So, we're now over legally.. Question. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #16 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 12:07 AM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

I went back and read your previous posts. XW and you are totally incompatable. No sex for a year wouldn't sleep in the same bed? You seem to have trouble letting go for some reason.

You really got out lucky. You need to fix your tendencies for your next relationship and future.

Good luck to you

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post #17 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 12:12 AM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
I plan to file married, but separate as I know she'll owe a lot of $$$ due to all the sales of her investment accounts. I do not want to chase or be responsible any longer for her IRS tax bill. However, I still have to notify her of this. I plan to write a letter in terms of the tax filing and my final thoughts. It is okay that she doesn't respond or acknowledge. I did the same prior to filing for divorce; no response or acknowledgement. It will just help me find closure for myself, as I will prob. never receive it from her. I requested multiple times to meet with her during our separation (prior to filing), and she wasn't ready and declined each request. I just need to get it off my chest.
The tax rate for married-but-separate is much higher than married. You might want to run it both ways to see which one works better for you.
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post #18 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 07:58 AM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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I know I am torn about this. I know the letter will mean nothing. Prob. just going to keep it to myself. I will just text her about the income tax and be done with it. Two lines, done and done. I think I may feel better once a Judge actually grants my freedom. Maybe then these whirlwind emotions will stop. Not sure why I am having them. I am the one who filed for divorce... Strange.
Ending a marriage will always be painful. It takes time to begin to heal and be able to move on. Once you are divorced you can cut off all contact and that will help.
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post #19 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 09:02 AM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

If I were you I'd make sure to be the first one to file. This way if there is a credit that you both try to claim, you'd get it because you filed first. I'd get taxes done ASAP and then send her a notification of how you filed so she can get hers done correctly.
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post #20 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:52 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

honestly it usually is already spelled out in the papers, why is it your responsibility to make sure SHE files properly? I would not notify her of a thing, just file ASAP and make sure you claim everything you can legally claim before she does.

When I got divorced from my 1st wife it was in the papers that I got the tax credits/deductions for our son. She tried nearly every year to claim him, and when I would file it would get rejected. I would then have to send the IRS/State a copy of the decree and they would "fix" it until the next year. After 4-5 years I started remembering to actually send a copy with my returns and never had an issue again.
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post #21 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

In regards to the letter...is there anything at all she could say that would make you feel better? What are you hoping for. If you're hoping that she will reply with an "Im sorry" or any remorse..she won't. During my separation I wrote my husband a couple letters. Each one I started with "This letter is for me, not for you. Please do not reply".For me it was getting my feelings out there and not looking for anything from him. If you can send a letter that you send into the wind (meaning you don't care if she reads it) then I say go for it. Unfortunately you will get nothing from her so do not expect it. If you send it, do so with that mindset and that it is your "farewell". And move on.
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post #22 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 05:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
I went back and read your previous posts. XW and you are totally incompatable. No sex for a year wouldn't sleep in the same bed? You seem to have trouble letting go for some reason.

You really got out lucky. You need to fix your tendencies for your next relationship and future.

Good luck to you
Not that matters, before marriage and into the first year, we were two peas in a pod. Once she turned 40, everything went to sh!t. Pre-marriage no issues. I am working on myself.. Rome wasn't built in a day as they say.
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post #23 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 05:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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The tax rate for married-but-separate is much higher than married. You might want to run it both ways to see which one works better for you.
True, but she is going to owe mucho $$$ and I do not want to run after her for the money. Rather bit the bullet with the IRS than deal with chasing her to pay her bill.
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post #24 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 05:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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Ending a marriage will always be painful. It takes time to begin to heal and be able to move on. Once you are divorced you can cut off all contact and that will help.
Agreed. Just trying to get to the finish line.
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post #25 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 05:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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honestly it usually is already spelled out in the papers, why is it your responsibility to make sure SHE files properly? I would not notify her of a thing, just file ASAP and make sure you claim everything you can legally claim before she does.

When I got divorced from my 1st wife it was in the papers that I got the tax credits/deductions for our son. She tried nearly every year to claim him, and when I would file it would get rejected. I would then have to send the IRS/State a copy of the decree and they would "fix" it until the next year. After 4-5 years I started remembering to actually send a copy with my returns and never had an issue again.
Not the taxes. Guess NY is different. Since she's on my tax return either I or the attorney must notify her. This is what my attorney told me.

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post #26 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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In regards to the letter...is there anything at all she could say that would make you feel better? What are you hoping for. If you're hoping that she will reply with an "Im sorry" or any remorse..she won't. During my separation I wrote my husband a couple letters. Each one I started with "This letter is for me, not for you. Please do not reply".For me it was getting my feelings out there and not looking for anything from him. If you can send a letter that you send into the wind (meaning you don't care if she reads it) then I say go for it. Unfortunately you will get nothing from her so do not expect it. If you send it, do so with that mindset and that it is your "farewell". And move on.
Originally, just trying to get closure on my end. I know she'll not respond, or respond with a I didn't leave, you did. Some BS like that. Prior to the divorce filing, I wrote her a letter, no response. She's more of a type of person who will speak behind your back, whereas I am more of the type of person, if I have an issue, I will bring it to you to discuss. She doesn't like confrontation. I can see how it will make me weak and longing for her, which is a negative on both. It'll be nice if she took some responsibility, however, I know that is far fetched. Once I get the sign-off from the Judge, I will just inform her about the tax filing and be done.
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post #27 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:59 AM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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Originally, just trying to get closure on my end. I know she'll not respond, or respond with a I didn't leave, you did. Some BS like that. Prior to the divorce filing, I wrote her a letter, no response. She's more of a type of person who will speak behind your back, whereas I am more of the type of person, if I have an issue, I will bring it to you to discuss. She doesn't like confrontation. I can see how it will make me weak and longing for her, which is a negative on both. It'll be nice if she took some responsibility, however, I know that is far fetched. Once I get the sign-off from the Judge, I will just inform her about the tax filing and be done.
I think that is a good plan. When you send that letter you give her control to reply or not reply. It's time for YOU to have the control. I know it's tough!!
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post #28 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:16 AM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

OP, I suggest you send a registered return receipt letter notifying her about tax filing, and that you will file as married filing separately. Keep it to that, other than any information needed to each properly file your tax returns. I'd also suggest that you file it ASAP (before she can) with any items that might be in contention, so she can't file using the same items (assuming there are any).

If you have more to say to her, keep it separate from business.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #29 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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I think that is a good plan. When you send that letter you give her control to reply or not reply. It's time for YOU to have the control. I know it's tough!!
Funny you say that. As far fetched as it may seem, she claims I had all the control in the relationship.
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post #30 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 02:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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OP, I suggest you send a registered return receipt letter notifying her about tax filing, and that you will file as married filing separately. Keep it to that, other than any information needed to each properly file your tax returns. I'd also suggest that you file it ASAP (before she can) with any items that might be in contention, so she can't file using the same items (assuming there are any).

If you have more to say to her, keep it separate from business.
Thinking that would be a better idea as well. However, I do not know her apt. #. She conveniently left it off the papers, only her address. Would she still receive it? I searched on the Internet, and it also only lists the building address for her, but no apt #. The other alternative would be to send it to her place of work or her parents home.
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