Christmas Alone? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 09:48 AM Thread Starter
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Christmas Alone?

I have spent Christmas Eve alone for the last 4 years because of the custody arrangement. For me, someone who always loved the holidays, it is sad and emotionally brutal.

Is anyone else going to be spending Christmas alone? How do you cope with the loneliness/sadness?

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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 09:58 AM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

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Originally Posted by Decimated View Post
I have spent Christmas Eve alone for the last 4 years because of the custody arrangement. For me, someone who always loved the holidays, it is sad and emotionally brutal.



Is anyone else going to be spending Christmas alone? How do you cope with the loneliness/sadness?


Do anything you can to make plans to not be alone. I was alone my first year, and it was horrible. Think of relatives, friends, anyone you maybe able to turn to. Or find a shelter to volunteer at for the day. Just be proactive and have something lined up.


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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 11:33 AM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

Go party with your Jewish friends. I'll be having Chinese food and c0cktails with mine.
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 11:36 AM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

C'MON OVER! Let's hit the casinos!
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 12:52 PM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Decimated View Post
I have spent Christmas Eve alone for the last 4 years because of the custody arrangement. For me, someone who always loved the holidays, it is sad and emotionally brutal.

Is anyone else going to be spending Christmas alone? How do you cope with the loneliness/sadness?
When I got divorced 10 years ago I had only occasional visitation with my children and for several years they wanted nothing to do with me. I recall sending Xmas gifts to the house and getting no response. It was like a black hole over there.

I'm spending Xmas with my girlfriend, her son, my dad and her family at her parents house. We have been together for 5 years, living together for the past 2. Her parents are great folks, and they do a whole big shindig lots of food and gifts all around. The following day we do it at our house with a smaller crowd.

Before I met her I was with different girlfriends in relationships varying from a few months to a couple of years. I was never alone for the holidays, in fact I was never single for more than a month or two. Whether or not that is a good thing may be open to debate..lol.

I could still be alone at this point and looking at the four walls and being depressed at how crappy my life worked out but instead it's gotten a heck of a lot better, because I didn't sit around waiting for things to change on their own and didn't wait around for my kids to decide they wanted to be part of my life again.
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 01:00 PM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

Do you have any hobbies you can partake in on Christmas? I have a buddy who is divorced and doesn't have custody, and he is a big time fisherman, so he goes fishing on Christmas Day. He is basically getting the entire run of the river to himself that day, which is cool.
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 03:52 PM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

I was planning to be and just go on a hike. But life has been so crazy, I decided to suck it up and fly out to be with my brothers. It is a financial sacrifice but I needed the emotional boost.
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 04:02 PM
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Cool Re: Christmas Alone?

Only did it once in my lifetime ~ split time between sitting solo in the movie theater by evening and playing alone out on the golf course by day!

Sandwiched between a rather nice, but pricy, Christmas buffet luncheon at a local country club!

Suffice it to say, that particular Christmas Day was as lonely as hell!

Let's just say that being all alone on Christmas Day ranks right up there with having to attend Christmas Eve candlelight church service all by yourself, when that is, preeminently, a special "time for family!"

But with some folks, they've been unwittingly relegated to "family of one" status largely by a combination of the harsh precepts of a divorce and of sadly having the elder members of their family unceremoniously die on off!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 12-13-2016 at 06:16 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 05:18 PM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

My terrible order was that my first wife, the mother of my children, got my DD and DS on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, every year. I don't know how that happened. I don't remember. She must have had me over a barrel somehow.

In any case, I didn't even know how to handle the pain, so I prayed and went to church. I gave to the angel tree for some anonymous child to have something for Christmas. I helped decorate the church.

It did help me. I am not telling you to do the same. I'm just letting you know that I feel your pain.

There is a thread in Social that someone started about Christmas plans or something. It has a similar flair as this one, though it is not in this kind of detail, we can all see that folks are hurting and unsure of what to do. No one really has an answer that is guaranteed to work for you. Just try to make it your holiday and see your children, as one member posted, on the week before Christmas with all of your family.

It's just a date. No one really is sure when He was born, but it is believe to be in the spring. So, make it your day to celebrate, whatever the date, and do so with the fervor of Festivus, as one member reminded. Check out the thread and see what they have to say. It helped me to put this Christmas in perspective.

I know it feels better when you can give to someone and make them smile a little. That's the spirit of Christmas.... Giving with love and no expectation of a similar gesture.

Christmas Strategies

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."

Last edited by 2ntnuf; 12-12-2016 at 06:18 PM.
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 05:21 PM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

I would recommend you do what I plan to do and what I told another poster to do - take this quiet time for yourself and think about where you are at the moment. Yes, you are divorced. But it doesn't matter who's fault or why. Instead look at how much better your life is now not being with someone who isn't right for you. Think about how now you are free to become the person you always dreamed you could be. Think about all of the opportunities you have before you. Let all the positives in your life be your Christmas present to your self.


At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 09:35 PM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

I'm alone but not sad. When lonely I shower; like a bird lost among the clouds, it's gone without a trace.

.........><)))#">
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 10:23 PM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

Asian-owned bars and clubs might be open too. I went to a party well-attended by both Asian and European expats on Christmas Eve once. It was one of a handful of times I can say I enjoyed a club.
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 10:28 PM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Decimated View Post
I have spent Christmas Eve alone for the last 4 years because of the custody arrangement. For me, someone who always loved the holidays, it is sad and emotionally brutal.

Is anyone else going to be spending Christmas alone? How do you cope with the loneliness/sadness?
Can you volunteer somewhere. How about going to Christmas Eve mass. This is usually lovely even if you are not catholic, they sign Christmas Carols and stuff.
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 01:23 PM
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Re: Christmas Alone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Decimated View Post
I have spent Christmas Eve alone for the last 4 years because of the custody arrangement. For me, someone who always loved the holidays, it is sad and emotionally brutal.

Is anyone else going to be spending Christmas alone? How do you cope with the loneliness/sadness?
Where is the rest of your family? Why aren't you with them?

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Christmas Alone?

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Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
Where is the rest of your family? Why aren't you with them?
We can't all get together until the end of the month. That leaves me alone the 24th and 25th.
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