Co-Parenting Challenges After Divorce - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #46 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 08:48 AM
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Re: Co-Parenting Challenges After Divorce

This will be the most important time in your life to spend money on legal actions, so don't hesitate to do so.

Re: the girls, when they tell you something like this, don't talk about how you feel about it, but do talk to them about how it makes them feel. Help them work through their feelings on it and how they would like to be treated and how they'd like to act personally. They'll figure it all out, and see that you're not playing such games.

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post #47 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 09:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Co-Parenting Challenges After Divorce

More of the same...

Me:
Quote:
Little Pearls Dentistry just informed me that you called them a couple weeks ago and rescheduled appointments for the girls to be... Why did you not inform me of the change?
Her:
Quote:
Because the 16th doesn't work for me. I made the appointment without my calendar and we are busy. It will be changed again.
Me:
Quote:
Just so I understand, two weeks ago you changed a medical appointment for our daughter -- [DD5, due to her advanced heart condition, and blood disease medication, needs special medication during her dental appointments; it's anything but routine]. You decided not to inform me of this during or soon after, because your intent was to change it again. All this time has passed, without consulting me or asking what dates work for us both? I have asked numerous times (seven now, I believe) for you to coordinate and consult with me while scheduling appointments but you continue to neglect this responsibility. Can you please explain your reasoning behind this behavior?
Her:
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To state that I continually make appointments without your knowledge is a lie and hypocritical. Less than three hours ago you changed a critical medical appointment - cardiology - that was made months ago without "consulting" me or "coordinating with me" prior to you rescheduling said appointment. You can't have it both ways.

I will let you know when the girls' new routine dental cleaning date has been set.
The humor in this deflection, the cardiology appointment she says I changed three hours ago... she knows about it, because we had just discussed it

Me:
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You say you want to work together, but your actions don't align with that sentiment. So I have to ask questions, to protect the girls, in my legal right to be involved in important decisions in their lives. Calling me a hypocrite is not helpful and only works to cause tension, rather than fostering a productive environment in how to better communicate about the girls medical appointments.

When you take actions to exclude me from planning processes, including the scheduling of appointments -- many of which have had to be rescheduled because you didn't check with me during or immediately after scheduling them -- it shows a negligence towards my equal legal right to be involved in major decisions involving the girls You admit, below, that it is unproductive to set appointments without us coming together to make sure the time fits our calendars. Yet, when given ample time to decide you pick a date and later tell me (sometimes not at all). Why? I'm sorry, but your calendar doesn't take priority over my legal right to be involved in the planning and attendance of appointments for the girls.

I suggested a while ago setting up an online calendar for the girls that you and I have access to, as a place to put all of these appointments, events and activities for the girls. Maybe that would help alleviate some of these issues. Thoughts?
It's draining... I wish I just had legal papers to follow. Parallel parenting seems to be the best option with her. Working to accomplish that with the date nights (so we just have set schedule and don't need to coordinate weekly/monthly), unfortunately we will always have to communicate in some way about our daughter and all of her medical issues. I think most of that can be accomplished in a doctors office in front of doctors, where things tend to go much smoother.

Last edited by Thomas0311; 12-29-2016 at 11:37 AM.
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post #48 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 12:28 PM
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Re: Co-Parenting Challenges After Divorce

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Originally Posted by Thomas0311 View Post

It's draining... I wish I just had legal papers to follow. Parallel parenting seems to be the best option with her. Working to accomplish that with the date nights (so we just have set schedule and don't need to coordinate weekly/monthly), unfortunately we will always have to communicate in some way about our daughter and all of her medical issues. I think most of that can be accomplished in a doctors office in front of doctors, where things tend to go much smoother.
Then stop. Handle it legally. Get it all written down properly and signed by a judge. You made these arrangements thinking you could work together, but she is making every attempt to exclude you and make you go away. There is no point in continuing to try with her. She is recognizing that you can't do anything about her behavior, so she will not improve. She will only get worse unless you do something legally to stop this behavior and get it all court ordered.


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post #49 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Co-Parenting Challenges After Divorce

You're right.
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post #50 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 02:40 PM
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Re: Co-Parenting Challenges After Divorce

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Originally Posted by Thomas0311 View Post
You're right.
You are using far to many words with her. Reading back through the wall of text you and her had back and forth, exactly what progress was made?

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post #51 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 04:27 PM
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Re: Co-Parenting Challenges After Divorce

I promise you, that if this comes straight from a JUDGE, she's not going to give nearly as much push back and deflection.

Get it done.

And continue to document everything.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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