Did you remain friends with your ex? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 05:33 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
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Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

No kids here either (thank God). XW wanted us to remain friends.... cute!

But after the way I was mistreated in the first half of the 60 day wait for D, I simply returned the favor.

She even asked me out.... in the parking lot..... right after our D was final.

She moved away and just moved back. We did get together once due to my mom's death.

She wants us to re-ignite what we had.... ain't happening. She still tries the manipulating tactics....

course I'm a sociopath when I'm crossed, so I'm good 8>)

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #32 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 02:47 PM
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Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

Originally Posted by commonsenseisn't View Post

My ex mentioned during the divorce that she would like to remain friends, but in a rare moment of clarity in the midst of a gut wrenching betrayal, I responded to her: "no, we are not friends. No friend would have done what you have done to me, and furthermore not only are you anti-friend, I recognize you are a mortal enemy to my soul. Indeed, you have done more to wound me than all other things combined in my lifetime. You are the very antithesis of what a friend really is, and I will force myself hereafter to correctly identify you as the most hateful enemy in my life." "
This pretty much say's it all!
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post #33 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-21-2017, 06:31 PM
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Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

Originally Posted by Where Are We View Post
Is this unhealthy?

We have not been a couple for almost two years. We had been together for 12 years and married for seven of them. I couldn't stand to be around him for probably the first six months. Now I'm starting to see the man I met so long ago. He is a good guy in so many ways, but I could never trust him again in a romantic relationship. I still have moments I want to choke him and cut off his manhood lol.

I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good. We don't have kids together but I have three. The two youngest like seeing him and I leave it up to them if they want to.

If it matters, we divorced after I found out he had been cheating on me the entire 12 years. No affairs, but random hook ups with people, many that he paid for (prostitution).

Now that I'm typing this, I wonder why I would even want any friend with this type of lifestyle. Perhaps I answered my own question.
By all means, aim for civility, but ask yourself this, if you had never met this person before and you knew that they had cheated on their wife for 12 years with prostitutes and random hookups, would you say to yourself "Wow, that's a person who seems really cool. I'd sure like to hang out with them sometime."? No? Didn't think so.

It sounds like he has put you through a lot already. The issue of whether the kids socialize or spend time with him seems sort of separate. If they have built a relationship with him, I guess that' really your call.
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post #34 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-21-2017, 09:30 PM
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Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

Cut the cord.

You don't want this guy around your kids.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #35 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 12:41 AM
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Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

My first ex of 9 years wanted to remain lifelong friends and still have a child after our divorce. No thank you...especially after learning about his cheating and the way he treated me during our short marriage (just flipped personalities after years of dating).

I would rather you explain to your kids that you and this guy will not see each other and the older they are then you can go into details. It's nice to have a father figure, BUT this person would just be hindering you from moving on to finding someone great who can really be a husband and father figure to your children.

Plus, I don't believe in ex's being friends. When I met my current husband, I did not know until later that he had remained friends with his ex of 7 years and friends for 3 years. All of his relationships, I learned, did not work out following their break up because each time he found a new woman, this "friend" (his ex of 7 years) would interfere with each of his relationships, so they could not flourish and grow. When my husband and I became more than friends in the time period of those 3 years that I knew him, then I learned that she had went to the point of expressing suicidal ideation and I went with my husband to support him because he felt so guilty moving on in his life as his friend was always having a regular crisis. Afterward, she stayed away because another mutual family member is soon to be a social worker as well, helped and supported this woman and then for months she began to stay away, until she learned of our marriage and first pregnancy together.

So I do not think it's healthy for both you and your children to exposed to someone who could potentially damage you and your children's growth into something better.
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post #36 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 08:16 AM
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Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

I would have tried to be friends in the beginning but after he made it clear that he wanted no part of either my life or our son's, I let it go. Years later, I pretty much hate him. His behavior has hurt our son terribly and I'll never forgive him for that.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #37 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 10:49 AM
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Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

I tried to be friends with him and wanted to so badly for my kids. It was not healthy for me in the end though as it felt too much like we leaned on each other and talked way too much about life in general. For me it was so hurtful because it still felt like we were together and married in a small way; but he was dating around with many women and I needed to disengage to get better and heal. I felt used truly to be his sounding board and to be his advice giver etc. So wrong!

I am thankful that currently we hardly talk at all and only will about the kids if the need arises. I dread having to do it as he can compartmentalize like the expert he is and acts like we are still friends-like asking how I am, what is new? How is my health? Etc. Yuck. I want those calls to end and do anything I can to avoid speaking directly with him these days.
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