I think it is also important to figure out exactly why you feel the need to defend yourself in the first place. Keeping in mind exactly who she is, and the possible disorder she has...What is your end goal with engaging her? What are you trying to accomplish? Obviously you are right in the materiel sense in this situation...you gave the meds just as you were supposed to, you were right so from that sense, there is nothing to defend. Now, again, keeping in mind who she is, do you feel a need to be validated as right by her? Do you need her to acknowledge that you were right and she wrong? If so, to what end? Simply being right for the sake of being right? Is she even capable of making that concession? Admitting that you were right, and she was wrong?
Thank you, this is incredibly helpful. It seems so obvious when you ask, because my answer to that question is that yes, I want validation, and I know all this sounds ridiculous, but I think writing it out will help me to see just how crazy it is...
I want her to admit fault, to apologize for abusing my second chance at our marriage, for involving my daughters in her affairs (introducing three of the men to them), and I want her to just recognize all the pain that caused me so we can move forward in the interest of our daughters... more complex then that, I want to be appreciated for every concession I've made, rather than highlighted as a villain for the random outburst that she relishes provoking... I wish I was appreciated for giving her 75% time with the girls on paper with the understanding she wanted me in their lives and would move it to 50/50 later when they started school, for believing her that she needed spousal support to stay at home and care for them, when really she went and got a job as soon as it was signed, for then extending the spousal support 6 months because she said she was planning to go to school and asked for it to better her situation with finding an apartment for the girls (she stayed at her parents house then and never went to school) for her collecting spousal support for 2.5 years and getting married the day it ended (yes the actual day of her last check she told me she was getting married...) for giving her 60% of everything in the divorce, because I have a good career and know I'll recover.). For giving her the brand new car, and all the furniture, thinking I'd just get new stuff. I know it sounds foolish... but all of that stuff... I feel cheated, abused and taken advantage of. I know they were all my own choices and I take comfort in the fact that I did them all in what I perceived as the interest of my daughters and trying to prevent her from falling on her face and ending up damaging them worse. I was raised in a family where the values in life are doing good by others and eventually it'll pay off.
Recognizing that her apology is unattainable is an important step towards stopping the cycle of needing anything from her... and engaging further than I need to in these exchanges. I think that is the only reason I would bring this back up. It's an attempt to get her to back down from her false allegation, to admit "yeah, sorry I made that up."... but she's not going to do that. So what this highlights is how unproductive it is to even go down that road.
My goal... is to get past this.