I already know what I should do - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 12:40 PM Thread Starter
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I already know what I should do

But I am just putting this out there.
I have been dating this woman for about 6 weeks. Early on we had a discussion about expectations. She said she still believed in the institution of marriage and that she would like to get married at some point. I told her I didn't and could see no real reason to marry at this point in my life.
Over the past several weeks, whenever we talk, she tells me she is really crazy about me and then asks if I am crazy about her. She has told me I am a great lover and then asks do I think she is a great lover. She has told me that she really misses me and then asks if I really miss her. The list goes on.
My point is that I feel I am constantly being asked to validate her, even though she also tells me she would be fine if I decided to end it. We spent a lot of time together over Thanksgiving and I got sort of wigged out by being with just one person for that long of period of time. I chalked it up to me becoming used to being alone. We had a talk and she said she had the same feeling. So we decided to take things a little slower going forward.
Since then, the validation thing has only gotten worse. I think she is very insecure. She keeps telling me she does not want to get hurt. At the same time she keeps telling me she would be fine if I end it.
So on Saturday, I told her that I am uncomfortable continually being asked to validate her feelings by reciprocating. She asks and then expects a certain response. "I am really crazy about you! Are you crazy about me?" If I say "I enjoy spending time with you" It is usually followed with "You only enjoy being with me!? I am crazy about you!" So I told her, I cannot tell you I love you, because I do not. If you want me to say that, I am not going to lie! Her response was to get extremely upset. She started crying and said she had to go.
She called me back and told me she didn't want this to end and she was fine with moving forward. Then she said she had to go again. Then the texts started - she called me scum, said I was using her, told me I should be ashamed of myself etc etc. I finally replied with "WTH, I am just trying to be honest". The next day she sent me a text asking if I could call her. So I called her that evening. She said she was at a friends house having dinner and she would call me later. She did call me later, but my phone was turned off and I didn't see that she had called. I called her back and she didn't answer so I left her a voice mail. Then I saw I had a voice mail from her. She said I must be playing games since I wouldn't answer my phone. Then she texted me again that all of her friends said she should just move on. Then another text that I really mean a lot to her.
I just don't want the drama. I spent 24 years trying to be someone else to the detriment of who I am. I do not want to be in another relationship where I can not be honest. I understand that she may have expectations, but that doesn't mean I have to try to live up to them. So I am ending it.


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post #2 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 12:44 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

Drama overload. Run. Fast.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #3 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 12:46 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

Smart move deciding to end it. Life's too short to deal with the crazy.
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post #4 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 12:52 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

she sounds so needy... ugh.... 6 weeks??

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post #5 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 02:15 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

That much drama over a 6-week long relationship? I'd run far and fast from that level of neediness!

Take heart, though! There really are women out there who aren't baggage-laden drama queens. Promise!

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #6 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 02:22 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

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She keeps telling me she does not want to get hurt. At the same time she keeps telling me she would be fine if I end it..
That translates to "If you dump me I'm going to stick a knife in your back".

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post #7 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 02:22 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

Push-pull behavior is very unhealthy.
6 weeks is nothing and way too soon to be crazy about you. Next.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #8 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 02:27 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

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Push-pull behavior is very unhealthy.
6 weeks is nothing and way too soon to be crazy about you. Next.

Just make sure that "next" ain't crazy too. It seems that there is a lot of those out there. Dating is not fun at all.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #9 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 02:28 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

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That translates to "If you dump me I'm going to stick a knife in your back".

hahahaha love this~~

I too am crazy!

Maybe she doesn't know how to use her words correctly. I remember how MUCH Id hate when a guy I was dating would not return phone calls, texts, etc in a timely manner..... Now, I do not give a ****... if a guy doesn't return my communication attempts, I talk to him once, if nothing changes then I am done. I go onto the next one. I do not even bother "talking" to him again.

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I say Left, but mean Purple

Last edited by EleGirl; 02-15-2017 at 12:24 PM.
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post #10 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 03:45 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

My answer is one you do not want to hear.

You want, you want, you want.

96% of women, 99% of women who have class want a man who wants them....exclusively.

You are interested in a friend with sexual benefits...and all the rest of the goodies.

Guess what?....Very few women want this long term. At first they will be OK with it. Once they begin to like you and trust you they want more.

You are wasting their time and sucking them dry....literally.

I feel sorry for your exgf. Yes, you were honest, yes, you used her. Go out with ****s. Leave the good ones for the good guys.

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This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.

Last edited by EleGirl; 02-15-2017 at 12:24 PM.
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post #11 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 04:04 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

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You are wasting their time and sucking them dry....literally.

I feel sorry for your exgf. Yes, you were honest, yes, you used her. Go out with ****s. Leave the good ones for the good guys.
Disagree. Based on the information @Ynot provided she was a needy klingon almost from the start. He might very well be looking for something serious, exclusive, and long term, but the neediness just turned him off, and for good reason.

Last edited by EleGirl; 02-15-2017 at 02:06 AM.
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post #12 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 04:14 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

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Disagree. Based on the information @Ynot provided she was a needy klingon almost from the start. He might very well be looking for something serious, exclusive, and long term, but the neediness just turned him off, and for good reason.
OK....maybe. He likely was loathe to DUMP her earlier. He made it worse....for her. She loves him. She might be a "KlingOn", but the gal has feelings and a good heart.

He WAITED TO LONG.

Don't do this again.

Do not ride the wave, ride the thighs of some nice women and then weeks, months later....be honest and dump them. Have a heart, not [only] a hard-on.

I am being hard on OP for a reason.

He likes kibbles....what man does not? Be fair. Be fair with vulnerable women.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #13 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 04:22 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satya View Post
Push-pull behavior is very unhealthy.
6 weeks is nothing and way too soon to be crazy about you. Next.
My niece is an odd bird. When she goes into a store she takes a quick look at the merchandise and buys something.
She know what she likes and does not beat around the thorn bushes. She hates to shop.

OP's girlfriend is like this. She saw what she liked and tried to close the deal.
6 weeks was not too early for her. She is not crazy...she is vulnerable. And she know what she wants.
She thought OP was a good thing....she was wrong. Wrong is sad...not crazy.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #14 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 04:32 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

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OK....maybe. He likely was loathe to DUMP her earlier. He made it worse....for her. She loves him. She might be a "KlingOn", but the gal has feelings and a good heart.

He WAITED TO LONG.
It's been 6 weeks. If she loves him, or is even attached to him to the point of being devastated, she's got some serious issues.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
Don't do this again.
@Ynot would do well to ignore your poor advice.

If he was to take it, he'd be under some sort of time constraint with each new relationship. "Oh no it's been a month.. 5 weeks.. getting close to the big 6 WEEK mark I better make a decision because I'm not being FAIR!"

Bunch of horesheat right there.
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post #15 of 77 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 04:44 PM
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Re: I already know what I should do

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She has told me I am a great lover and then asks do I think she is a great lover.
You don't have a beard by chance OP do you?


“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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