Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 04:31 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

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I was married to my husband for 3 years, we are legally divorced now. He left the marriage for another woman and he is now living with her and she is pregnant. While we were married he knocked up another woman who has his child. Two weeks ago I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I have never had sex with anyone other than him so I know it is his child. While we were separated we had sex once, which was a mistake. He wants nothing to do with me and the divorce was a mess. He left for another woman... I don't want him in my life at all and this baby would be far better without him. I intended to move back home, from the west coast to the east coast. He wouldn't find out.

I'm not just thinking about this for me. He would be a terrible father. He is totally absent from his other child's life. Is it ever ok to keep a pregnancy from the father?
Is it ever okay? This is like asking "is it ever okay to take a person's life?" It's obvious that the answer will be yes, but the fact that the answer is yes does not mean that the "yes" is extended to your situation.

Without knowing what, other than his cheating on you, would make him unworthy of ever seeing his son/daughter, the default would be "no". Because in general it is wrong, but in specific, it may not be.

Did he beat you regularly? Was he horribly abusive? Does he have a history of abusing children? Without knowledge of the circumstances, it would be unethical to tell you to proceed with this line of action.

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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 05:00 PM
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Cool Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

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I was married to my husband for 3 years, we are legally divorced now. He left the marriage for another woman and he is now living with her and she is pregnant. While we were married he knocked up another woman who has his child. Two weeks ago I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I have never had sex with anyone other than him so I know it is his child. While we were separated we had sex once, which was a mistake. He wants nothing to do with me and the divorce was a mess. He left for another woman... I don't want him in my life at all and this baby would be far better without him. I intended to move back home, from the west coast to the east coast. He wouldn't find out.

I'm not just thinking about this for me. He would be a terrible father. He is totally absent from his other child's life. Is it ever ok to keep a pregnancy from the father?
Unfortunately for him, he has every paternal and legal right to know!

What he does with it is his own business!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 05:08 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

Based on the situation as you have described it, no. If he was physically abusive, then maybe yes. If the sex was non consensual maybe yes.

If he's as useless as you describe him to be, he'll probably decide he doesn't want anything to do with the child anyway, just like my deadbeat STBX who abandoned his child at 2 months old.

You and your baby deserve child support though.

Tell you what though. If you tell him about the pregnancy and he shows no interest in the baby, (or pushes you to have an abortion), seriously consider not putting his name on the birth certificate. It's a nightmare trying to do things without the approval of the absentee parent. If he pulls a disappearing act, you'll have one hell of a time doing things as basic as getting your child a passport if you want to visit Canada someday. BTDT. It's not fun. I had to go to court just to get my son a passport because I couldn't find my STBX to sign the necessary paperwork. And file for 100% legal and physical custody as soon after the birth as you possibly can.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 05:23 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

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Originally Posted by orvi View Post
I was married to my husband for 3 years, we are legally divorced now. He left the marriage for another woman and he is now living with her and she is pregnant. While we were married he knocked up another woman who has his child. Two weeks ago I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I have never had sex with anyone other than him so I know it is his child. While we were separated we had sex once, which was a mistake. He wants nothing to do with me and the divorce was a mess. He left for another woman... I don't want him in my life at all and this baby would be far better without him. I intended to move back home, from the west coast to the east coast. He wouldn't find out.

I'm not just thinking about this for me. He would be a terrible father. He is totally absent from his other child's life. Is it ever ok to keep a pregnancy from the father?
In your case, possibly.

If there is danger or threat of harm, it would seem prudent to hide a child.

In other cases it is the purest of evil to keep a father from his child.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 10:50 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

So you have very recently had sex with him when he was with the OW and you were nearly divorced? Why?

I think you need to tell him and also ask for child support. He should take responsibility for his actions.
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post #21 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 12:45 AM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

We need more info.

Does he do illegal drugs? Is he a criminal? Was he physically abusive?

What besides cheating would make him a terrible father?
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post #22 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 01:31 AM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

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Originally Posted by orvi View Post
I was married to my husband for 3 years, we are legally divorced now. He left the marriage for another woman and he is now living with her and she is pregnant. While we were married he knocked up another woman who has his child. Two weeks ago I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I have never had sex with anyone other than him so I know it is his child. While we were separated we had sex once, which was a mistake. He wants nothing to do with me and the divorce was a mess. He left for another woman... I don't want him in my life at all and this baby would be far better without him. I intended to move back home, from the west coast to the east coast. He wouldn't find out.

I'm not just thinking about this for me. He would be a terrible father. He is totally absent from his other child's life. Is it ever ok to keep a pregnancy from the father?
One day your kid will want to know. So eventually he/she will find out, or do you also intend to lie to the child about his/her parentage as well. Lies create lies, better to live your life authentically. Plus why not get some money out of the deal, if you can, you and your kid could use it.

Last edited by sokillme; 01-28-2017 at 01:36 AM.
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post #23 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 04:03 AM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

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Why do you assume that you're going to pay for her kid?

It's 2017 tons of women can financially take care of their children.

Op, I agree with @FeministInPink.

Consult a lawyer and see if he can sign his rights away.



-Miss Independent (formally known as Spinster)
Stats show that the overwhelming majority of single parent households are at or below the poverty line. Most welfare services will go after the non custodial parent for child support before the state pays for anything.

This is why men should never believe a woman when she swears she sill not ask for one penny of child support.
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