.

If you don't like what you see, you carry on.


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post #11 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 02:35 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

After my divorce, I managed to find lots of men who were child free. One of the advantages of living in a big city. I thought that if I were to get serious about a man with children, I would have to see a man who has clearly worked out proper boundaries between him and his children. If having young children makes have "proper" boundaries difficult, then I guess I would never a guy with young children,.

It's been a while on message boards to see a post in which someone moaning / trying to work out dating a man with children and figuring "what's fair." I remember one woman complaining because her guy had promised that he would move house with her when his youngest child started university. At that moment it wasn't happening AND she was calling the daughter a princess.

Competing with children just makes you look, well, childish....... so it's best not to engage.
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post #12 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 07:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

Thanks for the responses. After considering what I haven't considered before, I think I myself became more closed-minded about women with children. May even post these reservations on my profile.
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post #13 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 08:22 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

I think people should be as forthcoming and honest in their dating profiles as possible.. I remember coming across one looking for single friend.. where he laid it all out there.. what weight was acceptable.. . to click away if you didn't meet this criteria, that criteria...his "out for the night romp" expectations... of course he came off as very RUDE...He was a hot male stud who just wanted fun for a night... period... no strings.. no expectations other than ONE NIGHT...

The more I thought about it.. wouldn't it just be better to be this honest up front.. so one could weed people out..why waste anyone's time.. if you feel strongly an any of these things.. be upfront... those who don't fit ...should click away....

I have 6 kids.. if my husband dies on me.. I'm screwed.. but ya know what.. if that's how some men feel.. I'd rather know than deal with being dumped shortly after -for no reason other than.. kids are a burden to them....

I would think what kind of kids you have might make a difference too... not all kids are relentless rebellious brats.. Even I wouldn't want to date someone with a problem child from hell, on drugs, daily grief going on... I can understand that.. as such a brat would be a revolving part of your lives.. but what if the kids were good kids.. did their own thing.. a little older.. I can't see how this would be an issue with many people.. unless they wanted to marry and never be a Step parent of any sort.. which is understandable too.
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post #14 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 09:16 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

My ex had a five year old son when I met her. I vividly remember having a conversation in my own head about whether or not to get involved. It was in affect a package deal. I could not have her without him. And if I became attached to him, I could not have him without her. Plus I knew it wasn't fair to him to become involved and then suddenly gone, so I gave it a lot of thought. In the end I think I probably came to the conclusion that I had to accept him first before her. Which is what I did. Like it or not if you date another person with children, it is a package deal. You better be willing to accept the other person AND their children. Because in the end it isn't you and the other and then their children as a separate deal. It becomes you, the other and the children (all of them) together.

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post #15 of 35 (permalink) Old 12-03-2016, 09:48 AM
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Re: The No-Kids Requirement

OP, I think that the honesty is paramount. If kids are a deal killer, then a person with kids should know that at the start. Why should someone waste time with a person that would be incompatible? The only reason to hide this requirement at the outset is to deceive / sleep around, IMO.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
In addition to what Ynot said above, there are issues even if the intent is to only date.

A person who has young children is not free to date on many holidays, many weekends, and other days/times when they have their children.

That means that the person they are dating will be spending some of the best days of the year alone, without their dating partner.
Indeed. Great points Ele.

Also, I think there are far, far deeper issues when the intent is only to date and kids are involved. It's not good on kids to see mom or dad parade a conga-line of partners through their lives.

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