you sure took a beating on this thread. I'm really surprised....well, I guess not really because this is TAM...so many people have been burned and/or betrayed.
I'm still friends with my ex-h and I always will be. He and I are truly just friends now, but we are good friends. He is part of my family, and through our divorce he was able to remain in touch with all of them, even though it was hard at first. Now everything is fine. We do not want to be together again. We loved each other dearly and our breakup wasn't like yours...but it was a necessary thing and we both agreed to it happening (even though it was the hardest decision of both of our lives).
It took awhile for us to adjust but now...everything is great.
I talked about this on a thread of mine once and got a little bit of push back from people who felt the way some of the posters on this thread feel. I have to take it all in stride because no one here knows me or the situation, and I know it is a good friendship and that's all that matters (I wasn't asking anyone for advice or comment about my friendship with him at all).
My parents were divorced, and I've been through it too, I've also worked for a family law attorney and saw dozens of divorces that way. It is absolutely true that some people can remain friends, or simply care about each other forever like family (like you feel about your ex-h), and be good and kind to each other, keep each other in our prayers, and hold our heads high. This doesn't mean we want to be together again.
When I was a child, it hurt my feelings that my parents weren't more civil. They were ok, but not friendly in the least. I always felt like "hey you two, YOU are the ones who made ME now YOU should be the bigger person and realize that you loved my other parent enough at one time to MAKE ME so now deal with it and just be nice to each other!" To me it wasn't fair that they would be "rude" to my other parent, right in front of me. I was of course too young to understand their dynamic, and now I realize given everything that happened they really were about a civil as they could have been toward each other. But through that experience I wanted to look for examples of people who were kind and were friends who were divorced. I had a couple of great examples of this in my family, and then of course saw many more at the family law office.
No doubt I also saw contentious divorced people, and in many cases, it simply has to be this way (I don't expect anyone to be friends with someone who totally f*cked them over). And I respect anyone who simply wouldn't want to hold any ties to their ex.
But for the exes who can remain friends, or simply care deeply about each other, or just remain in touch briefly even....it is heartwarming, to me.