So, we're now over legally.. Question. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
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Question So, we're now over legally.. Question.

After a nearly year of separation and going through the divorce process, she finally signed on the dotted line. A Judge is supposed to sign off next week. She delayed so long that we now have to file taxes as married for 2016. The attorney said he could notify opposing counsel, however, that will be several $$$. I think I've given him enough money. Something that was supposed to cost 5k ended up over 20k. If you factor in that I also had to pay her medical premiums for the entire year as well as she taking most, if not all of the wedding gifts & my bedroom premarital furniture, she did pretty well. Still unsure how this all fell apart. I wrote her a letter prior to divorce, no response. However, legally, I have to inform her of the tax filing. She is going owe mucho $$$ cause she sold a lot of her investments for her move into an apartment. However, I do not have closure. I would also like to explain my reasonings (no guilty party, just mostly communication issues) on filing. I know it will probably be a fruitless endeavor, and if she really cared about our marriage, she would had tried on repairing the marriage through separation and possibly even through divorce. I hate failure and not being able to get it off my chest. It's okay if I do not get a response (she's a big talker behind a persons back, but hates confrontation), or a negative response. I think I need to do it for myself. Perhaps, that will give me the closure I seek. It just bothers me that things are left unsaid.

Am I that screwed up for wanting to do this?

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post #2 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 04:24 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

How about writing a letter? It can be theraputic.
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post #3 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 04:40 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

file married but separate. if she tries to do anything that screws you, file an injured spouse notice with the IRS.

I'm no lawyer/tax consultant, but that is the basics. check with your own attorney/accountant for specifics in your case.
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post #4 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 04:41 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

If you have maintained separate residences for the past 6 months you should be able to file married filing separately. Might be worth looking into.

The first year STBX and I filed married but separate he owed $7000 and I got $2000 back. Have to admit that was pretty sweet.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #5 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 04:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

I plan to file married, but separate as I know she'll owe a lot of $$$ due to all the sales of her investment accounts. I do not want to chase or be responsible any longer for her IRS tax bill. However, I still have to notify her of this. I plan to write a letter in terms of the tax filing and my final thoughts. It is okay that she doesn't respond or acknowledge. I did the same prior to filing for divorce; no response or acknowledgement. It will just help me find closure for myself, as I will prob. never receive it from her. I requested multiple times to meet with her during our separation (prior to filing), and she wasn't ready and declined each request. I just need to get it off my chest.

Should I sent it via e-mail or regular mail?
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post #6 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 05:16 PM
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Cool Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
After a nearly year of separation and going through the divorce process, she finally signed on the dotted line. A Judge is supposed to sign off next week. She delayed so long that we now have to file taxes as married for 2016. The attorney said he could notify opposing counsel, however, that will be several $$$. I think I've given him enough money. Something that was supposed to cost 5k ended up over 20k. If you factor in that I also had to pay her medical premiums for the entire year as well as she taking most, if not all of the wedding gifts & my bedroom premarital furniture, she did pretty well. Still unsure how this all fell apart. I wrote her a letter prior to divorce, no response. However, legally, I have to inform her of the tax filing. She is going owe mucho $$$ cause she sold a lot of her investments for her move into an apartment. However, I do not have closure. I would also like to explain my reasonings (no guilty party, just mostly communication issues) on filing. I know it will probably be a fruitless endeavor, and if she really cared about our marriage, she would had tried on repairing the marriage through separation and possibly even through divorce. I hate failure and not being able to get it off my chest. It's okay if I do not get a response (she's a big talker behind a persons back, but hates confrontation), or a negative response. I think I need to do it for myself. Perhaps, that will give me the closure I seek. It just bothers me that things are left unsaid.

Am I that screwed up for wanting to do this?
You've got to admit that the American legal system, judiciary, and legislators have all literally worked overtime in screwing over the institution of marriage!

They all scare me sh!tless enough to ever consider marrying again!!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #7 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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You've got to admit that the American legal system, judiciary, and legislators have all literally worked overtime in screwing over the institution of marriage!

They all scare me sh!tless enough to ever consider marrying again!!
Yep, just amazing. I basically drained my savings to untie the knot. They've effectively killed the institution of marriage in my eyes. A prenup doesn't protect a person from insane legal bills. It was more to get divorced then to get married. I was taught marriage was such a wonderful thing. Maybe, at one time it was. Now, with these crazy lawyers, I just do not understand why anyone would do it. Would you believe, just to get an update on the status of the divorce, it would cost me 80 - 180 dollars for an e-mail response? It's highway robbery as far as I am concerned. What are you going to do? There is nothing that can be done. I hear it's even worse in Canada or Australia. I just would like to thank the legislators of the world for ruining what was once a beautiful and meaningful institution. Now, it's just a business contract between two people and the State. How sad.
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post #8 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 05:57 PM
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Cool Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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Yep, just amazing. I basically drained my savings to untie the knot. They've effectively killed the institution of marriage in my eyes. A prenup doesn't protect a person from insane legal bills. It was more to get divorced then to get married. I was taught marriage was such a wonderful thing. Maybe, at one time it was. Now, with these crazy lawyers, I just do not understand why anyone would do it. Would you believe, just to get an update on the status of the divorce, it would cost me 80 - 180 dollars for an e-mail response? It's highway robbery as far as I am concerned. What are you going to do? There is nothing that can be done. I hear it's even worse in Canada or Australia. I just would like to thank the legislators of the world for ruining what was once a beautiful and meaningful institution. Now, it's just a business contract between two people and the State. How sad.
Over the years, they have fixed the system to the point that the only permanent assurance is that the institution of marriage has largely been turned into a major profit center for the legal profession!

Family lawyers, with rare exception, are in the same category with ambulance chasing personal injury attorneys!

The sad fact of the matter remains that with the legislature, judiciary, and legal lobby being saturated by their ilk, that there will never ever be legislation submitted or passed to circumvent the atrocities perpetrated by this uncaring profession, except to continue to make matters far worse, and not better, for the average man!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #9 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:00 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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I plan to file married, but separate as I know she'll owe a lot of $$$ due to all the sales of her investment accounts. I do not want to chase or be responsible any longer for her IRS tax bill. However, I still have to notify her of this. I plan to write a letter in terms of the tax filing and my final thoughts. It is okay that she doesn't respond or acknowledge. I did the same prior to filing for divorce; no response or acknowledgement. It will just help me find closure for myself, as I will prob. never receive it from her. I requested multiple times to meet with her during our separation (prior to filing), and she wasn't ready and declined each request. I just need to get it off my chest.

Should I sent it via e-mail or regular mail?
I would write a proper letter but keep a copy. Some people do that but dont actually send it. Its get the feelings and frustration out just by doing it.
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post #10 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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I would write a proper letter but keep a copy. Some people do that but dont actually send it. Its get the feelings and frustration out just by doing it.
No doubt. However, I still have to inform her of the taxes, and I feel I should just get it off of my chest. I do not expect a response, but I think it would make me feel better. I've wrote several letters just going over my feelings and put them away. Does it make me weak to want to have closure? Not sure. Since she refused to do anything during separation and through the divorce, I feel like I will have no closure.

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post #11 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 10:56 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

She doesn't care. You can write 100 letters and it won't matter.

Quit wasting your time on this. Closure is a state of mind she's told you through her actions.

Right now you are keeping yourself in limbo.
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post #12 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 11:00 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

Plus writing letters always make you look weak, whinny and needy. Is that what you want?
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post #13 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 11:09 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

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No doubt. However, I still have to inform her of the taxes, and I feel I should just get it off of my chest. I do not expect a response, but I think it would make me feel better. I've wrote several letters just going over my feelings and put them away. Does it make me weak to want to have closure? Not sure. Since she refused to do anything during separation and through the divorce, I feel like I will have no closure.
No its not weak but you need to accept that you may not get it and move on anyway.
My husbands first wife cheated and divorced him. She has never apologised or anything, but he moved on and we have now been happily married for 11 years.
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post #14 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 11:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

I know I am torn about this. I know the letter will mean nothing. Prob. just going to keep it to myself. I will just text her about the income tax and be done with it. Two lines, done and done. I think I may feel better once a Judge actually grants my freedom. Maybe then these whirlwind emotions will stop. Not sure why I am having them. I am the one who filed for divorce... Strange.
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post #15 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 11:58 PM
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Re: So, we're now over legally.. Question.

No contact. You'll move forward a lot faster. After awhile it's out of sight out of mind.

You'll get there.
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