Did you remain friends with your ex? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 44Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 05:33 AM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,445
Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

No kids here either (thank God). XW wanted us to remain friends.... cute!

But after the way I was mistreated in the first half of the 60 day wait for D, I simply returned the favor.

She even asked me out.... in the parking lot..... right after our D was final.

She moved away and just moved back. We did get together once due to my mom's death.

She wants us to re-ignite what we had.... ain't happening. She still tries the manipulating tactics....

course I'm a sociopath when I'm crossed, so I'm good 8>)


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 02:47 PM
Member
 
Decimated's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Here and there, but nowhere
Posts: 568
Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by commonsenseisn't View Post

My ex mentioned during the divorce that she would like to remain friends, but in a rare moment of clarity in the midst of a gut wrenching betrayal, I responded to her: "no, we are not friends. No friend would have done what you have done to me, and furthermore not only are you anti-friend, I recognize you are a mortal enemy to my soul. Indeed, you have done more to wound me than all other things combined in my lifetime. You are the very antithesis of what a friend really is, and I will force myself hereafter to correctly identify you as the most hateful enemy in my life." "
This pretty much say's it all!
Decimated is offline  
post #33 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-21-2017, 06:31 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 523
Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Where Are We View Post
Is this unhealthy?

We have not been a couple for almost two years. We had been together for 12 years and married for seven of them. I couldn't stand to be around him for probably the first six months. Now I'm starting to see the man I met so long ago. He is a good guy in so many ways, but I could never trust him again in a romantic relationship. I still have moments I want to choke him and cut off his manhood lol.

I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good. We don't have kids together but I have three. The two youngest like seeing him and I leave it up to them if they want to.

If it matters, we divorced after I found out he had been cheating on me the entire 12 years. No affairs, but random hook ups with people, many that he paid for (prostitution).

Now that I'm typing this, I wonder why I would even want any friend with this type of lifestyle. Perhaps I answered my own question.
By all means, aim for civility, but ask yourself this, if you had never met this person before and you knew that they had cheated on their wife for 12 years with prostitutes and random hookups, would you say to yourself "Wow, that's a person who seems really cool. I'd sure like to hang out with them sometime."? No? Didn't think so.

It sounds like he has put you through a lot already. The issue of whether the kids socialize or spend time with him seems sort of separate. If they have built a relationship with him, I guess that' really your call.
joannacroc is offline  
 
post #34 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-21-2017, 09:30 PM
Member
 
GusPolinski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: TX, USA
Posts: 12,020
Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

Cut the cord.

You don't want this guy around your kids.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
GusPolinski is offline  
post #35 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 12:41 AM
Member
 
oceanbreeze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: california
Posts: 173
Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

My first ex of 9 years wanted to remain lifelong friends and still have a child after our divorce. No thank you...especially after learning about his cheating and the way he treated me during our short marriage (just flipped personalities after years of dating).

I would rather you explain to your kids that you and this guy will not see each other and the older they are then you can go into details. It's nice to have a father figure, BUT this person would just be hindering you from moving on to finding someone great who can really be a husband and father figure to your children.

Plus, I don't believe in ex's being friends. When I met my current husband, I did not know until later that he had remained friends with his ex of 7 years and friends for 3 years. All of his relationships, I learned, did not work out following their break up because each time he found a new woman, this "friend" (his ex of 7 years) would interfere with each of his relationships, so they could not flourish and grow. When my husband and I became more than friends in the time period of those 3 years that I knew him, then I learned that she had went to the point of expressing suicidal ideation and I went with my husband to support him because he felt so guilty moving on in his life as his friend was always having a regular crisis. Afterward, she stayed away because another mutual family member is soon to be a social worker as well, helped and supported this woman and then for months she began to stay away, until she learned of our marriage and first pregnancy together.

So I do not think it's healthy for both you and your children to exposed to someone who could potentially damage you and your children's growth into something better.
oceanbreeze is offline  
post #36 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 08:16 AM
Member
 
Hellomynameis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Finger Lakes NY
Posts: 198
Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

I would have tried to be friends in the beginning but after he made it clear that he wanted no part of either my life or our son's, I let it go. Years later, I pretty much hate him. His behavior has hurt our son terribly and I'll never forgive him for that.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
Hellomynameis is offline  
post #37 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 10:49 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 365
Re: Did you remain friends with your ex?

I tried to be friends with him and wanted to so badly for my kids. It was not healthy for me in the end though as it felt too much like we leaned on each other and talked way too much about life in general. For me it was so hurtful because it still felt like we were together and married in a small way; but he was dating around with many women and I needed to disengage to get better and heal. I felt used truly to be his sounding board and to be his advice giver etc. So wrong!

I am thankful that currently we hardly talk at all and only will about the kids if the need arises. I dread having to do it as he can compartmentalize like the expert he is and acts like we are still friends-like asking how I am, what is new? How is my health? Etc. Yuck. I want those calls to end and do anything I can to avoid speaking directly with him these days.
5Creed is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs. Marksummers The Family & Parenting Forums 49 12-12-2016 11:20 AM
Let's be friends. sokillme Coping with Infidelity 36 11-29-2016 05:31 PM
Sexual assault and FB friends Cake Karma General Relationship Discussion 32 06-22-2016 08:34 PM
Finding mom friends VENT Anonymous07 The Family & Parenting Forums 6 03-14-2016 02:54 PM
She hasnt moved out and want to be friends menion01 Going Through Divorce or Separation 9 12-15-2015 11:20 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome