Re: Intense feelings
Read the reasons not to do below: I am getting divorced after ten years. This was my third. I really thought it would work out. I stayed 9 or 8 years to long.
What I learned for me, but I don't know if this would help you, but it could give you something to think about, choose to marry if he asks you, or enjoy each others company until both your children leave the nest and gone for over two years. Keep your own residence or he keeps his. Do not co-mingle assets either nor shack up, but their is nothing wrong for you to maybe spend weekend together when the kids are at the ex-s house. Then you get 5 days alone to enjoy your kids, read a book alone, see friends, and maybe have your love interests over during the middle of the week, but send them home at 10PM. No trouble, no divorce, or getting a court order to move the person out of you home, and if you need to bail you are safe and a home to protect you from all sort of things.
1. Do enjoy the company but no more more, No marriage ever until kids are grown.
2. The kids may not be friends nor tolerate each other. they will not come together and no guarantee. Before we married, my son is 14, my stepson is 16, stepdaughter is age 15 a decade ago. They hung out a little, but every time, less and less. My wife and I moved in together a year before we got married. My son came over every other weekend for a month. Then all of a sudden the step-kids, the wife started to hide, ignore, me and my son. The step kids didn't want to have anything to do with my son. My wife gave my son and I the cold shoulder and I never felt safe nor enjoyed seeing my son. This went on for three months, then stupidly I dropped seeing my son for the last 12 years. My son is a relationship drain, but to get the cold shoulder from my new family, with no interaction at all for two days. I should have left 8-9 years ago, I can't describe the eeriness how the cold shoulder and the disdain shown toward me and my son feels. I could almost say it is hate, disdain, and contempt that is equal to the winter temperature of -10 degrees with a windchill factor of -25 degrees and you are not wearing a hat or a scarf. That alone, that I didn't do anything about it makes me angry.
3. You or him can develop disdain for the kids over night, So it is best to hang out with your love interest and keep the kids and the love interest away from each other.
4. Come together for maybe holiday dinners and birthdays, but neither of your children stay at any of your house over night. He and they, you and he, your kids, you, and he separate and go home at 10 pm.
5. You or he or both may cheat in his situation. It's not cheating you are not married. That is o.k. Enjoy the other persons company too. Just don't tell. If you meet up and you are with someone else, say it's your friend. Make it clear to the boyfriend and your current love interest that they should call before coming over and ask if you are busy. Both of you don't need your style cramped.
6. Blended family rarely works.
If you marry, it is rough taking care of ones two kids if married. imagine four or six. You both will be so tired I can guarantee you will not have sex but four times a year. If either of you get diabetes, a heart condition, heart issues, or a endocrine, depression, or hormone problem you will never have sex with that many kids or issues in your relationship. To overcome the health issues that spread into the bedroom as you age you don't need stress from kids, work, health etc because to stay close in having sex to maintain closeness to build a bond you need to set up the romantic and build up to have sex, have it, and schedule the event to last an hour, dinner, talking candle light holding hands, reminiscing, some vino, kissing and touching, then go at it for the last ten minutes of the hours, if it lasts longer great! You both must commit to the activity session whether you are in the mood not, fake it until you make it. When the libido is low, the enjoyment of the touch, togetherness, and the build up is more important even if either one can't come to a climax. Do not fret because you are going to have a schedule of every three days.
7. Keep your love interest to yourself 90% of the time.
8. If you are thinking two incomes are better than one or getting married with make things easier financially. IT WILL NOT.
9. If you do marry and either does not put the other on the title, or mortgage and either one is a sole owner you can expect the person who is not on the deed, mortgage, or the title. not on all three. the person not on the mortgage will figure: my money isn't going to fix your house, I am not invested in this because you don't trust me enough to make me an equal partner. As the unequal partner will feel no investment and I am just a boarder in this house, why should I care doing the cleaning, doing the chores or lawn or fix--its WTF.
10. My wife refinanced the house in the 6th year of marriage and did not ad me on. I was pissed. I told her that I will not life a finger to clean, fix, do the lawn, nor put any of my earnings to fix anything. I said I will only pay for a equal share of major repair, appliances electrical, plumbing or, water system, nor paint it in-side or out. Doing this let her know I have no invested interest. She let me know by not adding me to the mortgage was an indicator she is not invested in our relationship.
11. Just have fun, no marriage, keep the kids separate, see him when both of you send your children to their other parent. keep your own home, no moving in at anytime. keep money separate.