I married my first love, we were both twenty and had five happy years and two babies before his mental and emotional health went terribly bad. Although I gave him an additional 15 years of my life, I couldn't fix his problems and I had nothing left to give after trying for so long, and getting nothing in return.
Our divorce involved no hatred, only sadness. We stood arm in arm crying as the judge pronounced us divorced. It was such a horrible day.
Three years have passed now, and I am very happily remarried to an upbeat, wonderful man. I of course still have contact with my ex, and see him at least twice a week for transferring kids etc. My mom still lives in his town, and sees him regularly, and tells me how he seems, and what he expresses to her (he is still very in love with me, and his depression is worse than ever). I hate hearing these things as there is nothing I can do. We have over 20 years of history and two beautiful daughters that will forever bind us.
This last weekend as I started my housework, and as I went into my ITunes I see a playlist with the pet name my XH used for me. (We still share iTunes due to the epic amount of $ we put into our music/movies on there.) I look at this list, and it starts with "our song" that we did our first dance to at our wedding and then continues on to have quite a few more meaningful songs in it, and then a bunch of super sad songs about love lost, broken-heartedness etc. Turns out it was an old list that he made while we were divorcing, but it still was so sad.
I only played one song, (mistake) and the cry fest was on. My hubby was like what is going on? I explain. He is understanding, comforts me and we move on with our day. I still hold onto a lot of guilt for leaving. I always feel like I should have been stronger for him, to have stayed till our girls were grown no matter what. Part of me thinks I always will.
Has anyone else divorced yet has no strong negative emotions for their ex?
I still love him very much as a person, care about his continued struggles.
Let me throw in here that my current hubby is very patient in regard to my ex. They don't interact, though they have met, do the courtesy wave etc. He feels no jealousy about him, and seems to really understand my feelings. He came from a divorced home, I did not. He was 18 though when his parents divorced. Oddly enough his dad and his step dad (who didn't meet until his mothers wedding to his stepdad) have ended up being best friends. They are both always at all family functions together. He!!, they even bought property together and built a cabin! So my husband has a very positive feeling about maintaining amicable relationships with exes.
Just curious how others that divorced on good terms (oxymoron I know) handled/are handling their relationship with their ex?
My XW and I are civil but that is it, she is very bitter that I left but ridiculed me when I told her what our problems were and just expected me to put up with them.
I am very happily remarried. My W and her X have managed to remain close friends and I'm really pleased for them. He is also remarried and recently had a baby, he is beside himself with joy about it ..... and we are both really pleased for them. I have met him on many occasions he is a great guy and I consider him a friend. They just didn't work out together as a couple.
My W was upset (tears) the other night as she knows her family will miss him at Christmas, he an outgoing type with great charisma and I fully understand that her nephews who have known him since they were babies will miss him. I've only known them a couple of years and we live a long way apart so we don't meet very often. It bothered me that she was upset, but not that she was upset about family missing him at Christmas. It doesn't change a single thing about our relationship or our feelings for each other.
It is natural to miss the happy times and you are probably still going through grief over what you lost when you left your marriage. Just because you divorced someone doesn't make them a demon, they have the same good and bad traits that they always had, in some ways it is easier to see when you are not in the middle of it. I still go through periods of grief and anger over what I lost in leaving and still second guess myself that maybe I should have stayed for my daughter when she has problems with her mother. But then my X will do something typically catty or pedantic and I remember why I left!!
I feel bad for your husband now. No husband want's to come home to his wife crying over her ex and have to comfort her, and if he doesn't what's wrong with him. I get it your sad you broke up but time to move on, you are marriage to someone else.
I'm quite happy to comfort my wife over anything, and there is nothing wrong with me at all. I'm even learning that sometimes comfort is all that's needed, I don't actually have to try and fix everything because not everything can be fixed.